For those of you whose husbands work long hours...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these big law families with 3 kids? Sounds like the new status symbol? But like, you already don’t have any time to spend with your kids and you want more kids?

Lol I'll bite, I'm the one pregnant with my third. My husband spends 3 hours a day with our kids, and all of the weekends. He's home at 5:30 and with them till bedtime, I'd be shocked if there are many other parents on this board who beat that. Also, we want three kids to put more out more than the ones idiots like you are raising.

Mark this post. You will never again see someone make such outrageous claims: big law DH spends 3 hrs per day and all of the weekends and is home by 5:30 every day? So many questions.

[Anonymous]

I could not be with someone who prioritized work like this in the long term. Short term sure, but if there is no end in sight? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these big law families with 3 kids? Sounds like the new status symbol? But like, you already don’t have any time to spend with your kids and you want more kids?

Lol I'll bite, I'm the one pregnant with my third. My husband spends 3 hours a day with our kids, and all of the weekends. He's home at 5:30 and with them till bedtime, I'd be shocked if there are many other parents on this board who beat that. Also, we want three kids to put more out more than the ones idiots like you are raising.

Mark this post. You will never again see someone make such outrageous claims: big law DH spends 3 hrs per day and all of the weekends and is home by 5:30 every day? So many questions.

Probably a specialist like tax or IP brought in on m&a and not corporate law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these big law families with 3 kids? Sounds like the new status symbol? But like, you already don’t have any time to spend with your kids and you want more kids?

Lol I'll bite, I'm the one pregnant with my third. My husband spends 3 hours a day with our kids, and all of the weekends. He's home at 5:30 and with them till bedtime, I'd be shocked if there are many other parents on this board who beat that. Also, we want three kids to put more out more than the ones idiots like you are raising.

Ie once they are partners they still work long hours but can set breaks to schedule their kids in their lives.

But this PP is so nasty it’s good her DH spends time with the kids too.

You say I have kids as a status symbol but I'm the nasty one? Sure.

Sorry, I was not the status PP. DP who is rankled by name calling and responds in kind

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of friends who are single moms or have husbands who travel a lot or work long hours. They are my people to have dinner with, go to the zoo with on the weekends, go on vacation sometimes, etc. It’s not what I would choose, but I can’t met my life be defined by my husbands job, and I can’t make him change.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t call yourself a “single mom” in anyway because it is ridiculous when you have wealth pouring in from someone else’s labor.

[Anonymous]

I quit my job. It was not sustainable event with a full time nanny and help around the house. I was ok with it though. If I would have been upset to leave, I would have hired more help instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these big law families with 3 kids? Sounds like the new status symbol? But like, you already don’t have any time to spend with your kids and you want more kids?

Lol I'll bite, I'm the one pregnant with my third. My husband spends 3 hours a day with our kids, and all of the weekends. He's home at 5:30 and with them till bedtime, I'd be shocked if there are many other parents on this board who beat that. Also, we want three kids to put more out more than the ones idiots like you are raising.

Mark this post. You will never again see someone make such outrageous claims: big law DH spends 3 hrs per day and all of the weekends and is home by 5:30 every day? So many questions.

Probably a specialist like tax or IP brought in on m&a and not corporate law

It can’t be true even for tax and IP.

[Anonymous]

My husband is not in big law but works a job with similarly demanding hours (late nights and weekends). I quit my job. Honestly I hated being back at work anyway, but it didn’t help that I was working full time + primary parent evenings and weekends. It just made more sense to redefine my responsibilities as primary parent only. We have figured out a better balance now and he is off work for dinner through bedtime every day. Then if he chooses to resume and work til 10pm or whatever instead of having personal time, that’s up to him. It’s a grind for both of us but it’s hopefully not forever. We have goals of early retirement so it’s worth the long hours right now.

[Anonymous]

I learned to manage the staff. And downshifted full time jobs, still well paid but not what I could make if I was still a ball buster.

I take kid vacations with family and friends since spouse is a work addict and unreliable. I don’t factor him in for much at all - appts, chatting about emails/decisions, vacation plans (besides date and my recommendations (easy ones for me/all inclusive)).

