Gift giving at Bat Mitzvah?

[Anonymous]

Our DS did not ask for any presents, rather that all of his guests contribute to a charity he worked with during his preparation year. The charity received these gifts directly and we had no idea how much anyone contributed. Our DS did receive a wonderful letter from the organizer of that charity and I think he treasures that more than anything. Great time was had by all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

I actually don't believe this. My daughter's favorite gifts from her friends were a little costume jewelry heart necklace and another was some cutesy perfume that smells like vanilla. Family gives money in increments of $18, sometimes the checks are substantial if the family is wealthy. However, kids that go to the party are absolutely not expected to give anything more than a token of friendship and MAZAL TOV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Even for a casual school friend you have never met? Different wealth levels gave different customs.

Well, presumably my CHILD would have met this casual school friend. So they would get $200 with a card from my child. Are you not understanding the months of prep work that go into this, after years of hebrew school, all the prayers that have to be memorized, how big a deal this is in the jewish religion? We think it's a very big deal to be celebrated.

DP here. I'm not sure what this has to do with me. I didn't make the kid do all that, he/she didn't do it for me. What a weird response. I agree with others that it has to do entirely with how well you know the child, and how many in your immediate family are attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

Insta that s!$& immediately. People like that need to be exposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

I actually don't believe this. My daughter's favorite gifts from her friends were a little costume jewelry heart necklace and another was some cutesy perfume that smells like vanilla. Family gives money in increments of $18, sometimes the checks are substantial if the family is wealthy. However, kids that go to the party are absolutely not expected to give anything more than a token of friendship and MAZAL TOV.

This exactly. I am the poster uptrend who said a lot of my DD's gifts from wealthy NWDC families were the kinds of tokens kids give each other... and those are the ones DD liked best. Inexpensive earrings, a scarf, and Politics and Prose or Apple Music gift cards were popular and well received gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

Holy... WOW. I live on the god forsaken Upper West Side... land of over the top Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, and even I can't imagine anyone doing that. That's... insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

I actually don't believe this. My daughter's favorite gifts from her friends were a little costume jewelry heart necklace and another was some cutesy perfume that smells like vanilla. Family gives money in increments of $18, sometimes the checks are substantial if the family is wealthy. However, kids that go to the party are absolutely not expected to give anything more than a token of friendship and MAZAL TOV.

This exactly. I am the poster uptrend who said a lot of my DD's gifts from wealthy NWDC families were the kinds of tokens kids give each other... and those are the ones DD liked best. Inexpensive earrings, a scarf, and Politics and Prose or Apple Music gift cards were popular and well received gifts.

Do kids usually give a token/fun gift like this in addition to cash, or is it either or? My kids aren’t sure what to give

[Anonymous]

It was either or for my kids as far as what they received. We only gave checks, not also gifts.

And, I assure you, if you give $18, $36, or $54, it a) doesn't cover the cost of you attending and b) no one cares how much you give - they care about you attending and celebrate the learning their child has done for years in preparation for this major event. If you are invited, they want YOU there, not your gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

I actually don't believe this. My daughter's favorite gifts from her friends were a little costume jewelry heart necklace and another was some cutesy perfume that smells like vanilla. Family gives money in increments of $18, sometimes the checks are substantial if the family is wealthy. However, kids that go to the party are absolutely not expected to give anything more than a token of friendship and MAZAL TOV.

This exactly. I am the poster uptrend who said a lot of my DD's gifts from wealthy NWDC families were the kinds of tokens kids give each other... and those are the ones DD liked best. Inexpensive earrings, a scarf, and Politics and Prose or Apple Music gift cards were popular and well received gifts.

Do kids usually give a token/fun gift like this in addition to cash, or is it either or? My kids aren’t sure what to give

My DDs were given a lot of jewelry from Tiffany - two or three kids would buy a charm for a necklace or a pair of earrings as gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

I actually don't believe this. My daughter's favorite gifts from her friends were a little costume jewelry heart necklace and another was some cutesy perfume that smells like vanilla. Family gives money in increments of $18, sometimes the checks are substantial if the family is wealthy. However, kids that go to the party are absolutely not expected to give anything more than a token of friendship and MAZAL TOV.

This exactly. I am the poster uptrend who said a lot of my DD's gifts from wealthy NWDC families were the kinds of tokens kids give each other... and those are the ones DD liked best. Inexpensive earrings, a scarf, and Politics and Prose or Apple Music gift cards were popular and well received gifts.

Do kids usually give a token/fun gift like this in addition to cash, or is it either or? My kids aren’t sure what to give

Fun token from kid to kid instead of cash.

[Anonymous]

For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

[Anonymous]

Who keeps the money? Does the bar/bat mitzvah child reimburse parents with the thousands of dollars he/she receives? It sounds like a gift grab. I would never give $500 to a 12 or 13 year old child
I guess we Presbyterians are cheap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

Yes, same ball park as cash gifts. But again, the gift cards are in the range of token gifts school friends give each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Just so you know, even saying it hear anonymously is incredibly distasteful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Just so you know, even saying it hear anonymously is incredibly distasteful.

Sorry, meant here.