Can I be a surrogate for a friend if I had complicated past pregnancies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So…you want to leave your spouse a widow, your children motherless, and present your friend with a premature baby with significant health issues— probably lifelong— in order to prove what precisely?

Because all you’re proving here is that you are an unfit parent as it is.

There are super empathetic people in this world who have no boundaries. Cut her some slack.

Where is her empathy for her own children?

Shes asking a question, she didn't put her kids in a bathtub then step out to smoke a blunt

Well, it's not a bad question. I agree that OP isn't deliberately doing anything neglectful now to her own kids, but it's true that people who are excessively altruistic do it for their own gratification (even if not consciously) and don't consider how it may impact others around them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think this is so nice of you to consider, but as someone with a history of severe post partum pre-eclampsia, and in the nicest way possible, you cannot be serious.

My doctors have said I can have more kids if I want but I absolutely would NEVER put myself in that situation. Ever. In addition to the physical issues, pre-e messed with my brain, too.

Try to find another way to support your friend.

There are doctors out there who like medically complicated patients because it makes their colleagues $$$$$$$$. I think it is dubious to transfer 2 embryos unless they are crappy quality but that happens all of the time. Anyway, this is why informed consent, doing your own research and second opinions are a thing.

Yes, fair. To be clear: my doctors don’t encourage more kids but they have said it’s something I could do. Which is true. They do not seem enthusiastic at the prospect and I don’t want more kids anyway so it’s not like we’ve gone into a ton of detail.

But no way would I ever be allowed to be a surrogate despite two healthy babies born full term vaginally, and no flippin’ way would I ever advocate for myself to be one no matter how much I loved the parents.

I had a doctor offer me a VBAC with less than 1mm residual myometrium, 15% uterine rupture risk (maybe more). Oh, and he didn't tell me it was that thin. I could tell from his body language he was a BS artist.

Seems off topic, but I think doctors around here likely now feel like they have to offer VBACs? What you saw as "bullshit artist" body language may have been him trying to suss out if you were one of those moms who was going to get super offended if he just said "I recommend a c-section" out of the gate.

A prior doctor F-ed up a saline sonohistogram and I think he was covering for his colleague. I think his great plan was to sweep into the room and announce the baby was in distress and it was C section time. He even put in the C section note that VBAC was not contraindicated. My faith in doctors is pretty much 0 now because of this pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Isn't childbirth one of the riskiest things a woman can do and you're already high risk. Your friend has a wonderful child. If I were in this situation, I think I'd look at adoption.

[Anonymous]

No way OP, I felt like I was dumb having three of my own (with similar complications plus hyperemesis). If I got pregnant tomorrow (my tubes are tied) I’d have an abortion because I’d literally be afraid of leaving my children motherless.