Please. Stop. Blaming. Others.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Yowser. Sounds like maybe she needs a new friend set? Is she by chance in a private school? Because my kid's public school friends are not like that at all. They're all rooting for one another. |
Anonymous
|
I don't understand all of the disappointment. For a few families, yeah, but not for the flurry of disappointed families that have chimed in so far. The one thing that has been a great guide for my family this year is knowing our DC. We know what DC is capable of. We've monitored DCs progress and rankings on testing since DC was in first grade. Now if DC was a 99 percentiler for the past 12 years, then perhaps an application to a top 10 would make sense. But our DC was not, and despite great grades, a very good SAT, and a fantastic application, we did not allow DC to set their sites on a list of mainly top schools. We crafted a list together of schools that made sense for who DC was - no bullshitting the scores throughout the years, no wishing to impress the neighbors or other parents with the sweatshirts or bumper stickers/magnets, no wishful thinking or dreams of grandeur. DC applied to schools in the ranking range of where DC has shown to be a solid performer for over 12 years.
Now test prep, etc., could have improved some stuff, but not to the degree where DC would have been a standout. And even if that were the case, the incredible increased competition and money behind top admissions would have made their admissions more out of reach. Let's take a top school -- let's say Yale. It only has a incoming class of about 1,200 student. Yale received about 35,000 applications for a little more than 1,000 seats last year. That's probably about 50 or so seats here in the DMV. Why would any family be terribly disappointed if their DC was not one of the 50 selected, from this sea of 1,500s/4.8 GPAs that we keep reading about here on DCUM? That's about one kid per high school here. Why would a family think their odds are so great that when a rejection comes, they are truly besides themselves? Sometimes I think this is more about ego and not being able to brag to others about DCs college choice. The odds have always been this low for several schools for many, many years, not just TO years. But somehow parents and kids presume that they can beat these odds and then get sorely disappointed when they don't. Not trying to be mean, but I just don't understand the surprise and disappointment that keeps coming across in these posts. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m really impressed with how supportive the kids have been to each other. My DC got the most rejections in the group and a few got into his dream school. The kids have been incredibly kind to each other. As a parent, I’m unhappy with the whole system but I’m happy for the other kids. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand all of the disappointment either. Cast a wide net. It's relatively random at the top, so your kid might be (pleasantly) surprised by the results. With 10-20 schools kids are applying to, most will find a college home they will be happy. |
Anonymous
Ultimately, yes. Why is it so hard for people on this board to understand that a lot of teenagers have dreamed of going to a particular school and thought they had a chance? How out of touch are you with the typical DMV high school student? |
Anonymous
|
Best post on DCUM college board this year.
Thank you. |
Anonymous
Think you are out of touch. That kid is delusional and their family did them no favors. Maybe more kids need to take AP Stats. The odds are never in their favor in college admissions. |
Anonymous
| I come from a country where only the top-scoring kids get into university. Period. Americans should be grateful their kids have literally thousands of colleges to choose from. Just because they didn’t get into a top college does not mean their lives are over. Even if it means starting out at a community college it’s better than being completely shut out like in my home country. |
Anonymous
Agreed! |
Anonymous
You might have tempered their disappointment now if you had been clued in and steered them all along (while making their list/visiting colleges) away from the dream school narrative. |
Anonymous
How would you fix the system, pray tell? The reality is that demand for the “top” schools well outstrips supply. You aren’t going to change that. What needs to happen is that everyone needs to stop thinking they have to apply to the same 50 schools. |
Anonymous
Great perspective! I hope folks pay attention to this. |
Anonymous
I’m very in touch. I see this and think “crappy parenting”. It’s your job help your kid take a realistic approach to college admissions. That can mean applying to the single digit admit school. But also being candid with them about their chances— without saying the the world hates rich white kids. Makes sure they know there are thousands more qualified applicants than slots and she may not get a slot. Getting her interested and engaged in touring and applying to more realistic alternates. You should also helping them to find schools that are less selective that they can also get excited about. So they have a solid plan B if they don’t win the lottery. If you sat back and let your kid think they would probably get into a lottery school, that’s on you. Plus, often the parents are more upset and angry than the kids. They see the Ivy admit as validation of all of their parenting choices and sacrifices. They put in the work and wrote the checks and now they want the bumper sticker and the name drop at parties and to feel superior to parents of kids going to “less than” schools. But IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. A kid who is realistic going in may feel disappointed. But if their parent models resiliency, rather than anger and blame, they will move on and be fine. |
Anonymous
| SO many good points here from the OP and others. I totally understand why kids and their families are disappointed by rejections and WL decisions. What is so depressing, and enraging, is to see so many DCUMs so determined to cast blame and even worse to villify someone else's kid. It's just awful. |
Anonymous
|
This crap was happening 25 years ago too. A lot of my classmates grumbled and whined when I got into a “lesser” Ivy that rejected them. They knew I wasn’t on any teams or in any school leadership roles like they were. What they didn’t know is I spent two summers volunteering full-time with children with terminal illnesses and won an award from the state for it. This happened to exactly match up with the major I was applying for.
You think you know the other kids’ stats and qualifications, but often you do not…so stop comparing! |