Please. Stop. Blaming. Others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This crap was happening 25 years ago too. A lot of my classmates grumbled and whined when I got into a “lesser” Ivy that rejected them. They knew I wasn’t on any teams or in any school leadership roles like they were. What they didn’t know is I spent two summers volunteering full-time with children with terminal illnesses and won an award from the state for it. This happened to exactly match up with the major I was applying for.

You think you know the other kids’ stats and qualifications, but often you do not…so stop comparing!

+1

The aggrieved parents don't know s*it. Just making up stuff to make them feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parent of white kid who had no hooks who got into very top SLAC... agree... she can't even celebrate her acceptance because she has to tiptoe around all of the kids who assume she is legacy or are mad that she got in and they didn't. its ridiculous.

+1000

Must happen every year, but seems particularly toxic after so many were shocked and disappointed last week. Can only assume kids are treating your DD this week because they are laughing out in their own pain. I'm sorry your DD can't celebrate her acceptance. Getting any good news last week was extraordinary. Worth celebrating.

Signed, Parent of a kid shut out last week and likely going to a safety

Oh boo f’ing hoo. My kid got into a great SLAC and several other nice ones. Still waiting on Ivies but I told her no matter what happens just tell people where you are going once you decide. Don’t talk about where else you got in. It’s smug and obnoxious and stings others who didn’t get in. There is no rhyme or reason for many of the top school decisions. Show empathy and class and be low key.

You should know this snd teach your kid this. There will lots of time for “celebrating” where she’s going. Now us not the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am really sorry that so many kids are hurting right now because of the college rejections. It hurts, I know. Especially when your child has worked hard and seems to be well qualified for these schools by objective measures, like GPA and test scores. My DC is one of these kids, having just been rejected or WL from seven schools over the last two weeks (and rejected ED in December).

The fact is, many schools are simply flooded with applications from well qualified students and cannot accept them all. So they make tough decisions and make decisions based on very quick reviews of applications, many of which are basically indistinguishable from one another. In some cases, they may look "unfair" because we see other kids in our orbit getting into the same school that our kid gets rejected from and we can't imagine what that kid had that ours didn't.

So, to make ourselves and our kids feel better, there is so much blaming--blaming other "lesser" URM kids, "lesser" public schools with grade inflation, "yield protection", etc.....and it is not fair to the kids who did get in. And, to be honest, it's not good for our own kids--it only feeds grievances. Let's teach them graciousness and grit. It will serve everyone better.

So, to all the kids out there who were accepted to Rice, Hopkins, Wash U, Rice, Northeastern, CMU, Northwestern: Congratulations to you! You deserve it! You are worthy of that acceptance. You earned it.

Have you ever thought,

...it is not fair to the kids who didn't get in?

This x 100.

You braggers need to learn some class and humility and teach it to your kids. No one needs to broadcast irl all the school where you/your kid got in. Let folks know only once you decide on your school. Then is the time for celebrating not for every school your kid gets in to.

[Anonymous]

the system is broken and so random admission especially in CA. High stats kid rejected from all UC CS program but got into UMICH, Prudue, etc... Need to pay OOS fees. It is so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Lol, I went to a really competitive high school and there is no way I would have told anyone besides my parents anything close to my actual stats. Too much drama to let loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

Think you are out of touch. That kid is delusional and their family did them no favors. Maybe more kids need to take AP Stats. The odds are never in their favor in college admissions.

If your 17 YO kids are "dreaming of going to a particular school," then may I suggest that you, as a parent, have done them no favors in cultivating that attitude. There is no way that the kids themselves get so caught up in name-brand schools, to the point that they are "dreaming" about acceptance, except that a) their parents and b) their current private school encourages that line of thinking. That is on you for allowing that mindset to get out of control in your kids' heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

Think you are out of touch. That kid is delusional and their family did them no favors. Maybe more kids need to take AP Stats. The odds are never in their favor in college admissions.

If your 17 YO kids are "dreaming of going to a particular school," then may I suggest that you, as a parent, have done them no favors in cultivating that attitude. There is no way that the kids themselves get so caught up in name-brand schools, to the point that they are "dreaming" about acceptance, except that a) their parents and b) their current private school encourages that line of thinking. That is on you for allowing that mindset to get out of control in your kids' heads.

Agree. With our older kid, we really stressed not falling in love with one school and having a list of schools she could be happy at. Our younger one is falling in love with a reach (for her). She’s a junior so we have time, but desperately trying to get her to fa in love with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

Think you are out of touch. That kid is delusional and their family did them no favors. Maybe more kids need to take AP Stats. The odds are never in their favor in college admissions.

If your 17 YO kids are "dreaming of going to a particular school," then may I suggest that you, as a parent, have done them no favors in cultivating that attitude. There is no way that the kids themselves get so caught up in name-brand schools, to the point that they are "dreaming" about acceptance, except that a) their parents and b) their current private school encourages that line of thinking. That is on you for allowing that mindset to get out of control in your kids' heads.