That said there are two ways it can unfold. I work with well paid private equity partners who are actually pretty involved and in the know about their kids, wife and household, WHEN they are in town or around. They also read hardcovers, go to shows, take wife away in weekend bday trips that THEY planned! Montreal book was right in his desk during the board call.

Then we’re are the work addicts who don’t even read their personal emails or say thank you and like to stay ignorant to what it takes to raise kids and own a property or make a home. This life gets lonely and you just socialize with friends and extended family more, you need emotional support elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these big law families with 3 kids? Sounds like the new status symbol? But like, you already don’t have any time to spend with your kids and you want more kids?

Lol I'll bite, I'm the one pregnant with my third. My husband spends 3 hours a day with our kids, and all of the weekends. He's home at 5:30 and with them till bedtime, I'd be shocked if there are many other parents on this board who beat that. Also, we want three kids to put more out more than the ones idiots like you are raising.

Mark this post. You will never again see someone make such outrageous claims: big law DH spends 3 hrs per day and all of the weekends and is home by 5:30 every day? So many questions.

I must have missed this super guy’s occupation. He must not have clients. Maybe established startup wealth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not in big law but works a job with similarly demanding hours (late nights and weekends). I quit my job. Honestly I hated being back at work anyway, but it didn’t help that I was working full time + primary parent evenings and weekends. It just made more sense to redefine my responsibilities as primary parent only. We have figured out a better balance now and he is off work for dinner through bedtime every day. Then if he chooses to resume and work til 10pm or whatever instead of having personal time, that’s up to him. It’s a grind for both of us but it’s hopefully not forever. We have goals of early retirement so it’s worth the long hours right now.

Work till 10pm? How young are your kids and what bedtime? Mine are late elementary and with sports and homework and dinner bedtime is 9pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned to manage the staff. And downshifted full time jobs, still well paid but not what I could make if I was still a ball buster.

I take kid vacations with family and friends since spouse is a work addict and unreliable. I don’t factor him in for much at all - appts, chatting about emails/decisions, vacation plans (besides date and my recommendations (easy ones for me/all inclusive)).

That said there are two ways it can unfold. I work with well paid private equity partners who are actually pretty involved and in the know about their kids, wife and household, WHEN they are in town or around. They also read hardcovers, go to shows, take wife away in weekend bday trips that THEY planned! Montreal book was right in his desk during the board call.

Then we’re are the work addicts who don’t even read their personal emails or say thank you and like to stay ignorant to what it takes to raise kids and own a property or make a home. This life gets lonely and you just socialize with friends and extended family more, you need emotional support elsewhere.

PE is so much better than law, most of finance is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t call yourself a “single mom” in anyway because it is ridiculous when you have wealth pouring in from someone else’s labor.

We need a term for people who are married, but parent solo.

If I’m both single (divorced) and a mom, can I call myself a single mom, even if I receive child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The demands of a big law young associate and a big law partner are different. Partners have a lot more control over their schedules and typically (though not always) work less (still a lot, but less than junior associates). Associates often (though not always) have pretty minimal control and grind out a lot of hours. Agreed that this is going to depend on the firm, practice, clients, and partner(s). I point this out because while all of this advice and perspective is good and helpful, some of it just won't work as well for a big law junior associate. Just by way of example with the family dinner, if I routinely left before 7pm in the first 2 years at a law firm, I believe I would have been let go. I'm not sure I would have felt comfortable doing this for a few years, other than on Fridays.

Another thing to keep in mind OP is that, unfortunately, the employability of a junior attorney is not great. So, if your husband has only been practicing for a short time, it might be very difficult for him to get a different job.

I realize this is not a comment full of helpful advice, but perhaps this could be helpful perspective.

I mentioned family dinner, but I wasn’t suggesting that OP insist on family dinners. I didn’t do that until the kids could actually participate in family dinners.

It can be really hard for people to see other options when they are in the grind of a well-paying job. It eats away at your ability to gain perspective and it feels like you have no choice. This is why some firms have gotten rid of the option to take a sabbatical. Once you have a minute to see another life outside of big law, you often don’t want to go back.