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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand all of the disappointment either.  Cast a wide net.  It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results.  With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy.[/quote]

Ultimately, yes.  Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance?  How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student? [/quote]

I’m very in touch. I see this and think “crappy parenting”. It’s your job help your kid take a realistic approach to college admissions. That can mean applying to the single digit admit school. But also being candid with them about their chances— without saying the the world hates rich white kids. Makes sure they know there are thousands more qualified applicants than slots and she may not get a slot.  Getting her interested and engaged in touring and applying to more realistic alternates.  You should also helping them to find schools that are less selective that they can also get excited about. So they have a solid plan B if they don’t win the lottery.  If you sat back and let your kid think they would probably get into a lottery school, that’s on you.

Plus, often the parents are more upset and angry than the kids. They see the Ivy admit as validation of all of their parenting choices and sacrifices. They put in the work and wrote the checks and now they want the bumper sticker and the name drop at parties and to feel superior to parents of kids going to “less than” schools.  But IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

A kid who is realistic going in may feel disappointed. But if their parent models resiliency, rather than anger and blame, they will move on and be fine. [/quote]
NP. I agree with your points. I think it’s bizarre that any parent who has been on the DCUM college forum for any length of time would be surprised or devastated when their high stats kid gets shut out of all the T15 schools they apply to. We have the same conversations about the landscape every year, as does College Confidential, Reddit etc.

I do have more sympathy for the kids as even very aware parents cannot fully blunt the influence of striver peers at school. I was really amazed a few years ago when my DD decided to apply SCEA to a very high reach. She had gotten a perfect score on the SAT her first outing and all other stats were perfect or virtually so as well. But she was a white girl from a wealthy area with no hooks, no spectacular ECs, nothing to distinguish her from 10,000 other kids who looked just like her on paper. We told her she’d be throwing the early decision option away, and she seemed to understand, but darned if she didn’t cry when she was rejected. I think hope just runs so much stronger for people that age, and their friends tell them they have a chance because they are so smart. She was, of course, fine after a few days and ended up thrilled with the school she attended. [/quote]

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