Just got a sad letter from my 11-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

I send my child to one and if she were unhappy and wanted to come home and especially for birthday, I would have no problem with picking her up.

+1 It's her kid's birthday! and the child's birthday wish is to celebrate at home with family!!

[Anonymous]

You all realize the mail takes a while, right? By the time the letter arrives, he's likely over the hump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

I send my child to one and if she were unhappy and wanted to come home and especially for birthday, I would have no problem with picking her up.

+1 It's her kid's birthday! and the child's birthday wish is to celebrate at home with family!!

Most experts advise that picking a kid up from sleep-away camp (or any new experience outside of comfort zone!) early is the worst thing you can possibly do for a host of reasons, namely undermining their self-esteem, embarrassing them in front of friends, implying they're not resilient, allowing them to call the shots, and reinforcing powerlessness. Moreover, experts know that a letter home is a 10-minute snapshot within a HUGE day of activities -- a blip on the radar. It's not the full picture. And any camp worth its salt would be in touch with a parent in case of a true crisis.
But dramatically driving up to rescue your kid due to one letter where they want to come home? Overreacting and psychologically a bad move.
Homesickness is normal, and the answer isn't swooping in to show what a loving parent you are and bundling them home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all realize the mail takes a while, right? By the time the letter arrives, he's likely over the hump.

+100 Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

I send my child to one and if she were unhappy and wanted to come home and especially for birthday, I would have no problem with picking her up.

I really think this is why we have a generation of people who cannot take criticism, who buckle under pressure, who have no sense of stick-to-itive-ness, and who are fragile and break at any sign of hardship at work.

[Anonymous]

This thread has become so awful. I'm sorry op. I had truly no idea people felt this way about sleep away camp. It may not be a good fit for some families and kids, everyone doesn't have to do all the same things! And of course kids can grow up independent and happy and all the things without going to sleep away camp. OF COURSE. And it's also true that some kids LOVE it. I have such incredible memories from my time at sleep away camp. I also have incredible memories with my family who loved me very much and could certainly take care of me...

I hope to send my kids to camp one day and see if they like it. If they do, we can keep doing it. If they don't, we'll try other things. But either way it will only be a little portion of their summer and even so, I will certainly miss not having them at home! That piece makes me the most hesitant as I want to spend their summers with them. And yet, I do think there is so much fun to be had and I really remember the feeling of independence it gave me that I think can be great given kids don't get as much of that as they used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is bizarre. Since when is sleepaway camp a bad thing? The majority of kids can't wait until the next summer when they can go back to camp. It's not something parents do to get rid of their kids for the summer. I guarantee if OP showed up at the camp to take her kid home, he would refuse and tell her no way.

Yes. Some people just can’t understand/don’t agree with the concept of sleepaway camp. That’s ok. It isn’t a right vs wrong. But I don’t understand why they feel to overrun the thread with their opinions about sleepaway camp if they don’t even send their child to one in the first place.

I send my child to one and if she were unhappy and wanted to come home and especially for birthday, I would have no problem with picking her up.

+1 It's her kid's birthday! and the child's birthday wish is to celebrate at home with family!!

Most experts advise that picking a kid up from sleep-away camp (or any new experience outside of comfort zone!) early is the worst thing you can possibly do for a host of reasons, namely undermining their self-esteem, embarrassing them in front of friends, implying they're not resilient, allowing them to call the shots, and reinforcing powerlessness. Moreover, experts know that a letter home is a 10-minute snapshot within a HUGE day of activities -- a blip on the radar. It's not the full picture. And any camp worth its salt would be in touch with a parent in case of a true crisis.
But dramatically driving up to rescue your kid due to one letter where they want to come home? Overreacting and psychologically a bad move.
Homesickness is normal, and the answer isn't swooping in to show what a loving parent you are and bundling them home.

Yes this. He was having a sad moment. That’s ok. Camps know this. I got several emails prior to my child going to camp from the director about homesickness, what to expect, best was to handle, what the camp does to help, how you can help from home, summer birthdays (our camp allows a birthday package and phone call home on birthday plus special camp celebration). So, while my kids personally love camp and want to go back yearly, write home infrequently, have minimal homesickness, and basically have a blast all summer, clearly it is common as a whole for most kids to experience as some point some level of homesickness.

[Anonymous]

OP: I don't know if your child's birthday has passed but if it hasn't, talk to the camp and see what they are doing to celebrate the day. When I went to camp there was a birthday routine for kids. It wasn't a full blown party or anything but there was something special done to celebrate the kid. The day wasn't ignored, it was special. And the kids I knew who celebrated a birthday at camp then celebrated when they got home.

