Annual family visit to sibling, different income levels/expectations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get splitting the bill for restaruants but charging you for food served in their home is bizarre.

+1. OP, in future years just split the bill at restaurants. I'm not sure what to say about the groceries. $1,000 seems steep for a few restaurant meals and groceries for 3 people (2 of whom are children) for only 1 week.

+2. I’ll bet you and the kids eat and drink less than they are charging you.

[Anonymous]

I’ll bet they are charging you for a house cleaning, just like pp. I’d be mortified if my sister decided to camp instead of staying with me for one week a year because she couldn’t afford to keep up with our lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who charges visiting family members for groceries?

I second this. When I have stayed with family, I usually send a Costco gift card afterwards as a thank you, but they don’t ask for a dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$1,000 for a week!!!!! Probably charging you lodging.

It depends how often they are going out to eat. I can see that sort of spending easily for 4 people visiting (2 kids and husband pre-divorce) if you eat out a bunch during the week. 4 people will be about $100 a meal at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1,000 for a week!!!!! Probably charging you lodging.

It depends how often they are going out to eat. I can see that sort of spending easily for 4 people visiting (2 kids and husband pre-divorce) if you eat out a bunch during the week. 4 people will be about $100 a meal at a restaurant.

OP said they only eat a few times at moderately priced restaurants.

[Anonymous]

They must also be buying organic and grassfed from Whole Foods if they are charging you for half the grocery bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who charges visiting family members for groceries?

I second this. When I have stayed with family, I usually send a Costco gift card afterwards as a thank you, but they don’t ask for a dime.

+3. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are charging for toilet paper and other sundries.

[Anonymous]

Say what you said here but to your brother.

[Anonymous]

1000 in one week is no where near correct. OP what has this been in past years? Are they buying $300 dollar bottles of wine?

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre. Why would you ever agree to such a strange arrangement?!

[Anonymous]

I think they’re trying to make a profit from your visit 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re trying to make a profit from your visit 😂

+1 Ask for an itemized breakdown OP starting this year. If your brother hems and haws saying they don't keep track jokingly ask if they are charging you for TP and electric too but seriously insist on seeing at least restaurant bills when they come and keep track yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems so weird to me! I'm the "poor" compared to a number of family members. They'd never dream of charging for food in their homes when we came to visit. I would definitely pick up a tab or two for a restaurant meal or takeout, as well as assist in meal prep at home, but no one is asking for grocery money.

I agree - my family visits for a week here and a week there and it would never occur to me to ask them to share the cost of groceries.

Meals out, yes. Groceries, no.

Strange.

[Anonymous]

Another for recommending that OP just use her words. The whole "I might decide to camp and drop the kids off next year" craziness just seems petulant and passive aggressive. What I suspect is that OP thought bro understood what a tough year she's had and might tell her not to worry about the money this time. It's also clear that OP doesn't trust her brother and thinks he would pad the bill. You can certainly ask for a transparent accounting but the accusation, while unspoken, will be clear. So demand details if you must, but know there will be fall out.

I simply do not understand in this age of Venmo why you guys aren't squaring up after every meal out. Paying back as you go is more transparent and avoids the shock of getting one big bill (that I think you kinda hoped wouldn't come at all). Or better yet, if the two families are pretty much equal in number and the types of food ordered, just split checks whenever feasible. I mean, if they order $10 mixed drinks and appetizers and you don't, then don't split. But if it seems relatively equal, split!

My guess is brother and SIL might not be as psyched about this annual visit as they once were. Having guests, even family, is a lot of work. Would you ever offer to let their kids come and visit for a few days without them, to give brother and SIL a break and to give your kids quality time with their cousins?

[Anonymous]

immediate PP here. I also meant to say that I too suspect that entry and event fees are probably also included in the $1K bill. Entry fees for fun activities are significant. I send my kids to the movies the other day in Silver Spring, MD and two tickets with all the fees cost $50. Seriously. So if your kids were doing things like going to a waterpark or amusement park, that will end up costing $100s.