Just not sure about having another baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

[Anonymous]

OP if you don't want more kids, tell him now so he can decide if he wants to continue the marriage. It may suck if he decides it's a non-negotiable for him. If the roles were reversed I would expect the DH to tell his wife if he changed his mind.

[Anonymous]

Im not having anymore because im tired. I told my husband to suck it. She has two already he can look after. Give it a year to see how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

Wow you have an incredibly distorted view of marriage. My husband and I do acts of service for each other everyday. Some are minor some are big, and we don’t score-keep. I feel very very sorry for your DH and therapist. If you’re not divorced you will be soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

Wow you have an incredibly distorted view of marriage. My husband and I do acts of service for each other everyday. Some are minor some are big, and we don’t score-keep. I feel very very sorry for your DH and therapist. If you’re not divorced you will be soon.

Agree. It’s incredibly sad that PP views marriage and babies that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

Wow you have an incredibly distorted view of marriage. My husband and I do acts of service for each other everyday. Some are minor some are big, and we don’t score-keep. I feel very very sorry for your DH and therapist. If you’re not divorced you will be soon.

Gross. I did not consider having my baby an “act of service”.

[Anonymous]

OP, this isn't about "sacrificing" your body or having a baby as a "service" to your DH. That would be awful. However, when you guys got married, you both wanted another child. If your feelings have changed, that's totally fine and your prerogative, but it's also his prerogative to be upset and consider whether that is a deal-breaker for him. To state the obvious, you already have two kids. He has two step-kids who I'm sure he loves very much, but they have a dad who is not him.

A second trimester miscarriage would be devastating and I do think it's possible that what you're feeling now may be linked to that trauma. I agree with talking to a therapist and giving it some time before you drop this bombshell on your marriage. I am also 36 with 2 kids (although younger than yours- 4 and 1) and I definitely get wanting to move on from the infant/toddler season of life. However, it's only a couple of years - and time feels like it passes more quickly the older we get. Picture what you want your family to look like 5, 10, 20 years from now. If the blended family with DH is still what you want, then it may be worth dealing with the pregnancy and newborn phase one more time to get that.

[Anonymous]

You owe him nothing but a conversation. However, you need to be prepared for him to decide he wants his own kids more than he wants you. And, that would be fair. Messy, and hurtful, but fair.

[Anonymous]

You don't owe your DH a child, but he came into the marriage telling you what future he was looking for.

If you decide you are done, he will likely leave.

Other men you meet who want to be stepdads also likely want to be dads. Perhaps only date men who already have children? Of course that will create wrinkles as a blended family.

Very sorry for your recent loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this, but it’s cruel to not have another baby. It seems like you married a great man. He deserves the opportunity to raised a child who is his. I’d try to figure out what you can do to make it work. Realize some of your anxiety may be because of the miscarriage.

Um. What year is this? No one “deserves the opportunity to raise a child who is his”. Children are people, not a prize handed out for being a “great man” . This sounds like it was written in feudal Europe.

Not PP. The point the PP was obviously making is that they signed a lifelong contract assuming one thing and OP now wants to change her mind. That’s not a small thing. You’re either divorced or dense. Or both.

I’m neither. I am, however, horrified at the idea of a man “deserving” children.

why? People say that about women

Because “deserving” children of his own implies a duty of someone else to provide their body in service of that. That is incredibly gross.

Wow you have an incredibly distorted view of marriage. My husband and I do acts of service for each other everyday. Some are minor some are big, and we don’t score-keep. I feel very very sorry for your DH and therapist. If you’re not divorced you will be soon.

Gross. I did not consider having my baby an “act of service”.

You comment a lot around here and you call everything “gross.” Newsflash: most things - this included - are not, in fact, “gross”. Pick up a dictionary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was something you knew was important to him when you married him then you better have a heck of a reason to change your mind, one stronger than “I want to lay out at the pool.”

Yeah, what's one more miscarriage? NBD right? That's no reason to stop trying or have doubts about it.