Is not allowing parents inside the dorm to help with move in the norm now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The move-in date is a week before the classes start for my kid. After getting the keys and moving in, can the kid stay with the parents that night? Or it's not allowed?

Don’t do that to them. It’s the first night with all the people they will be getting to know. They will probably have some kind of meeting either RA, and then some icebreaker type of activities that night. Time for mom and dad to clear out.

+1
Move them in and then let them be! They won't want to miss out on all the events just to hang with Mom and Dad for one more night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

I find your scenario completely foreign. Especially since most freshman can't bring cars.

It’s like that scene from a movie where a girl shows up to college in a taxi. Was that pitch Perfect?

Yes! I was thinking exactly that during that scene! And also at the end of the movie, "Lady Bird" when she piles all her things into her car to drive ACROSS THE US as a freshman starting college. Who writes this stuff?
DP

My neighbor did this in 1989. California to Smith College!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

Good for you?

I am about as GenX, latchkey, hands-off by my parents as you got . . . they didn't know where I was or what I was doing half the time. ANd they helped me move into my dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

It's extremely common to move your freshman in. Even if you live within driving distance from home. But it's a day (sometime only a few hours) and then they are off to starting their college experience.

For those that live a flight away from college, it's almost a requirement for parents to go help (and who wouldn't want to?!?!?) I have it down (2-3K away for both kids). Go 2 days before move in so we can purchase room basics (sheets, towels, bedding, etc), get it laundered, explore the area college is (since we have only visited once or twice for a day each time), move student in and then attend "parent events" and leave exactly when the university asks parents to leave for new student orientation. No way a kid could do all the shopping and move in easily as it requires a rental car. Plus I'd hate for my kid to be one of the the few there without family to assist

I think this is definately a bigger deal for parents than for kids. My parents didn't help me move into my dorm and I was totally fine. My husband helped our child move into the dorm, but that was more because our son hadn't even set foot on the campus before he started so it was good to have a second person there. IF he had been more familiar with the area then he likely would have preferred to just fly solo and move in without help. Amazon delivery was quite helpful to help keep his packing minimal.

Amazon delivery (really any delivery) is a disaster for the first 2-3 weeks on most college campuses. The mail rooms are overwhelmed. My kids don't overpack (ok my older male didn't, waiting to see with the younger this fall), but there is no way to take an Uber with the basics---2 suitcases, then towels, sheets, blankets (one being a weighted blanket as that really helps my kid), mattress topper, fan (no AC) and I'm sure there are a few other basic needs. So nothing outrageous, but I can't imagine how a kid could fly 3K miles and then get all this stuff easily without a car. Oh, and I prefer to wash said towels and sheets once purchased, as I know it might be Dec or May before they are washed again (at least the sheets)
And as far as deliveries---my kid's campus this fall has a central Mailroom (not in each dorm), so I cannot imagine my 5 ft 95lb daughter hauling a mattress topper and her 20lb weighted blanket the 15 min walk from the mailroom to the dorm. Sure, she could probably figure it out, but it would be unneeded stress. So I will join her, we go to have 2 full days to purchase items (or retrieve them from the hotel, as I like to just amazon stuff there and have it waiting), launder them and then explore the area, since we have only been there for less than 2 days total.

I also enjoy going to the planned parent events the day after movein---University encourages all parents to attend, and then happily leave when they recommend. Being 3K miles away, the next time I will be back is likely May to help put things into storage for the summer, however, my kid could manage that themselves if needed (but it definately takes the stress off during finals for a parent to assist, especially when you don't have a car on campus)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

It's extremely common to move your freshman in. Even if you live within driving distance from home. But it's a day (sometime only a few hours) and then they are off to starting their college experience.

Neither of our parents helped us move in. Our children went to schools within driving distance and were allowed to bring cars are freshmen. They knew how small their dorms would be from orientation visits and took just the basics. The went shopping for what they needed locally or used Amazon to supplement.

