Growing up in the DC Wealth Bubble

[Anonymous]

You are from a bubble within the DC bubble. It's not the whole beltway that has 400k in the bank and a 200k job.

[Anonymous]

I understand your point. My wife and I grew up in the Midwest but raised our children in the pricier NOVA suburbs. It’s easy not to realize your privilege because it’s normalized everywhere a child turns - community sports, schools, friends’ houses, neighborhood parents, etc. And what’s crazy is that for whatever you have, someone else has more, which reinforces the notion that your lot is “average.” Even if you go to UVA or some other school, invariably kids with similar backgrounds flock together.

It’s largely when we get outside the Metro area, particularly back in the Midwest, when we realize what our home equity and HHI would buy. We also realize we could retire immediately. At that point, you realize that you have it really good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

And yet, you conclude you were “lucky”? You don’t think there was any downside to that upbringing?

You may not know this since it’s your normal, but children of the upper class have higher levels of alcoholism, eating disorders, and anxiety than the National average. It’s not all “lucky.”

[Anonymous]

Have your kids ride horses because by horse standards, they can be poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

And yet, you conclude you were “lucky”? You don’t think there was any downside to that upbringing?

You may not know this since it’s your normal, but children of the upper class have higher levels of alcoholism, eating disorders, and anxiety than the National average. It’s not all “lucky.”

Wrong, so sorry. Higher income people are most likely to moderate their drinking whereas lower income people have the highest US population rates of heavy drinking.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3185179/#:~:text=Lower%20income%20was%20associated%20with,of%20heavy%20drinking%20in%20adulthood.

Higher income people also live longer, a lot longer, as a population. They have significantly more health years too. They are more likely to marry and stay married. They are more likely to report higher life satisfaction on the international happiness survey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

This. I met many people like this in law school. They assumed we were equal in every way because we’d gone to the same grad program. They did not (and still don’t) really grasp the differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

And yet, you conclude you were “lucky”? You don’t think there was any downside to that upbringing?

You may not know this since it’s your normal, but children of the upper class have higher levels of alcoholism, eating disorders, and anxiety than the National average. It’s not all “lucky.”

Wrong, so sorry. Higher income people are most likely to moderate their drinking whereas lower income people have the highest US population rates of heavy drinking.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3185179/#:~:text=Lower%20income%20was%20associated%20with,of%20heavy%20drinking%20in%20adulthood.

Higher income people also live longer, a lot longer, as a population. They have significantly more health years too. They are more likely to marry and stay married. They are more likely to report higher life satisfaction on the international happiness survey.

I don't agree with the PP that children of the upper class are unlucky and more prone to these things, but not so sure this study shows us conclusive evidence either. If I'm not reading it wrong, the high income in the analysis is a full quartile--so in their analysis starts at 87,000 income. That's not the same as the phenomenon many people are talking about in this thread of the "bubble" income (e.g. 400k+) vs. more normal DC "middle class" income (100-150k+). Both would fall in the upper quartile of income in this paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

And yet, you conclude you were “lucky”? You don’t think there was any downside to that upbringing?

You may not know this since it’s your normal, but children of the upper class have higher levels of alcoholism, eating disorders, and anxiety than the National average. It’s not all “lucky.”

Wrong, so sorry. Higher income people are most likely to moderate their drinking whereas lower income people have the highest US population rates of heavy drinking.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3185179/#:~:text=Lower%20income%20was%20associated%20with,of%20heavy%20drinking%20in%20adulthood.

Higher income people also live longer, a lot longer, as a population. They have significantly more health years too. They are more likely to marry and stay married. They are more likely to report higher life satisfaction on the international happiness survey.

Nope, for teens heavy alcohol use is much more common among the upper classes than the middle class:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/many-teens-drink-rich-ones-like-kavanaugh-are-more-likely-to-abuse-alcohol/2018/09/28/6bb641aa-c27c-11e8-97a5-ab1e46bb3bc7_story.html

as well as drug use:

https://www.livescience.com/59329-drug-alcohol-addiction-wealthy-students.html

The appropriate comparison is the wealthy vs the middle class, not the wealthy vs the poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are in your 30's. Your parents and teachers did you a big disservice by not teaching you about the real world. Why not start volunteering at a local food bank so that you can get a taste of reality.

I find that a lot of wealthy families DO have their kids do this kind of service and they do understand that some people are poor. What their kids tend not to grasp is how middle class kids'--the ones they go to college with, work with, are friends with--lives are very different than theirs. They tend to make all sorts of oblivious assumptions and are like bulls in the china shop when it comes to tact around what others are worried about, need to be frugal about, have to prioritize etc.

YES. I’m the poster who went from public to a big three. I remember the wealthy kids always asking me for money and not paying me back! Like the ice cream truck man would come after school and if I bought something, and people saw I was paying with a five dollar bill, they’d ask me to buy something for them, and not pay me back. Finally once when I was buying something at the vending machine and someone asked, I decided to nicely say no, sorry I needed to save my money. She and her friends made a snide comment about me not being generous, and I was so hurt and confused. I got my spending money from babysitting and maybe a few dollars a week spending money from my parents. I didn’t understand why they expected me to just….give that away.I actually started to cry (unlike me) and it became a big thing where the counselors made us talk it out. The wealthy girls who had always gone to private just thought money was no big deal and you should just give it away whenever anyone asked.

