Just got a sad letter from my 11-year-old

[Anonymous]

I’d send a fun package to share with his cabin, including a treat that can serve as a birthday cake substitute (like cupcakes or giant cookies), and remind him that you will celebrate together after he gets back, so it’s like having extra birthday time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my sister and I went to sleep away camp and wrote sad letters home we meant them and didn't like camp.

And some on here are contradicting the OPs child as if they know his feelings and advising OP to dismiss those feelings.

Except that she received another letter that was happy. Should that feeling be dismissed?

That was the first letter, they had a follow up letter with child not being happy and wanting to see family for birthday. Stop twisting it.

It’s not twisting anything to point out that OP has gotten two letters, only one of which was unhappy.

It’s fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go pick him up already! how old is he anyway?!

This! I don’t know why or how this is so hard to figure out.

Not every parent takes the approach to swoop in every time their child has a hard feeling. That hasn’t actually been shown to be a great approach to parenting. It’s ok for kids to have a hard time sometimes. I’m starting to wonder if this is the same poster?? How could do many folks not understand that having a little sadness in your kid isn’t a sign to IMMEDIATELY go “rescue them”. [/quote]

+1 OP - I'd probably give the camp a call just to check with them on how it's going and confirm what they are planning for the birthday. You will not be the first parent to check in after a sad letter. If in the end, he doesn't want to go back next year, I'd let it go.

FWIW, both my kids tried sleepaway camp for a week at 10 years old. One didn't like it (not at all outdoorsy but had been willing to try with a group of friends) and never went again. The other absolutely loved it (different camp) and moved up to 2-weeks and is now 17 and working there. She thinks it's one of the best gifts we gave her and a couple weeks there left lots of the summer at home. This has been the hardest summer -- as staff she's there a lot longer, six weeks, and I'm looking forward to having her home again.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the constructive replies! I, too, had no idea that so many people were so against summer camp and considered it the equivalent of not wanting to raise your children! I don't know any kid who goes away for the whole summer. Ours is three weeks; many kids my child knows are going for this or for two weeks and come from very loving homes with involved parents.

[Anonymous]

send him an awesome over the top care package with stuff he can enjoy with friends.

he will never forget it.

I am 43 and remember the awesome care package my parents sent for my camp birthday.

[Anonymous]

OP, I also would not go get a homesick kid from camp unless they were really struggling. Just like adults, kids need the opportunities to overcome hard things. Of course there are lots of other opportunities in life to overcome obstacles, but this is the spot your kid is in now, and you want to show faith in him so he has faith in himself.

My kid went to camp and was homesick and didn’t love it. We got a few sad letters. He decided it was okay enough that he’d go again. He did, and it was harder and he liked it even less. So we called it quits, and he didn’t go again. But he talked about the experience all the time, and the things he had overcome (like sleeping on the trail under a tarp in the rain). To this day he laughs ruefully about it, but he wouldn’t change it.

He’s 15 now and I am about to put him on a plane alone to go to a camp he has chosen and wants to go to, 5 years after his lasts experience. He is nervous but knows he can do this, because he got through the hardship before.

I hope your kid is now having a great time. He probably is. But even if it ends up being a mixed bag, like it was for my son, there is still tremendous value and growth than can come of it.

[Anonymous]

Op, I wouldn't pick him up unless someone calls from the camp.

[Anonymous]

Very normal. Which I learned the hard way when my oldest went away for the first three week long sleep away camp at 11 or 12.

Got a very emotional letter about how homesick he was, how much he wished he was home and missed us, and how he was losing so much of the summer away from his friends, who he also missed, again around a week in.

Needless to say, me and his father were anxious and scared that he was sitting there miserable, debated calling the camp to check on him, decided that was too clingy and an overreaction because he didnt say anything beyond normal homesick stuff, then didnt get a letter the next week (they basically had one chance to send out a letter a week, if they wanted), then called the camp who told me that DS said he was too busy and he could wait until we picked him up the next week.

The moral of the story? When we picked him up he was all smiles and took forever to finally leave. When we brought up the letter he said he didnt even remember writing it and went on a long explanation of everything he did at camp that he enjoyed and wanted to continue to do the next year.

I think it is a normal part of going away, especially if they arent used to being away from home. Some homesickness is very natural, even living in the DC area for almost 25 years, I still have moments of homesickness.

This is with the one caveat is that there is a difference between feeling homesick, missing family/friends, and feeling abused or hurt by the camp itself. If the complaints are about other kids bullying him, or the camp forcing him to do something dangerous or beyond the scope of what he is comfortable with, or anything like that. If the complaints are of the latter type, that is when you might want to pay a bit more attention (without freaking out, remember that you arent there and there is only a slight difference between pushing kids/people to explore new things and forcing the issue).

[Anonymous]

Some of my fondest childhood memories take place at the summer camp that I would send depressing, guilt trip letters to my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of my fondest childhood memories take place at the summer camp that I would send depressing, guilt trip letters to my parents.

Since it was your experience, that’s the OPs child’s same experience.

[Anonymous]

OP Come back and update on his next letter and how he liked camp when it is finished. I’m very sure he will love it! Even if it isn’t his thing and he doesn’t want to go back, he will likely find elements he really enjoys and will be glad he went once.

[Anonymous]

My children have not attended camp, but the suggestions to call the camp to make sure your child is ok seem like good ones for your own piece of mind.

I am, however, a pretty frequent reader of this board, and it is really striking the contrast between people's reactions to an 11 year old kid who might be unhappy to a kid in camp (i.e., wait it out a couple weeks with essentially no contact from the family) and all of the everyday emotional support/logistical scaffolding that goes on here. So your child reaches out to a parent for emotional support -- and the response is to ignore? That might be the "best" response for a kid who is in camp, but it really is in contrast to all the stuff that gets posted on how to engage your kids on the other 340 days of the year.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

I send my child to one and if she were unhappy and wanted to come home and especially for birthday, I would have no problem with picking her up.