Just got a sad letter from my 11-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is away at summer camp for three weeks. Is this normal? He will celebrate his bday there and the whole note was about how sad he was that he wouldn't see us, how he cried about it, how long letters are taking to reach him, and ended with a huge sad face. He got there a week ago and his first letter was upbeat. We've seen photos on the camp's app and he's smiling.

Ugh. I am feeling so guilty.

Did he have a choice in camp dates?

This is hard but he will get through it. Maybe next year you can arrange it so he's home for his birthday.

[Anonymous]

OP, Is this his first summer? Camps do REALLY cool things for the summer birthday kids. My winter birthday DD came home and specifically told me how cool the birthday party was they threw for one of her cabin mates and how fun it would be to have a camp birthday. You son probably just doesn’t realize it yet.

Keep your letters positive and upbeat. I wouldn’t bring up his sadness, just ask how is doing and if he is enjoying himself. By the time you write and he receives, it could be 2 weeks since he was sad and wrote that letter. He will likely be feeling so much better.

Don’t feel guilty. Camp is amazing for most kids. And if it isn’t his cup of tea, he doesn’t have to go next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid has been at camp for some time now and is miserable and wants to be with family for his birthday. This is easy, go pick him up.

The kid had a bad night a few days into his camp and has probably already forgotten about it because he's looking forward to spending his birthday with his new camp friends.

This is easy, send him a funny birthday card.

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old went to a two-week sleepaway camp this summer. She was miserably homesick for the first week (and wrote a letter begging to come home, which didn't arrive until after she got home at the end of the two weeks). But by the end of the camp, she had made a ton of friends, had great experiences, and has been begging to please return next year.

So, the odds are good that your son will recover and feel it was a great experience. In any case, he'll survive, and you can assess if it makes sense to plan to return in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS celebrated his birthday at camp last year and asked to switch to a different session this year so he could be home on his birthday. It made him really homesick.

yes, they are young. Can’t you do something for his b day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old went to a two-week sleepaway camp this summer. She was miserably homesick for the first week (and wrote a letter begging to come home, which didn't arrive until after she got home at the end of the two weeks). But by the end of the camp, she had made a ton of friends, had great experiences, and has been begging to please return next year.

So, the odds are good that your son will recover and feel it was a great experience. In any case, he'll survive, and you can assess if it makes sense to plan to return in the future.

Yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, most camps will call the parents and let them know if the kids are so sad and homesick that there is reason for concern or early pick-up. Some sadness/homesickness is totally normal and learning to understand that you can have two emotions at the same time, like being sad because you miss home but being happy because camp is fun, is also a valuable lesson.

[Anonymous]

He will be fine, he won’t resent you in the long run and everything will be okay. BUT I would go pick him up.

All of these comments remind me of the age old argument of sleep training and getting the baby vs. letting them cry it out.

I was the 10 yo writing the letters begging to come home. My the end, I wasn’t crying and made friends but I would have rather been home. People told my mother it was good for me to stay. I’m not sure why. I grew up to be determined I would never ever send my kids to a camp unless they were begging to go and much older.

[Anonymous]

Can you send him faxes? I have no idea why they still do faxes, but our camp allows those and they get to campers asap. (They don't have emails we can send to)

[Anonymous]

One of my DDs sent one these sad sad I miss you letters complete with portrait of tears shooting out of eyes. By time we picked her up at end of two weeks she was begging to stay for next session and she’s returned every year now for 4 weeks instead of 2. She’s said many times it’s the best thing we’ve ever given her. Our oldest didn’t like camp - because of the roughing it part - not being away & independence. I wouldn’t take one sad letter as anything other than a healthy reaction to loving and missing you. If it were truly bad camp would contact you!!

[Anonymous]

Three weeks might have been too long for his first time but unless he tells you about something happening that concerns you I'd say just chat with him after he's home about whether it was too long and would he like to go next year for a week or two, preferably not on his birthday.

Years ago my kid told me about a counselor at camp who made fun of a kid who wet his pants. I think it's possible counselors in their late teens early twenties might not always behave appropriately. Other than that I would imagine most camps are mostly just fun and a nice initial away from home experience for most kids.

I guess it might make me a little nervous that I wouldn't receive written updates from my kid for weeks and therefore wouldn't actually know if my kid was happy or not and for what reason. I don't know the answer to that but I would hate to think something actually bad or inappropriate was going on and my kid couldn't tell me. It's very possible camps would not hurry to fill in the parents on stuff like that either, if they even knew about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it makes you feel better, remember Allan Sherman wrote a whole song about just this kind of situation decades ago. And by far and away most kids are going to end up just like the kid in that song, overall having a great time when all's said and done.

[Anonymous]

OP just call the camp and explain you got a sad letter and you want to check how he’s doing. Ask for a call back from the counselor or camp staff - don’t ask to talk to your son (unless they arrange a call on his birthday?) Most likely he wrote the letter a week ago in a bout of homesickness and you will hear he is totally fine!

I received a sad homesick letter from my 11 year old this year too. Fortunately due to mail delays I received it the same day as a happy letter, that was clearly written after the sad one. And she came home having had an absolutely wonderful time and wants to return next year. We laughed about the sad letter - she said she was just feeling sad that night.

I’m convinced all the “go pick him up” shaming posters are just against sleepaway camps for whatever reason. Fine, don’t send your kid then, but geez, what terrible advice they’re giving!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just call the camp and explain you got a sad letter and you want to check how he’s doing. Ask for a call back from the counselor or camp staff - don’t ask to talk to your son (unless they arrange a call on his birthday?) Most likely he wrote the letter a week ago in a bout of homesickness and you will hear he is totally fine!

I received a sad homesick letter from my 11 year old this year too. Fortunately due to mail delays I received it the same day as a happy letter, that was clearly written after the sad one. And she came home having had an absolutely wonderful time and wants to return next year. We laughed about the sad letter - she said she was just feeling sad that night.

I’m convinced all the “go pick him up” shaming posters are just against sleepaway camps for whatever reason. Fine, don’t send your kid then, but geez, what terrible advice they’re giving!!

Yep. A lot of totally irrelevant opinions from people with zero sleepaway camp experience

[Anonymous]

OP, can you coordinate with the camp to allow you to give your kid a call and see if you can gauge whether they were feeling momentarily homesick or whether this camp isn't working and they really do want to come home?