At my public, no one expected you to give them money and not pay it back. My friends and I would go to seven eleven and it was this huge deal to decide what to buy with our couple dollars.

What I see from kids’ private school friends is that people really take turns in paying or buying stuff. If you never reciprocate, it’s really frowned upon. But kids give lots of gifts to each other.

DP but you're still missing the point that that is DIFFERENT than the money mores for middle class and below kids. It's fine if rich kids get to school expecting to take turns paying for things, but a poorer kid will have had it instilled in them that 1) you never ask someone with more money to pay your way, and 2) you always pay back what you owe. So the systems of expectations are different and the wealthy kids are judging the poor kid by their system without any fear (or even realization) that they could be being judged by a different system. So they take and take from a kid like PPP without ever realizing that they've never taken their "turn" buying something for her, and then call her a name when she sets a boundary. And then they grow up to be OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Third generation DC Native here. Since you apparently know that there are “desired zip codes” — what makes the other zip codes less “desired” by you and your peers? I’m hoping that you’re trolling, since the trolling has recently become more elaborate.

In the course of living your life, you’ve never had a casual chat with anyone without a 200k job? You’ve never once thought about the people working in stores where you shop, or restaurants where you eat, or teaching you in the “local privates or the highly ranked publics” that you and your peers attended? You’ve never attended a cultural or religious activity with people who don’t take international trips? You’ve never taken the Metro, been on a bus, or chatted with an Uber driver?

Since this level of isolation takes work, perhaps you can start small. Take a class at the Y or a community center. Chat with someone who seems congenial. Take it from there.

You probably can’t really realize what life is like for the rest of us — until you’re faced with a problem that money can’t fix. Then, as you prioritize, and fill some needs while having to let others go unfulfilled, you might begin to grasp how the vast majority of people doing quite well by normal standards actually live.

On the off chance that this isn’t trolling, OP, I’ll look forward to any updates that you’d care to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

I grew up in the same bubble (but the families were more wealthy) but in Tennessee! Bubbles are everywhere. Embrace it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

You grew up in this area and can't figure out that poor people live here too? Your schools did a disservice to you in the critical thinking and observational skill development areas.

This. I grew up upper middle class at best, child of immigrants. Went to Exeter at 13… I live in DC now and work for a nonprofit, as does my spouse. Even at 13 i knew how privileged i was, and I wanted to live my life giving back. It was credo of our boarding school too (forget Zuckerberg, who went there after me). We were all steeped in the “non sibi” way. Im really surprised when people come out of good schools not realizing they are trapped in a bubble. It’s probably the biggest reason we’re sending our kids to public schools. Get out there OP! There’s a whole wide world where you can use your education to make a difference and just broaden your own horizons about what makes a life.

Noooo, you send your kids to public because that's what nonprofit workers can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

You grew up in this area and can't figure out that poor people live here too? Your schools did a disservice to you in the critical thinking and observational skill development areas.

This. I grew up upper middle class at best, child of immigrants. Went to Exeter at 13… I live in DC now and work for a nonprofit, as does my spouse. Even at 13 i knew how privileged i was, and I wanted to live my life giving back. It was credo of our boarding school too (forget Zuckerberg, who went there after me). We were all steeped in the “non sibi” way. Im really surprised when people come out of good schools not realizing they are trapped in a bubble. It’s probably the biggest reason we’re sending our kids to public schools. Get out there OP! There’s a whole wide world where you can use your education to make a difference and just broaden your own horizons about what makes a life.

Noooo, you send your kids to public because that's what nonprofit workers can afford.

Or maybe they work at non-profits guided by the same ethos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

You grew up in this area and can't figure out that poor people live here too? Your schools did a disservice to you in the critical thinking and observational skill development areas.

This. I grew up upper middle class at best, child of immigrants. Went to Exeter at 13… I live in DC now and work for a nonprofit, as does my spouse. Even at 13 i knew how privileged i was, and I wanted to live my life giving back. It was credo of our boarding school too (forget Zuckerberg, who went there after me). We were all steeped in the “non sibi” way. Im really surprised when people come out of good schools not realizing they are trapped in a bubble. It’s probably the biggest reason we’re sending our kids to public schools. Get out there OP! There’s a whole wide world where you can use your education to make a difference and just broaden your own horizons about what makes a life.

Noooo, you send your kids to public because that's what nonprofit workers can afford.

Nonprofit workers can make $$$ at the higher levels. You don’t know their details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

It’s actually normal in any nice part of any major American city. You have similar bubbles in Dallas, LA, chicago, atlanta, Nashville, NYC etc. it’s far from unique to DC. I’d argue it’s even worse in a city like dallas.

Also there is A LOT of poverty in DC. You’re just used to it.