Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up

[Anonymous]

You are a frequent poster, and if I remember correctly:
- You have longstanding grievances about your BIL's involvement with his mother's care.
- However, you and your husband moved your MIL to specifically be near you, but you frequently grumble about how your BIL doesn't fly in to help with the day-to-day care of his mother.
- It appears you made this bed, and now are unhappy with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, what role do you think BIL will/can/should take in this matter? She’s in the ICU, in good medical hands, and both you and your husband are there. There’s no reason to rush and drive 4 hours to a full bedside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what role do you think BIL will/can/should take in this matter? She’s in the ICU, in good medical hands, and both you and your husband are there. There’s no reason to rush and drive 4 hours to a full bedside.

This. If you feel you are doing too much, then do less. No need to be a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what role do you think BIL will/can/should take in this matter? She’s in the ICU, in good medical hands, and both you and your husband are there. There’s no reason to rush and drive 4 hours to a full bedside.

This. If you feel you are doing too much, then do less. No need to be a martyr.

Op sounds like she thrives on martyrdom.

[Anonymous]

But, but she’s sitting in SWEATS!

[Anonymous]

Maybe he had hospital phobia? I have a severe phobia of doctors and get extremely anxious in them. I am not much help and generally wouldn’t come unless I absolutely had to. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

How is she 91 and you have young kids??

You can only control your own actions, not those of others around you

[Anonymous]

Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.

+1 Dude, WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.

+1 Dude, WTF

+2 We have some horrible people posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.

I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!

When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.

You can't stay with someone in the ICU...

And they have three "young" kids, but Grandma is in her 90s. I guess this could be the second family.

I don't know what to tell you. I'm the person who posted about her dad. I stayed with him all night. He was in the ICU and I was with him the whole time. LOL, they even brought in one of those chairs that lays out like a bed, gave me a blanket and gave me those things you put over your eyes to sleep.

You can keep posting the same idiocy about what you think are the rules in the ICU but it doesn't make my experience not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.

I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!

When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.

You can't stay with someone in the ICU...

And they have three "young" kids, but Grandma is in her 90s. I guess this could be the second family.

I don't know what to tell you. I'm the person who posted about her dad. I stayed with him all night. He was in the ICU and I was with him the whole time. LOL, they even brought in one of those chairs that lays out like a bed, gave me a blanket and gave me those things you put over your eyes to sleep.

You can keep posting the same idiocy about what you think are the rules in the ICU but it doesn't make my experience not true.

It depends on the hospital. My hospital does not allow overnight visitors unless very specific circumstances such as a pediatric patient or could be an elderly pt with dementia who is easier to manage with family present (requires special permission from senior leadership though)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your OP reeks with judgement, superiority and hysteria. As PPs have said, you have no idea what the relationship is between your MIL and your BIL. It's not your business. Your MIL is in the ICU. She's being cared for. Whether he is absent or present, nothing he can do will change the outcome. Any decisions that need to be made regarding where she goes after the hospital stay can be done via Zoom. It's not as if she hasn't already been in an assisted living residence. You do what you feel you need to do and your BIL will do what he feels he needs to do. Haven't you learned at your age that just because people handle things differently than you do doesn't mean they're wrong or that your way is better.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 91 yo she is overdue for dying.

I almost choked. DCUM, you never fail to disappoint.