Adult child's home is not clean, do I say something?

[Anonymous]

Just shut up and myob!

[Anonymous]

If you aren't comfortable with the bathroom or the kitchen, I think you can say something, best before you visit. I am assuming this is an adult child who lives alone, because if there is a relationship or marriage that's different territory. That's only if you really feel it's impossible to bring yourself to use said bathroom or eat food made in said kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Son or daughter?

If son, you may want to gently joke that women will be more impressed if he keeps his house a bit cleaner.

I’d lean this way. They might not realize how funkytown the bathroom is to others.

+1. I know so many gross adults who don't "see" it, but people (friends and prospective partners) definitely notice. It's better to hear it from your mom.

Say it once, offer to help, then drop it.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to give me cleaning products for Christmas. It really sullies the mood of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-thanks for all your input. I tend to agree that I should not bring it up. My instinct is that parenting ends when a child becomes an adult and from that point on you enjoy an adult-adult relationship if you are lucky enough to have a pleasant one, which I am. I enjoy the company of my adult children more than anyone else I know.

I have thought about just going ahead and cleaning but even that seems to be a bit insulting. I do clean up after myself when I use their bathroom and kitchen.

Wise decision. She has other priorities than a house clean enough for her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult child is single and in their 30s so no partner or kids to keep up with. Home is small so not a huge job. Child was raised in a home that was always kept neat and was cleaned regularly by parents with children helping. My home is currently kept neat and clean so that's what adult child sees when they visit.

When I visit adult child their home is basically neat but bathroom is not cleaned well and kitchen is kind of sketchy too.

Do I say something? So far I have not, ever. I want to maintain the good relationship I have with adult child and do not want to introduce conflict.

Still, it bothers me. I don't like a non-clean bathroom.

Hmm, tell them to hire cleaners once a month for scrubbing and destabilizing and dusting. One person with no pets should be generating tons of dirt. And you seem day they don’t have clutter or untidyiness

[Anonymous]

* shouldn’t be generating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Son or daughter?

If son, you may want to gently joke that women will be more impressed if he keeps his house a bit cleaner.

Or you could make the same sexust joke with a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Son or daughter?

If son, you may want to gently joke that women will be more impressed if he keeps his house a bit cleaner.

Or you could make the same sexust joke with a daughter.

Sexist

[Anonymous]

Unless you’re offering to pay for a cleaning service, keep your mouth shut!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay in your lane. If you wouldn't go to another adult's house and comment on its cleanliness, why would it be ok to go to your adult child's house and comment on its cleanliness?

Because you are their mother. They only have one person who loves them despite their dirty bathroom, but who should be able to be honest with them.

An adult child is NOT the same as a friend.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a very organized neat freak. I am the polar opposite. ADHD, easily overwhelmed, depression, anxiety, single working mom.

I KNOW my house isn't to my mom's standards. It's not even cleaned to my standards; there is just so much time and energy in a day. I finally hired a housekeeper. Whenever my mom visits, she never criticizes. She helps fold laundry, picks up groceries, and helps declutter (she loves doing it, and lord knows I need help with it).

Don't be critical, just step in and help. Scrub the bathroom if you feel compelled.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t had a housekeeper since the pandemic started and the cleanliness of my house has definitely declined. We do our best but it is not guest-ready. My children and husband have asthma and thus are high risk. If I invite you over, it is because I think you understand and not a judgy person. If you said anything critical, I would not have you over again even if you were family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. "Honey, what's going on here? Are you overwhelmed? Can I help you?" My kids have been taught how to clean. If they're not doing it, something's going on with them.

Perfect

[Anonymous]

Adult child IS the same as a friend

imo, that's the approach you want.