Annual family visit to sibling, different income levels/expectations

[Anonymous]

In a way, it's good that OP isn't visiting and taking advantage of their generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have 3 people it sounds like they are asking reimbursement for their meals and yours. No way even eating out nightly yours should be that much. Split the check and pay your own.

This! I don't know why you are surprised by the bill at the end and why you wouldn't have tracked it as you went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get splitting the bill for restaruants but charging you for food served in their home is bizarre.

Same. We will trade off paying the restaurant tab or split the bill, but I’ve never heard of charging for groceries for someone you’re hosting in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get splitting the bill for restaruants but charging you for food served in their home is bizarre.

Same. We will trade off paying the restaurant tab or split the bill, but I’ve never heard of charging for groceries for someone you’re hosting in your home.

ESPECIALLY when one part of the group is experiencing an obvious hardship!! You shouldn’t even need to explain it to your own sibling, everyone knows that a life change like that as a financial stretch for all but the wealthy. Tone deaf of him not to step up!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a way, it's good that OP isn't visiting and taking advantage of their generosity.

HAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

If you're that bothered and your brother is that odd he charges you for groceries then why not go grocery shopping upon arrival? Have most of your own groceries on hand.

Split the restaurant bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - you speak your words
You've gone to the trouble of writing them. Now speak them.

+1 maybe he just feels it would be patronizing to change the status quo.

[Anonymous]

I would just be frank with your brother and let him know what your budget is for the trip. I would hate to be your brother and find out later it was a strain for you. Families can have tons of fun with a pizza and game night rather than dinner and a show.

[Anonymous]

Tell your brother. Your brother might feel a welcomed relief not to spend so much when you visit.
Perhaps he purposely goes all-out to show you a good time even though it's not really affordable for him (hence why he charges you for groceries).

You both might be in the same boat (wanting to be a bit more frugal) and not even know it

[Anonymous]

I would ask for an itemized bill before paying $1,000 for just food.

[Anonymous]

$1,000 for a week!!!!! Probably charging you lodging.

[Anonymous]

I am traveling with friends who make far less than us. I am “charging” them as little as we can so they don’t feel bad. I would gladly pay for it all just to spend time with them. Maybe your brother is the same. Only know when you talk.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he didn't include each square of toilet paper you and your kids used? Next time try to poop less often.

[Anonymous]

He's your brother, he loves you and he will understand that you are in a tough patch. Just talk to him. Years from now when the kids are all grown the two of you will remember these tough times and how you were there for each other.

[Anonymous]

You are so nice and thoughtful, OP. You should explain your situation to them and offer to pay whetever you are comfortable with going forward, and ask them to bring it down a notch for the few days you are there.

I am on the flip side of your situation where my BIL & SIL come to our vacation house with their 3 teen kids (who eat A TON) and barely contribute anything. They never offer to buy groceries or comp us. Just the cleaning of a house in a HCOL is north of $200 (depedning on the size; ours is not big, so $240), and I had to have it cleaned before and after them, on top of at least $2k for food for a week-long visit. I think their attitude is, you have more money than us, so you should foot the bill, which IMO is total bs and unfair, esp. considering that my husband and I have worked our a$$es off to have the nice things that we do, whereas they chose to live the way they do and have 9-5 low stress jobs.