We live a minimalist lifestyle as do many of our friends and their children. It would be so uncommon for us to help a move in to a temporary living space. They weren’t furnishing a house or even an apartment:

When I saw some of the post move in day pictures of dorms decorated like they were vying for a spread in AD, I just shook my head. It was all virtue signaling and a competition between moms for the social credit and validation they so desperately needed. We received our first day of school pictures but otherwise, we left it to them who are now thriving.

If it works for you great, but realize some do it differently.

Oh I get that everyone does it differently. Btw, I'm not an over the top (decorate the dorm as if it's for a magazine/competition). I'm a bring towels, mattress topper, pillows, sheets, blankets and a few other comforts along with clothing/toiletries. However, my kids would have wanted me to help with move in even if the college was only 1 hour away. We are just that type of family--one can assist their college kids with basics like move in and still have them thrive.
Kid 1 has graduated college and is thriving. And managed all move-in/move outs in college after fall Soph year--and that was only needed to drive vehicle to get stuff from storage---impossible for a 19 yo to rent a car and none of his friends had cars on campus---I was literally in the dorm room fall soph year for 15 mins; my kid flew in from another event, I flew in earlier that day, met them at airport with car loaded with all their stuff; dropped kid and stuff at dorm and flew home the next day. Oh and I think I ran 1 errand to get stuff from target and Best Buy. Literally saw my kid for less than an hour for "move in".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

It's extremely common to move your freshman in. Even if you live within driving distance from home. But it's a day (sometime only a few hours) and then they are off to starting their college experience.

Neither of our parents helped us move in. Our children went to schools within driving distance and were allowed to bring cars are freshmen. They knew how small their dorms would be from orientation visits and took just the basics. The went shopping for what they needed locally or used Amazon to supplement.

We live a minimalist lifestyle as do many of our friends and their children. It would be so uncommon for us to help a move in to a temporary living space. They weren’t furnishing a house or even an apartment:

When I saw some of the post move in day pictures of dorms decorated like they were vying for a spread in AD, I just shook my head. It was all virtue signaling and a competition between moms for the social credit and validation they so desperately needed. We received our first day of school pictures but otherwise, we left it to them who are now thriving.

If it works for you great, but realize some do it differently.

And vice-versa. Please take your own advice. Many kids WANT their parents to give them a hand with move in. I just shook my head at your entire post, but if it works for you, great!

Right---the only time I didn't see parents at freshman move in was with DC#1 one freshman roommate---saw the parents for 10 mins. However, this was Kid #4 for them (12 years younger than oldest sibling) and Kid#3 was a Senior at same school, so it was Kid#3 who was in the dorm room helping for 2+ hours (not the parents). Every other kid on the floor had 1-2 parents helping/enjoying the watching their kid move in. Helping your kid move in does not hinder their process with becoming a thriving adult. In our family, just because our kid turned 18 does not mean we are not there to support them thru events in life (with appropriate involvement as requested by the kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The move-in date is a week before the classes start for my kid. After getting the keys and moving in, can the kid stay with the parents that night? Or it's not allowed?

Don’t do that to them. It’s the first night with all the people they will be getting to know. They will probably have some kind of meeting either RA, and then some icebreaker type of activities that night. Time for mom and dad to clear out.

THIS^^^. Most universities will tell you when to "leave" and when to have dinner with your kid vs when kid should be with their new friends. Follow those recommendatsion---they have done this many many times and have designed the best plan for freshman.

For kid 1, move in day included convocation at 4pm. When that was over, you had choice to take kid to dinner and have them back for activities at 8pm or to send them off at 5pm with their roommates/dormmates. I took my kid's lead and left after convocation, as they were ready to head off with roommates to the dining hall.
FOr kid 2, move in day ends with university encouraging parents to take their kids to dinner and possibly do so with roommate's family or other floor mates. Kids have activities in the dorm at 8pm. Next day there are activities for kids and parents together as a family until 2pm; then it's highly recommended that you leave. Kids have another full week of Orientation/activities before classes commence.

