Anyone facing jealous friends now that your kids are in private school?

[Anonymous]

Someone told me this would happen a lot when people find out we go private instead of arlington public. She said to anticipate people asking why you’d do that with the free, amazing public schools. This has NEVER HAPPENED. I think you get back the attitude you put out.

[Anonymous]

If you've been boosting your public school and then turn on a dime and peace out, people will think you were being insincere the whole time. Sorry but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Not private school, but when we bought a house in a pricier neighborhood a good friend’s husband said “congratulations on being rich”

I wanted to say we spend way less money than you on eating out and travel but bit my tongue

If they resent what you choose to spend your money on that’s their problem

[Anonymous]

We are doing private for HS and I have endured some comments about it from a neighbor/close friend and a parent of a classmate of my current MS. I just let it roll off my back.

When we were applying the kept going on about how 'so and so' didn't like it there and other falsities about the school. And then making comments like well 'we are a PUBLIC school family' or that my sons would have done fine at our public HS--almost like we are neurotic or think we are too good for the local private HS.

I have really not said anything about it other than my kid loves the school and so do we when asked.

For the record, both my husband and I were public school kids as well--all the way from K-12. AND, my kids were/are public school K-8. It's not like we are condemning public schools by our choice.

I find it best to just not say anything and when they complain about the public school I don't say anything back or 'that's why we left', etc.

And, my god, we are so happy with our decision and for someone that can usually find anything to complain about--my oldest is 2 years in and we have not had a single complaint and are constantly blown away by how much we all (kid and us) love the school and the community. It was a great choice, and was my child's choice when we first raised it as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone told me this would happen a lot when people find out we go private instead of arlington public. She said to anticipate people asking why you’d do that with the free, amazing public schools. This has NEVER HAPPENED. I think you get back the attitude you put out.

Well-we are in Arlington and in our neighborhood it's about 50-50 public-private in HS. I think people are used to those making different choices for schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it[b], and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

If you're constantly running down the schools their kids attend, then yes they're probably angry with you. That doesn't mean they're jealous, it just means you're rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it[b], and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

If you're constantly running down the schools their kids attend, then yes they're probably angry with you. That doesn't mean they're jealous, it just means you're rude.

This. You really can't tell people their school isn't good! It's impolite even if true. And it's impolite for public schools too.

And bear in mind, it's normal for people to think their private school is great when they first begin there. But sometimes the bloom comes off the rose after they've experienced it for a while. You might want to moderate your remarks so you don't end up looking stupid.

[Anonymous]

NP sharing the facts of how this went down within a social group we belonged to at the time we applied to Private:

First off, just about every parent in this social group had applied to Private for their kids, including us.

Our kid was the only one in the group accepted anywhere with everyone else's kid not accepted.

Among the group the reaction was split. A few parents openly expressed that they were happy for us. A few others stated that they were " secretly relieved that their kids did not get in because, after all its a toxic place or privilege and over priced" ( these people HAD APPLIED though, despite this)

One parent seemed to get really invested in fact that our DC was admitted for 2 years afterwards she would email me outlining what I could be doing with my money if I weren't paying tuition and becoming increasingly hostile to me personally

Very, very weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP sharing the facts of how this went down within a social group we belonged to at the time we applied to Private:

First off, just about every parent in this social group had applied to Private for their kids, including us.

Our kid was the only one in the group accepted anywhere with everyone else's kid not accepted.

Among the group the reaction was split. A few parents openly expressed that they were happy for us. A few others stated that they were " secretly relieved that their kids did not get in because, after all its a toxic place or privilege and over priced" ( these people HAD APPLIED though, despite this)

One parent seemed to get really invested in fact that our DC was admitted for 2 years afterwards she would email me outlining what I could be doing with my money if I weren't paying tuition and becoming increasingly hostile to me personally

Very, very weird

Well, that's weird, but it's impossible to know how much it costs until you get your FA decision so I don't think it's unreasonable to apply to a school even if you think the sticker price is excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, they are not your tribe any longer. Accept it. Don't make it worse by assigning blame. Btw, you would seem clueless to not understand a basic fact: those neighborhood kids are your child's peers, only you're saying they're not good enough. You are seeking better. Or you are seeking a school environment better than what these have parents have chose. So that's criticism. Not spoken but it's there. Be gracious. You should never have to accept rude comments to your face but accept that the dynamic for you within the neighborhood has drastically changed. That's on you. You chose this.

