Growing up in the DC Wealth Bubble

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

YES. I’m the poster who went from public to a big three. I remember the wealthy kids always asking me for money and not paying me back! Like the ice cream truck man would come after school and if I bought something, and people saw I was paying with a five dollar bill, they’d ask me to buy something for them, and not pay me back. Finally once when I was buying something at the vending machine and someone asked, I decided to nicely say no, sorry I needed to save my money. She and her friends made a snide comment about me not being generous, and I was so hurt and confused. I got my spending money from babysitting and maybe a few dollars a week spending money from my parents. I didn’t understand why they expected me to just….give that away.I actually started to cry (unlike me) and it became a big thing where the counselors made us talk it out. The wealthy girls who had always gone to private just thought money was no big deal and you should just give it away whenever anyone asked.

At my public, no one expected you to give them money and not pay it back. My friends and I would go to seven eleven and it was this huge deal to decide what to buy with our couple dollars.

What I see from kids’ private school friends is that people really take turns in paying or buying stuff. If you never reciprocate, it’s really frowned upon. But kids give lots of gifts to each other.

Yeah, because the kids are so awash in money they don’t get some kids have to budget and spend frugally.

It’s like adults who insist on splitting the bill when they ordered steak and wine and their less moneyed friends ordered water and a salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

YES. I’m the poster who went from public to a big three. I remember the wealthy kids always asking me for money and not paying me back! Like the ice cream truck man would come after school and if I bought something, and people saw I was paying with a five dollar bill, they’d ask me to buy something for them, and not pay me back. Finally once when I was buying something at the vending machine and someone asked, I decided to nicely say no, sorry I needed to save my money. She and her friends made a snide comment about me not being generous, and I was so hurt and confused. I got my spending money from babysitting and maybe a few dollars a week spending money from my parents. I didn’t understand why they expected me to just….give that away.I actually started to cry (unlike me) and it became a big thing where the counselors made us talk it out. The wealthy girls who had always gone to private just thought money was no big deal and you should just give it away whenever anyone asked.

At my public, no one expected you to give them money and not pay it back. My friends and I would go to seven eleven and it was this huge deal to decide what to buy with our couple dollars.

What I see from kids’ private school friends is that people really take turns in paying or buying stuff. If you never reciprocate, it’s really frowned upon. But kids give lots of gifts to each other.

Yeah, because the kids are so awash in money they don’t get some kids have to budget and spend frugally.

It’s like adults who insist on splitting the bill when they ordered steak and wine and their less moneyed friends ordered water and a salad.

Pp here. This, plus no one was ever offering to buy me anything because I wasn’t cool enough to be their friend. They just wanted me to buy them stuff and then never pay me back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

YES. I’m the poster who went from public to a big three. I remember the wealthy kids always asking me for money and not paying me back! Like the ice cream truck man would come after school and if I bought something, and people saw I was paying with a five dollar bill, they’d ask me to buy something for them, and not pay me back. Finally once when I was buying something at the vending machine and someone asked, I decided to nicely say no, sorry I needed to save my money. She and her friends made a snide comment about me not being generous, and I was so hurt and confused. I got my spending money from babysitting and maybe a few dollars a week spending money from my parents. I didn’t understand why they expected me to just….give that away.I actually started to cry (unlike me) and it became a big thing where the counselors made us talk it out. The wealthy girls who had always gone to private just thought money was no big deal and you should just give it away whenever anyone asked.

At my public, no one expected you to give them money and not pay it back. My friends and I would go to seven eleven and it was this huge deal to decide what to buy with our couple dollars.

What I see from kids’ private school friends is that people really take turns in paying or buying stuff. If you never reciprocate, it’s really frowned upon. But kids give lots of gifts to each other.

But do you not see that kids who aren’t wealthy did by have the extra funds to buy lots of gifts for their friends?

[Anonymous]

Only in America are you to feel shame for having a normal upper middle class upbringing.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a difference between upper middle class and the Upper NW /BCC bubble. It is called entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a big three with so many people like you. I went to public elementary which I think helped my perspective. I also grew up out of state in a poorer area for some years of my childhood.

I had friends whose parents were dual government attorneys etc who thought they were poor. No, your dad who is an SES is not poor. Eyeroll.

This is why I sent my kids to public school. The oldest is now in a public high school, though, and I am not happy with the education he is receiving.I have told him he can apply to privates if he wants but the timing is such he wouldn’t get there till junior year so he probably won’t. My younger two will be applying to privates in eighth.

Anyway. Don’t put your kids in privates all the way through. Find a dcps elementary that is diverse.

Or put them in activities in the city that have a mix of kids. I always have provided opportunities for my kids to make friends outside the school/club environment. They are very grounded and know theyre privileged.

[Anonymous]

This is why we live in NE and our kids go to a DCPS school even though we're wealthy. Much more grounded. Coming from people who grew up privileged and never knew financial constraint.

[Anonymous]

I find it weird that the OP says all of their friends have at least 400k in savings by age 30. Do your friends tell you their net worth? I find it bizarre that anyone would talk about this. I went to one of the the fanciest and wealthiest colleges and I have never, ever heard anyone talk about how much money they have. It's extremely rare for anyone to even talk about their salary. Are my friends and I the exception? It's kind of obvious when people have a certain level of wealth (or at least spending), but no one ever talks about numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it weird that the OP says all of their friends have at least 400k in savings by age 30. Do your friends tell you their net worth? I find it bizarre that anyone would talk about this. I went to one of the the fanciest and wealthiest colleges and I have never, ever heard anyone talk about how much money they have. It's extremely rare for anyone to even talk about their salary. Are my friends and I the exception? It's kind of obvious when people have a certain level of wealth (or at least spending), but no one ever talks about numbers.

Recent college grad Gen Z and young millennials seem to talk about money a lot IME. With a lot of details: retirement account balances, investments. financial plan etc. I think all the personal finance tiktoks (and for the older folks, blogs) that have changed the culture around this for this age group.

[Anonymous]

400k in savings by 30 is a lot unless your family gifted it to you. i'm happier living outside that type of bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in America are you to feel shame for having a normal upper middle class upbringing.

I was thinking that as a POC I think this woke culture is diving us more and more. I agree being UMC is a huge leg up and I see that daily at work but some of these comments are just mind-boogling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only in America are you to feel shame for having a normal upper middle class upbringing.

I was thinking that as a POC I think this woke culture is diving us more and more. I agree being UMC is a huge leg up and I see that daily at work but some of these comments are just mind-boogling.

You think “this woke culture is diving (dividing?) us more and more” — but vast and growing disparities in income and access to opportunities are fine? That “culture” is somehow the issue rather than poverty, racism, and prioritizing wealth over, say, individual and community wellbeing?
That’s interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Easy: get divorced and see what life is like on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

I don't think its accurate to call the $400K in the bank "savings" - its probably more accurate to call it a trust fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between upper middle class and the Upper NW /BCC bubble. It is called entitlement.

+1. My husband is from NW and went to a big three. I grew up in much more rural and poorer states and went to a bunch of different schools between K-6th grade, none of which provided an education close to the one that he'd received by the time he was in 6th grade. He's pretty down to earth, but his siblings are not and they remind me of OP. His sister is so entitled. For her a catastrophe is driving 45 minutes to her IL's vacation home on the Eastern Shore. All of her friends are wealthy/UMC, white women from her middling SLAC or the big three school she attended. No one in that group could possibly threaten anyone else's worldview or make anyone feel bad about themselves. The definition of basic.