So for kid 2, I'd hate to be a new freshman who "moved themselves in" and doesn't have a family member around to take them out the first night, as I'm guessing 95%+ will still have a family member there (except perhaps foreign students, who often can't afford to have family come).

[Anonymous]

My son moved into his freshman dorm in fall of 2020 and parents were not allowed in at all due to covid restrictions. They had plenty of help from upperclassmen and professional movers that the school had hired. My son had no problem setting up his room and it gave him and his roommate time to figure it out without parents in the way. For the fall of 2021, we were allowed in his dorm but we just helped carry stuff in and then said good-bye. He had no problems unpacking for freshman year and we saw no reason to be in the way for his sophomore year. He also packed his entire room up at the end of both years without any help from us. I understand parents wanting to be there and wanting more time to be with their kids before saying good-bye but the number of parents that complained that their kid "needed" their help was ridiculous. If your kid can't handle setting up their room, they probably aren't ready for the rest of college. Plenty of his friends are from across the country and flew in alone or drove themselves.

[Anonymous]

We dropped ds at Vanderbilt for HS summer program last week and the college/program allowed parents in dorm, albeit masked. DS kicked us out as soon as we dropped the luggage though, but that’s a whole other thread. 🙄 😆

[Anonymous]

^^ And again - plenty of students welcome their parents at move in and would find it bizarre for them not to be there. As several posters have pointed out, simply helping your kids to move into the dorm doesn’t “stunt their growth” or hinder their independence in any way. You do you, but quit judging the 99% of other parents who choose to move their kids in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ And again - plenty of students welcome their parents at move in and would find it bizarre for them not to be there. As several posters have pointed out, simply helping your kids to move into the dorm doesn’t “stunt their growth” or hinder their independence in any way. You do you, but quit judging the 99% of other parents who choose to move their kids in.

This was a response to 11:39.

[Anonymous]

People, no one is referring to Covid 20/21 move in. Just normal move ins. Stop regaling us with your Covid move in stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of two college graduates. We never helped them move in. We said our goodbyes at home and they were off. Freshman parents helping with move in is so foreign to me!

Are you from another country? In the US, this is a standard thing parents do.

+100
The people bragging about sending their kids alone are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today, I just dropped off my HS daughter at Radford for a month long summer program. Parents were not allowed inside the dorm at all, which I found very strange. Is this the way it is with colleges now at Freshmen move in or is this just because it’s a HS program?

When my child moved in Fall of 2020, not only were we not allowed in the dorm, but DC could only make 1 trip from the car in (before starting a quarentine) so it was just what could be carried. A big suitcase and a roller duffle. We shipped anything else. In some ways it made things easier. Only bare essentials which is really all kids need and have space for.

+1

OP, for a high school program, there is no reason for you to go into the dorm.

For covid and college students, there were too many parents who thought they were the exception, who ruined it for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ And again - plenty of students welcome their parents at move in and would find it bizarre for them not to be there. As several posters have pointed out, simply helping your kids to move into the dorm doesn’t “stunt their growth” or hinder their independence in any way. You do you, but quit judging the 99% of other parents who choose to move their kids in.

My kid's school has almost 25% foreign students. They move those kids in the day before everyone else---I suspect it's done so they can assist the many students who might be Solo for moving in. it's expensive to fly from China/india/anywhere outside USA/canada and obtaining visas can be difficult for those that could afford it, so I'm guessing many of them may be solo.

But I except the US student move in to have 98%+ with at least 1 family member helping. I suspect most US students without a family member there it's because of finances (ie they had to fly and family just can't afford the extra plane ticket---which are ridiculously expensive nowadays).

And yes, just like my grown kid out of college is not stunted by me "helping" when they have a question about "adulting". I didn't have kids to kick them out at 18 and never help them again. My kids are fully indepentn, but still call/text to ask questions as needed---it's an ongoing learning process and I for one am thrilled to assist at the appropriate level as needed