Just not sure about having another baby

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

Wow you have an incredibly distorted view of marriage. My husband and I do acts of service for each other everyday. Some are minor some are big, and we don’t score-keep. I feel very very sorry for your DH and therapist. If you’re not divorced you will be soon.

Gross. I did not consider having my baby an “act of service”.

You comment a lot around here and you call everything “gross.” Newsflash: most things - this included - are not, in fact, “gross”. Pick up a dictionary.

Telling someone to bear a child after a second trimester miscarriage while she has doubts about whether that is a wanted child, and calling it an act of service is:

1.(adverb)
(especially of wrongdoing) very obvious and unacceptable; blatant.


Hope that helped you!

Your poor children. Imagine being considered a service.

[Anonymous]

Really this is not a conversation to be having with DCUM but with your husband. In recent years all the long-term relationship break-ups/divorces of my friends have occurred because of differing desires re: children.

I can understand not wanting to jump into things right away after a second trimester loss. Decisions about waiting before trying again or never trying again need to be done with your partner though. Have you broached the topic with him at all?