Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your husband not normally communicate at all? Wouldn’t you have said goodbye when you left to go pick up the preschooler? And wouldn’t he when he left to go wherever? I don’t see how this happened at all. Your marriage is bizarre.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on your own situation. This does not help OP at all and no, you don't know that her marriage is "bizarre."

Um what assumptions did I make exactly?

That everyone else says "hello" and "goodbye" before leaving or returning to the house, just because you apparently do?

Holy crap, are you for real? Greeting your partner and saying goodbye when you leave the house (unless they are very occupied, like in a work meeting) is baseline respect in a healthy relationship.

Please tell me this is not a popular opinion. If it is I think I understand why everyone on DCUM has marriage problems.

Oh for pete's sake calm down. And do tell us where you received your degree in therapy work, if you believe something so mundane is "baseline respect" in a healthy relationship. This is a perfect example of projecting your own emotional needs onto everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

This plus the recent event would make me never leave the kids alone with him again. There is too much that can go wrong, especially with toddler twins. Is he sleep deprived? Is he just inattentive? How did he explain this? Other than blaming you because he thought "you were paying attention" or "you were home"?

I would get a therapist so you both can talk this out with a neutral party. He needs to get his act together! I would be livid too.

I'm guessing he probably lacks in other areas of parenting as well, and in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your husband not normally communicate at all? Wouldn’t you have said goodbye when you left to go pick up the preschooler? And wouldn’t he when he left to go wherever? I don’t see how this happened at all. Your marriage is bizarre.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on your own situation. This does not help OP at all and no, you don't know that her marriage is "bizarre."

Um what assumptions did I make exactly?

That everyone else says "hello" and "goodbye" before leaving or returning to the house, just because you apparently do?

Should be SOP with children in the home

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing OP - you’ll never really trust or respect your DH again. The tub incident is chilling. I don’t think you’re overreacting. You need to get your ducks in a row with an attorney, put some safety measures in place, wait until the twins are 4-5 and then get out.

[Anonymous]

If you have never made a single mistake (that was a true boneheaded error…not a willful doing wrong) than sure divorce.

(He should consider divorcing such an emotional teapot though)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing OP - you’ll never really trust or respect your DH again. The tub incident is chilling. I don’t think you’re overreacting. You need to get your ducks in a row with an attorney, put some safety measures in place, wait until the twins are 4-5 and then get out.

I do think OP is overreacting, but your advice is mental. If the dad really is that dangerous, then leaving and giving him 50/50 custody is hardly the right course of action. And no judge would say these two incidents, years apart, while sleep deprived with small children is justified reason to deny a parent custody. Whether you agree or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

You both need to work on communication, you suck at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have never made a single mistake (that was a true boneheaded error…not a willful doing wrong) than sure divorce.

(He should consider divorcing such an emotional teapot though)

I've made lots of mistakes as a parent, none have involved drowning or toddlers left alone in a house. Wtf kind of mistakes are YOU making?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

[Anonymous]

Mistakes happen. My dad was once tasked with keeping an eye on my 2yr old (while we were in the same house but on a different level) while she played in the playroom and he was right there on the couch. Well, he got distracted with something on his phone or the tv and she let herself out and wandered off!!!!! We lived on a busy street. Thankfully she had just walked around the house and got distracted with the mud or something. But it caused about 10mins of panic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

DP. Almost drowning a baby is not catastrophizing AT ALL. OP, don't listen to this person. You don't bear responsibility for your husband's negligence. But now you do know he is not capable of being a good parent, so you'll need to be vigilant on your own. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have never made a single mistake (that was a true boneheaded error…not a willful doing wrong) than sure divorce.

(He should consider divorcing such an emotional teapot though)

I've made lots of mistakes as a parent, none have involved drowning or toddlers left alone in a house. Wtf kind of mistakes are YOU making?

I once drove home and realized I hadn't buckled my infant into her carseat. I have gotten distracted in a store and lost a toddler for a couple minutes in the aisles. I've left the gas stove on both lit an unlit for periods of time that were too lengthy. I've turned my back on a tub and had a child go under (for just a second but still). None of these are things I am proud of, they are things I learned from, but they also don't make me a horrible parent. Just a human being who is not error proof. And I'm the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have never made a single mistake (that was a true boneheaded error…not a willful doing wrong) than sure divorce.

(He should consider divorcing such an emotional teapot though)

I've made lots of mistakes as a parent, none have involved drowning or toddlers left alone in a house. Wtf kind of mistakes are YOU making?

I once drove home and realized I hadn't buckled my infant into her carseat. I have gotten distracted in a store and lost a toddler for a couple minutes in the aisles. I've left the gas stove on both lit an unlit for periods of time that were too lengthy. I've turned my back on a tub and had a child go under (for just a second but still). None of these are things I am proud of, they are things I learned from, but they also don't make me a horrible parent. Just a human being who is not error proof. And I'm the mom. [/quote

Except that none of these example come close to leaving a six month old in a bath tub alone or toddlers alone in a home.