Growing up in the DC Wealth Bubble

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Your post which started this thread reveals awareness and a desire to learn. My impression is that you are a very nice, considerate individual.

During college, I met a lot of wealthy kids from Boston area, Greenwich/Stamford, Conn. area as well as from the wealthiest areas of Long Island, New York. They were unable to relate to others who did not enjoy the same privileged upbringing. Even worse, they did not want to relate to, or to understand, others from a different background. Decades later, the ones with whom I still have some contact, have remained the same other than for being even more entrenched in an upper class lifestyle.

What you claim "isn't normal", actually is normal to some. And they like it and don't want to expand their horizons to experience or understand the discomfort and difficulties of others.

I do not think that you can ever fully understand and appreciate what life is like for others who grew up with severe financial, family, and social issues. Being raised in a difficult environment often leaves emotional scars that never heal and are fundamental elements of one's mental framework.

Reality means different things to different people. You can have compassion for others--and your post suggests that you do--but I doubt that you can ever really understand.

This. I am amazed at people who grew up privileged or semi-privileged and claim, with a straight face, that they really understand "how the other half lives"; we got a bunch of those in this thread. That, to me, is being way more clueless than OP.

100% agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Your post which started this thread reveals awareness and a desire to learn. My impression is that you are a very nice, considerate individual.

During college, I met a lot of wealthy kids from Boston area, Greenwich/Stamford, Conn. area as well as from the wealthiest areas of Long Island, New York. They were unable to relate to others who did not enjoy the same privileged upbringing. Even worse, they did not want to relate to, or to understand, others from a different background. Decades later, the ones with whom I still have some contact, have remained the same other than for being even more entrenched in an upper class lifestyle.

What you claim "isn't normal", actually is normal to some. And they like it and don't want to expand their horizons to experience or understand the discomfort and difficulties of others.

I do not think that you can ever fully understand and appreciate what life is like for others who grew up with severe financial, family, and social issues. Being raised in a difficult environment often leaves emotional scars that never heal and are fundamental elements of one's mental framework.

Reality means different things to different people. You can have compassion for others--and your post suggests that you do--but I doubt that you can ever really understand.

This. I am amazed at people who grew up privileged or semi-privileged and claim, with a straight face, that they really understand "how the other half lives"; we got a bunch of those in this thread. That, to me, is being way more clueless than OP.

100% agree.

The biggest thing that I don’t understand about my family members who don’t have much money is that they don’t see accumulating wealth as a goal. They all drive much nicer cars than my wife and I drive, and they borrow big sums to buy expensive toys — bass boats, RVs, etc. Meanwhile they have no college savings, and tons of credit card debt. I don’t get it. I feel like I grew up in a bubble of people who valued buying things for cash, maxing 401ks and college savings, and having tons of liquid savings for a rainy day. When our HHI was just over $200k we still had at least $50K in liquid savings. When the house needed $20k of unforeseen work, we paid cash. When the old car died, we bought a new Prius for cash. Now we make a lot more, but we’ve always felt wealthy because we never worried about money. I don’t get how people can choose to live with avoidable debt.

[Anonymous]

i grew up outside the wealth bubble looking in. (I went to one of DC's well-known private schools.) It made me paranoid about dying poor. I don't know why, but one of my biggest fears is that I will spend my old age in poverty. No reason to believe that will happen. I'm fine financially. Probably related to me wishing my family was more economically secure like my classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'll bite. I grew up the exact same way. I am in my early 30s and own a nice home in Bethesda. Most, if not, all of my friends all own 1M + homes. Our conversations are so "first world problems" -- worrying about carried interest, tax rates, ways to save as much as possible, starting businesses, etc.

I was in private school from Preschool through college and pretty much hung out with similar people my whole life. It wasn't until I got in the working world (about a decade ago) when I realized how lucky I was. People were shocked I had no debt, have visited 30 + countries, had parents still take the whole family on vacation. I did my community service growing and my parents entrenched giving back. For a 16yr old kid, that only goes so deep. Ultimately, your "normal" is who you hang out with.

I was definitely nowhere near the wealthiest of my friend group so I always compared myself to them. We didn't have a large beach home, we must not be rich. We didn't belong to a country club, we must not be rich. We worked all summer, many didn't, etc.

I think the DC area is a ridiculously wealthy area (even more so than some parts of CT and Boston) and we often times forget that even what DCUM calls "middle class" is so far ahead of 95% of our country. My wife is from a very wealthy family but she grew up in a smaller city and had a bit more perspective since she went to public school. She was shocked when we first started dating and saw how expensive everyone's clothes were, how much I gifted to friends for their weddings or baby showers, how much money I made..it was a bit surprising.

Odds are you won't change your lifestyle, and that's fine, but I do think instilling the idea in your children that what you have is not normal will go a long way.

I like your wife. That's how I hope to raise my kids. Just because you have money doesn't mean you have to accumulate all the trappings of wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Your post which started this thread reveals awareness and a desire to learn. My impression is that you are a very nice, considerate individual.

