Can I be a surrogate for a friend if I had complicated past pregnancies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband will you let you die for your friend? You are very high risk.

He could knock her up again too. Would you be as judgey then?

Then she wouldn’t be dying for her friend she’d be dying for her child. I assume that would look a little different to her husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing about pre-eclampsia is it can get worse as you get older. My mom had it much earlier with my younger sister than she did with me. I really don't think this is a good idea.

It's also worse with a new partner.

Are you a 2x C section patient? You would be at very high risk of placenta accreta. The placenta previa/IVF/2 C sections are asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

I asked my doctor about this a few years ago and was told that my history of pre-eclampsia made it a complete non-starter. I suspected that was the case and really did not want to take on that risk to my own health, but getting confirmation from my doctor that it wasn’t an option made it much easier to say no without upsetting my friend because I didn’t have to get into my own feelings about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dearest friend has been having the worst time getting/staying pregnant. She has a healthy 4yo who was conceived naturally within two months and has been trying for baby #2 for 3.5 years. They have depleted their savings, maxed out a credit card, and my heart just breaks for her. I would be willing to be a surrogate for them as she has mentioned they cannot afford one. The issue is I have had very complicated pregnancies. I know I wouldn't qualify as a surrogate for a stranger through an agency, but can friends elect to do this on their own?

Pregnancy 1:
HG
Placenta previa
Pre-ecclampsia
Healthy baby at 39 weeks

Pregnancy 2:
HG
Placenta previa
Cholestasis
Pre-ecclampsia
Healthy baby at 35+6 (No NICU)

Not only no but Hell No! You would take a chance on your life and leaving your motherless? They have depleted their savings, maxed out credit cards which shows how irresponsible they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to add...as someone who is one-and-done, WHY do people put their lives at risk when they already have one or more healthy children??? The perfectionist vision of your Thanksgiving table 20 years from now is not worth it! There are so so many great things about just having one.

You must understand people having different wants and priorities. YOU are one-and-done.
Still, I agree this is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to add...as someone who is one-and-done, WHY do people put their lives at risk when they already have one or more healthy children??? The perfectionist vision of your Thanksgiving table 20 years from now is not worth it! There are so so many great things about just having one.

You must understand people having different wants and priorities. YOU are one-and-done.
Still, I agree this is a terrible idea.

I originally wanted 2 and my history of pregnancy complications and miscarriages was part of stopping at 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to add...as someone who is one-and-done, WHY do people put their lives at risk when they already have one or more healthy children??? The perfectionist vision of your Thanksgiving table 20 years from now is not worth it! There are so so many great things about just having one.

You must understand people having different wants and priorities. YOU are one-and-done.
Still, I agree this is a terrible idea.

And by the way, is it a good to risk your lives when you have zero children?

Given your perspective, and on a different topic: I am going to suggest that you may suffer from what many people with 1 suffer from, which is the idea that all kid are the same, too. I say this nicely and on behalf of friends who have 2-3-4+ and are irritated if/when you make prouncements about kids without the humility of having more than 1 kid.

[Anonymous]

Being a Gestational Carrier increases your risk of pre-e.

"On top of the risk due to IVF, surrogacy is a risk factor for pre-eclampsia. There is a known paternal effect due to the “foreign” nature of the genetic material. Prior exposure to a man’s sperm reduces the risk of pre-eclampsia when carrying his child, as does each subsequent pregnancy with the same man. In surrogacy this risk is thought to be heightened as the embryo is completely genetically unlike the gestational mother and unexposed to the male

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a Gestational Carrier increases your risk of pre-e.

"On top of the risk due to IVF, surrogacy is a risk factor for pre-eclampsia. There is a known paternal effect due to the “foreign” nature of the genetic material. Prior exposure to a man’s sperm reduces the risk of pre-eclampsia when carrying his child, as does each subsequent pregnancy with the same man. In surrogacy this risk is thought to be heightened as the embryo is completely genetically unlike the gestational mother and unexposed to the male

Right, so she's not risking pre-e, she's risking eclampsia, and probably at an early gestational age.

[Anonymous]

Are you insane

[Anonymous]

Any doctor who would ok this is highly suspect in my book. It is nice that you care about your friend this much, but in this situation your kids need to come first. I don't think it would be doing the hypothetical baby many favors either.

[Anonymous]

So…you want to leave your spouse a widow, your children motherless, and present your friend with a premature baby with significant health issues— probably lifelong— in order to prove what precisely?

Because all you’re proving here is that you are an unfit parent as it is.

[Anonymous]

You can’t just decide to be a surrogate. The reproductive endocrinologist doing the transfer has to approve you. And none will. So nice thought but move on.

[Anonymous]

Your heart is in the right place, but no sane and ethical RE doctor will do it.

You are opposite of a qualified candidate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband will you let you die for your friend? You are very high risk.

He could knock her up again too. Would you be as judgey then?

Yes