This is easier said than done sometimes. My in laws live right next to a college campus and worked there for decades. Every time my DC sees their grandparents they’ve seen this school. This is now their dream school and they probably won’t get in. I’ve been telling them for years how hard it is to get in and have been pumping up other schools but they don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

I’m very in touch. I see this and think “crappy parenting”. It’s your job help your kid take a realistic approach to college admissions. That can mean applying to the single digit admit school. But also being candid with them about their chances— without saying the the world hates rich white kids. Makes sure they know there are thousands more qualified applicants than slots and she may not get a slot. Getting her interested and engaged in touring and applying to more realistic alternates. You should also helping them to find schools that are less selective that they can also get excited about. So they have a solid plan B if they don’t win the lottery. If you sat back and let your kid think they would probably get into a lottery school, that’s on you.

Plus, often the parents are more upset and angry than the kids. They see the Ivy admit as validation of all of their parenting choices and sacrifices. They put in the work and wrote the checks and now they want the bumper sticker and the name drop at parties and to feel superior to parents of kids going to “less than” schools. But IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

A kid who is realistic going in may feel disappointed. But if their parent models resiliency, rather than anger and blame, they will move on and be fine.

NP. I agree with your points. I think it’s bizarre that any parent who has been on the DCUM college forum for any length of time would be surprised or devastated when their high stats kid gets shut out of all the T15 schools they apply to. We have the same conversations about the landscape every year, as does College Confidential, Reddit etc.

I do have more sympathy for the kids as even very aware parents cannot fully blunt the influence of striver peers at school. I was really amazed a few years ago when my DD decided to apply SCEA to a very high reach. She had gotten a perfect score on the SAT her first outing and all other stats were perfect or virtually so as well. But she was a white girl from a wealthy area with no hooks, no spectacular ECs, nothing to distinguish her from 10,000 other kids who looked just like her on paper. We told her she’d be throwing the early decision option away, and she seemed to understand, but darned if she didn’t cry when she was rejected. I think hope just runs so much stronger for people that age, and their friends tell them they have a chance because they are so smart. She was, of course, fine after a few days and ended up thrilled with the school she attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP.

I have a child who got into her dream school EA that other "higher ranked" kids at her school got deferred from...and they are openly talking about getting "yield protected" in front of her.

She is a well-qualified, high stats kid with some interesting ECs that these kids don't know about. She also reached out to professors in her area of interest and spoke to a couple of majors in the department. Did that make the difference? Did they do those things too? I have no idea. But I do know that those kids have no idea that she did those things. They just know that she is "ranked" a few slots down from them and that they feel entitled to her spot.

It makes her feel terrible but, in reality, it reflects badly on them.

I don't get how your kid could possibly feel terrible here. She got into her dream school, so what does it matter what other kids say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

Think you are out of touch. That kid is delusional and their family did them no favors. Maybe more kids need to take AP Stats. The odds are never in their favor in college admissions.

If your 17 YO kids are "dreaming of going to a particular school," then may I suggest that you, as a parent, have done them no favors in cultivating that attitude. There is no way that the kids themselves get so caught up in name-brand schools, to the point that they are "dreaming" about acceptance, except that a) their parents and b) their current private school encourages that line of thinking. That is on you for allowing that mindset to get out of control in your kids' heads.

This is easier said than done sometimes. My in laws live right next to a college campus and worked there for decades. Every time my DC sees their grandparents they’ve seen this school. This is now their dream school and they probably won’t get in. I’ve been telling them for years how hard it is to get in and have been pumping up other schools but they don’t care.

Well ya know what? That's life. Welcome to it. If your DC can't see life beyond this one college, may I suggest that s/he may not be mature enough to handle college at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

You might have tempered their disappointment now if you had been clued in and steered them all along (while making their list/visiting colleges) away from the dream school narrative.

We did. It still hurts and it’s still disappointing. What a bunch of sociopaths here.

[Anonymous]

Hear, hear, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents and students here aren’t blaming “others”. They are blaming a broken system

This. Thank you.

Really? Despite the low percentage of URM kids at some schools, I've see many claims that they are why posters' kids aren't getting in. So, yeah, that's blaming others.

Yep. If you are ''blaming the system,'' you're really just blaming it for not favoring applicants like your child any more.

+1. Those of you blaming the system are cleaely either too stupid to understand the basics of supply and demand or riding on a strong wave of gross entitlement.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.

Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student?

You might have tempered their disappointment now if you had been clued in and steered them all along (while making their list/visiting colleges) away from the dream school narrative.

We did. It still hurts and it’s still disappointing. What a bunch of sociopaths here.

And people here are generally very sympathetic to hurt and disappointed kids. It’s the denigrating “other” who are “less deserving” that’s an issue.