During college, I met a lot of wealthy kids from Boston area, Greenwich/Stamford, Conn. area as well as from the wealthiest areas of Long Island, New York. They were unable to relate to others who did not enjoy the same privileged upbringing. Even worse, they did not want to relate to, or to understand, others from a different background. Decades later, the ones with whom I still have some contact, have remained the same other than for being even more entrenched in an upper class lifestyle.

What you claim "isn't normal", actually is normal to some. And they like it and don't want to expand their horizons to experience or understand the discomfort and difficulties of others.

I do not think that you can ever fully understand and appreciate what life is like for others who grew up with severe financial, family, and social issues. Being raised in a difficult environment often leaves emotional scars that never heal and are fundamental elements of one's mental framework.

Reality means different things to different people. You can have compassion for others--and your post suggests that you do--but I doubt that you can ever really understand.

This. I am amazed at people who grew up privileged or semi-privileged and claim, with a straight face, that they really understand "how the other half lives"; we got a bunch of those in this thread. That, to me, is being way more clueless than OP.

100% agree.

The biggest thing that I don’t understand about my family members who don’t have much money is that they don’t see accumulating wealth as a goal. They all drive much nicer cars than my wife and I drive, and they borrow big sums to buy expensive toys — bass boats, RVs, etc. Meanwhile they have no college savings, and tons of credit card debt. I don’t get it. I feel like I grew up in a bubble of people who valued buying things for cash, maxing 401ks and college savings, and having tons of liquid savings for a rainy day. When our HHI was just over $200k we still had at least $50K in liquid savings. When the house needed $20k of unforeseen work, we paid cash. When the old car died, we bought a new Prius for cash. Now we make a lot more, but we’ve always felt wealthy because we never worried about money. I don’t get how people can choose to live with avoidable debt.

Oh man, I feel for your relatives. They're not going to understand that accumulating wealth is a goal if they've never been taught financial literacy. Capitalism rewards capital, so those who have it keep getting more. Meanwhile, your relatives keep running on the hamster wheel of non-stop debt. Don't blame them . . . blame a society that preys on the poor and uneducated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize that I grew up in a very privileged life in the DC area. Everyone I know when to the local privates or the highly ranked publics. Everyone went to college at least or has multiple degrees. Everyone has at least 400k in savings and a 200k job by the time they're thirty. Everyone has a lavish wedding. Everyone buys property in desirable zip codes. Everyone is a parent by early thirties. Everyone takes at least 2-3 international trips every year. Everyone has a parent or two who are wealthy and successful.

It is only recently that I realized this isn't...normal and its hard to grasp. How can someone who grew up like this realize what life is like for others who aren't like them?

Your post which started this thread reveals awareness and a desire to learn. My impression is that you are a very nice, considerate individual.

During college, I met a lot of wealthy kids from Boston area, Greenwich/Stamford, Conn. area as well as from the wealthiest areas of Long Island, New York. They were unable to relate to others who did not enjoy the same privileged upbringing. Even worse, they did not want to relate to, or to understand, others from a different background. Decades later, the ones with whom I still have some contact, have remained the same other than for being even more entrenched in an upper class lifestyle.

What you claim "isn't normal", actually is normal to some. And they like it and don't want to expand their horizons to experience or understand the discomfort and difficulties of others.

I do not think that you can ever fully understand and appreciate what life is like for others who grew up with severe financial, family, and social issues. Being raised in a difficult environment often leaves emotional scars that never heal and are fundamental elements of one's mental framework.

Reality means different things to different people. You can have compassion for others--and your post suggests that you do--but I doubt that you can ever really understand.

This. I am amazed at people who grew up privileged or semi-privileged and claim, with a straight face, that they really understand "how the other half lives"; we got a bunch of those in this thread. That, to me, is being way more clueless than OP.

100% agree.

The biggest thing that I don’t understand about my family members who don’t have much money is that they don’t see accumulating wealth as a goal. They all drive much nicer cars than my wife and I drive, and they borrow big sums to buy expensive toys — bass boats, RVs, etc. Meanwhile they have no college savings, and tons of credit card debt. I don’t get it. I feel like I grew up in a bubble of people who valued buying things for cash, maxing 401ks and college savings, and having tons of liquid savings for a rainy day. When our HHI was just over $200k we still had at least $50K in liquid savings. When the house needed $20k of unforeseen work, we paid cash. When the old car died, we bought a new Prius for cash. Now we make a lot more, but we’ve always felt wealthy because we never worried about money. I don’t get how people can choose to live with avoidable debt.

Oh man, I feel for your relatives. They're not going to understand that accumulating wealth is a goal if they've never been taught financial literacy. Capitalism rewards capital, so those who have it keep getting more. Meanwhile, your relatives keep running on the hamster wheel of non-stop debt. Don't blame them . . . blame a society that preys on the poor and uneducated.

Capitalism provides choices. Make good ones.