Growing up in the DC Wealth Bubble

[Anonymous]

If you only realized recently that this isn't normal, someone or multiple someones failed you along the way in terms of teaching empathy and life-isms. You failed at a certain point, in not realizing this, to be honest.

I'd start with deep dives into reading, trying restaurants that aren't your usuals, and finding ways to engage with people not like you in ways that they are NOT serving you and you are not providing charity to them (as peers is what I mean). That's going to be challenging since you don't belong to those communities, and you don't have to do that and probably don't want to.

It's not too late for your kids though. Sports teams, community events, events, restaurants, community classes, etc...

[Anonymous]

I’m probably only 5 miles or so from you right now, and there’s no bubble here. You have perpetuated this by the choices you have made. It’s not about “DC.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Your post which started this thread reveals awareness and a desire to learn. My impression is that you are a very nice, considerate individual.

During college, I met a lot of wealthy kids from Boston area, Greenwich/Stamford, Conn. area as well as from the wealthiest areas of Long Island, New York. They were unable to relate to others who did not enjoy the same privileged upbringing. Even worse, they did not want to relate to, or to understand, others from a different background. Decades later, the ones with whom I still have some contact, have remained the same other than for being even more entrenched in an upper class lifestyle.

What you claim "isn't normal", actually is normal to some. And they like it and don't want to expand their horizons to experience or understand the discomfort and difficulties of others.

I do not think that you can ever fully understand and appreciate what life is like for others who grew up with severe financial, family, and social issues. Being raised in a difficult environment often leaves emotional scars that never heal and are fundamental elements of one's mental framework.

Reality means different things to different people. You can have compassion for others--and your post suggests that you do--but I doubt that you can ever really understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

You grew up in this area and can't figure out that poor people live here too? Your schools did a disservice to you in the critical thinking and observational skill development areas.

This. I grew up upper middle class at best, child of immigrants. Went to Exeter at 13… I live in DC now and work for a nonprofit, as does my spouse. Even at 13 i knew how privileged i was, and I wanted to live my life giving back. It was credo of our boarding school too (forget Zuckerberg, who went there after me). We were all steeped in the “non sibi” way. Im really surprised when people come out of good schools not realizing they are trapped in a bubble. It’s probably the biggest reason we’re sending our kids to public schools. Get out there OP! There’s a whole wide world where you can use your education to make a difference and just broaden your own horizons about what makes a life.

[Anonymous]

My DS had your Ward 3 Big 3 upbringing OP with a key difference- he’s not and never has been so clueless

Why do you think you were so oblivious for 3 decades, OP? Do you have low IQ?

[Anonymous]

It's funny to read this. I nannied for 6 years and the families I worked for were so out of touch with reality. It would snow and they'd suggest I should take an uber home instead of walking to public trans. I definitely did not have an extra $30 for an uber.

They would ask what I liked from Whole Foods...idk never shopped there. Or what my regular restaurants were...idk we don't go out to eat.

They would say oh your sneakers look worn time for some new ones. Nope I'm going to scrub them with dawn and then run them through the washing machine.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal for.l many of us who grew up near major cities. Why would you wouldn’t want to be like that?

[Anonymous]

It is only RECENTLY?

Yikes OP. Do you read, stream, or watch the news? Have you ever volunteering anywhere? What have your parents been teaching you?

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up we lived in a very nice MC neighborhood and went to very good public schools in a town that definitely had its share of very wealthy people. There wasn't a lot of diversity or poverty in my town but I had plenty of friends who lived in smaller homes then ours. My parents were really good about teaching us about money and how lucky we were. So I really appreciated what we had even though others had a lot more. What I didn't realize until I was in college was that my parents were wealthy and chose to live below their means so that we would have a normal life and not live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

YES. I’m the poster who went from public to a big three. I remember the wealthy kids always asking me for money and not paying me back! Like the ice cream truck man would come after school and if I bought something, and people saw I was paying with a five dollar bill, they’d ask me to buy something for them, and not pay me back. Finally once when I was buying something at the vending machine and someone asked, I decided to nicely say no, sorry I needed to save my money. She and her friends made a snide comment about me not being generous, and I was so hurt and confused. I got my spending money from babysitting and maybe a few dollars a week spending money from my parents. I didn’t understand why they expected me to just….give that away.I actually started to cry (unlike me) and it became a big thing where the counselors made us talk it out. The wealthy girls who had always gone to private just thought money was no big deal and you should just give it away whenever anyone asked.

At my public, no one expected you to give them money and not pay it back. My friends and I would go to seven eleven and it was this huge deal to decide what to buy with our couple dollars.

What I see from kids’ private school friends is that people really take turns in paying or buying stuff. If you never reciprocate, it’s really frowned upon. But kids give lots of gifts to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

There's no way to "teach about the real world" when you're so far from it.

OP -- go grow some actual food in an actual farm. And make sure your kids get some actual jobs, no matter how small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

I'm not sure it's just obliviousness, this could be related to Bourdieu's concept of distinction. On average, people particularly like to distinguish themselves not from distant classes, but from those closer to, but below them. So the very wealthy try to erect boundaries between themselves and UMC, but sort of pride themselves when they reach down to MC/LMC--they are being "regular" and down to earth. UMC try to erect boundaries that distinguish themselves from MC, but want their kids to be aware of and empathetic to those who are less fortunate--the poor. In Bourdieu's view, a lot of the 'thoughtless behaviors' of the more well-off UMC would be cultivated class practices to maintain boundaries and keep distinction between them and those in the class below them. So even though the kids of UMC and MC families might go to the same colleges, work in the same offices, they--on average-- can preserve class distinction. Just by how comfortable they feel with people they will gravitate towards friends/significant others in the same class without articulating why.

[Anonymous]

Your world was very privileged. I grew up here and my experience was very very different.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you’re scared to speak to or go near poor or middle class people, maybe you can read a book about them? Watch a documentary?