Yup. You chose it. And listen, not everyone is jealous! A negative or chilly reaction does not always mean jealousy. It can mean they feel awkward because they don't think you're making the right choice for your child but are too polite to say so. It could mean they think you're wasting your money but are too polite to say so. Or maybe the subtext is that your child isn't as bright as theirs, and needs extra support, or that they think you're in denial about special needs and pretending a small class size will fix everything. Or that what you're saying is really off-putting when you think about it-- especially if you consider yourself progressive. The "All are welcome here" thing rings a little hollow at a competitive private, no?

Or they might just be disappointed because they know their own child will be sad to lose yours as a classmate.

You hit the nail on the head.

- Signed a private school parent who is now returning to mcps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in this area are competitive. No surprise there.

Are some people jealous that your kid got into a private? If its a Big 3, probably so. Having a kid at a Big 3 means your kid is a high achiever and that you can fork over almost 50k per year. Deal with it.

It means you have money. Some students admitted for ninth are high achievers, some are not. Same for admittance at sixth. Earlier and it’s even less about the student and more about the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are doing private for HS and I have endured some comments about it from a neighbor/close friend and a parent of a classmate of my current MS. I just let it roll off my back.

When we were applying the kept going on about how 'so and so' didn't like it there and other falsities about the school. And then making comments like well 'we are a PUBLIC school family' or that my sons would have done fine at our public HS--almost like we are neurotic or think we are too good for the local private HS.

I have really not said anything about it other than my kid loves the school and so do we when asked.

For the record, both my husband and I were public school kids as well--all the way from K-12. AND, my kids were/are public school K-8. It's not like we are condemning public schools by our choice.

I find it best to just not say anything and when they complain about the public school I don't say anything back or 'that's why we left', etc.

And, my god, we are so happy with our decision and for someone that can usually find anything to complain about--my oldest is 2 years in and we have not had a single complaint and are constantly blown away by how much we all (kid and us) love the school and the community. It was a great choice, and was my child's choice when we first raised it as an option.

Similar. And since then--more and more families are asking for my help on applying to privates or opened up that they are questioning keeping their kids in our public system. We live in an area where most can afford private school so I guess there is less 'keeping up with the joneses' or seeing it as a 'status' thing when it isn't at all.

[Anonymous]

Op is delusional! Make sure you keep your public school friends. Navigating play dates and hangouts with kids who live all over the dmv can be a hassle so it is nice to have your old friend group still in the mix.

[Anonymous]

The only unsupportive person has been my mother (DDs grandma) and I knew this going in. She believes private schools are all like Dead Poets Society, but I think she'll warm up once classes start and she can see for herself what a warm environment it can be. Everyone else either doesn't know or has been friendly about it. At "worst", indifferent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like OP and the Facebook PP lack emotional EQ. None of my friends are “jealous” because we don’t mention it. And when someone asks something about FCPS and we’re forced to admit we’re in private, we make it seem like it’s because DD does better in small class sizes. Which, she does, but the real reason is FCPS. I’m not going to say that though!

NP - But that kind of benign answer still isn’t enough for some people. Some people will respond with judgment, incredulity, etc., no matter how you phrase it. I told a neighborhood acquaintance because she asked me about kindergarten enrollment, and I got an incredulous “WHY?!”. I gave a generic answer about DC benefitting from a small class. Short of lying to her, I wasn’t going to get a positive or even neutral response from her in that moment.

OMG! She said why?