A few letters home about being home sick was normal. Kids got over it. There was maybe one kid a session that I knew who went home because they were homesick.

A tip for latter years, if your child wants to go again. Premail letters. My parents normally sent letters so that they arrived on day 3 by mailing them early. I know some kids whose parents handed counselors packets of letters that were numbered to be given starting on day 3 or 4 that were just fun cards and cheery notes. Most of them said things like "I wrote this before you left but I hope you are having a great time. I can't wait to hear your stories and see your pictures (we could bring cameras, I don't know what kids are going today since so many use phones as cameras). Then they sent a letter as soon as the letters arrived in the mail responding to specific comments in the letters home.

[Anonymous]

Hi All,
I am the OP and just wanted to share a follow-up; we spoke to DS on his birthday and he was having a good day swimming and playing basketball. He said he did not want to come home but missed us. We kept it upbeat and positive. That night, his cabin threw him a party with a cake. This morning, we got photos of the celebration and he is grinning ear to ear.

I feel reassured in my decision to have him stay and am grateful to everyone who weighed in with constructive ideas on how to handle such a letter. I'm sorry that this thread became infused with so much vitriol and judgment, though, and really hope people can be kinder to people who make different choices than them.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad everything worked out and he had a good birthday.

Since your story has a happy ending, I feel I can share something on the lighter side. This thread reminded me of the song Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=er50h8W8vWg

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting the update OP and I'm glad your son is having a great time!! I know those sad letters are tough to get but the really are a strange rite of passage.

(Sleepaway camps have been such a great experience for both my kids - I was really annoyed how this thread kept getting constantly derailed by seemingly one deranged poster with some sort of weird grudge.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,
I am the OP and just wanted to share a follow-up; we spoke to DS on his birthday and he was having a good day swimming and playing basketball. He said he did not want to come home but missed us. We kept it upbeat and positive. That night, his cabin threw him a party with a cake. This morning, we got photos of the celebration and he is grinning ear to ear.

I feel reassured in my decision to have him stay and am grateful to everyone who weighed in with constructive ideas on how to handle such a letter. I'm sorry that this thread became infused with so much vitriol and judgment, though, and really hope people can be kinder to people who make different choices than them.

NP and I'm so glad to read your update, OP! That's wonderful.

I think the vitriol on either side is bizarre and uncalled-for. Some people love sleepaway camp, see it as a rite of passage and essential part of kids' upbringing, etc., and that's great.

Also great: not being on the sleepaway camp bandwagon, for whatever reason. There are so many ways to learn these kinds of lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,
I am the OP and just wanted to share a follow-up; we spoke to DS on his birthday and he was having a good day swimming and playing basketball. He said he did not want to come home but missed us. We kept it upbeat and positive. That night, his cabin threw him a party with a cake. This morning, we got photos of the celebration and he is grinning ear to ear.

I feel reassured in my decision to have him stay and am grateful to everyone who weighed in with constructive ideas on how to handle such a letter. I'm sorry that this thread became infused with so much vitriol and judgment, though, and really hope people can be kinder to people who make different choices than them.

You yourself wrote posts with the intent to provoke. You are no better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,
I am the OP and just wanted to share a follow-up; we spoke to DS on his birthday and he was having a good day swimming and playing basketball. He said he did not want to come home but missed us. We kept it upbeat and positive. That night, his cabin threw him a party with a cake. This morning, we got photos of the celebration and he is grinning ear to ear.

I feel reassured in my decision to have him stay and am grateful to everyone who weighed in with constructive ideas on how to handle such a letter. I'm sorry that this thread became infused with so much vitriol and judgment, though, and really hope people can be kinder to people who make different choices than them.

You yourself wrote posts with the intent to provoke. You are no better.

She's back.

OP, thanks for the update and glad he's having a good time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,
I am the OP and just wanted to share a follow-up; we spoke to DS on his birthday and he was having a good day swimming and playing basketball. He said he did not want to come home but missed us. We kept it upbeat and positive. That night, his cabin threw him a party with a cake. This morning, we got photos of the celebration and he is grinning ear to ear.

I feel reassured in my decision to have him stay and am grateful to everyone who weighed in with constructive ideas on how to handle such a letter. I'm sorry that this thread became infused with so much vitriol and judgment, though, and really hope people can be kinder to people who make different choices than them.

You yourself wrote posts with the intent to provoke. You are no better.