Brushing teeth - so sad I am crying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I know you feel that we are being condescending or unkind - but many are trying to give solid ideas and typing one handed while putting our own kids in bed or doing dishes or laundry or whatever. So take the tone with a grain of salt that not everyone comes across well on a message board, but they could still be well meaning. You are doing a fine job and it’s one slip up by your kid in a life full of them. Please don’t punish him for not doing something like this, he just needs more help and support.

Your tone is 100% kind. Thank you.
It may be someone else on here.

It’s not an issue of suggestions or tough love.

It’s that I was already doing everything I could, and someone was displaying “tough hate” instead.

Your post above is an example of normalcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make privileges like daily screens contingent on the previous days' hygiene. Brushed twice without delaying or complaining? You can have an hour of tv after school. You hid under your bed? Nope. Try again tomorrow (for the next day's screen time). Don't let him "earn" it back that same night after he already pushed or whined.

This helps. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also show him Google images of rotten teeth

Ha ha we’ve done this too.
Good suggestion.

I think he’s convinced logically. But you know how kids are irrational when they’re tired.

It’s a larger issue with routine, and that another issue we work on all the time.

Thank you very much for your kind response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change your diet:

Eat apple slices after meals. It helps clean your teeth and prevent cavities. Obviously, no sweets or juice for the foreseeable future.

PP, earlier. I also have issues with kids brushing. Our pediatric dentist told me recently she is less concerned about candy and juice. If brushing is occurring, she’s not worried.
She is worried about snacks that are mushy like goldfish, animal crackers. You know the kids carby crackers and cookies. The mushiness, and the frequency of eating those in between meals, all day. She finds those concerning for children’s teeth. I had never heard that, but it makes sense. Those goldfish molars are gross.

#themoreyouknow

[Anonymous]

Op, you are fine to be sad and frustrated. Therapy is not needed, girl. Or if it is, no one on here can identify that need for you. Sadness is a normal emotion when dealing with behaviors that you just aren’t sure how to handle.

It sounds challenging to be trying a lot of stuff, and “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” For their own good!

Keep at it! It must be a phase. Keep trying. Don’t give up. Over time, he will have peer help to ensure brushing too. You can do this. You can be sad on hard days. Don’t let anyone tell you to suppress feelings — for what reason? I cannot tell.

[Anonymous]

Did I miss it?

Did op ever reveal WHY her kid won't brush teeth? I'm betting it hurts the kids bc there's gingivitis/sensitive gums or a wiggly tooth that's sore or there's the onset of a cavity. Hence the kid's refusal to even try.

Can you at least get him to swish around mouth wash? They make kid friendly types (with kid friendly flavors). At least that's something.

[Anonymous]

I only brushed my teeth with water and only at night, up until I was almost 14. I've never had a cavity and do have a sweet tooth.

What changed it for me was the summer I was 13, went to a camp with a counselor who was vigilant about brushing her teeth - she brushed after every meal, kept toothpaste and brush in her fanny pack, etc. I didn't like her as a counselor, but that one thing rubbed off on me. Thanks Kerri!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your dentist say about your 7 year old brushing his own teeth? Mine said we should allow them to do the first minute and we do the second to ensure it gets done properly. So I brush DC’s teeth twice a day - before I leave for work and before bed. I would do that for the foreseeable future.

How do you physically make it happen for a child who is (currently) hiding under covers? Because he knows I am sitting here with a ready toothbrush.

I love your advice. I’m not disregarding. It’s an excellent piece of advice. I do need help beyond that.

It is obviously larger than brushing.

We use the ipad as a bribe. No pajamas and toothbrush before bed, no ipad the following day. It works as a great motivator for both my NT and ASD kid. Not as well for the ASD kid, but much better than stuff with “delayed gratification” like chore charts.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm really not trying to be rude, but is it possible you have ADHD? I do, and I often find myself in this sort of situation, where I've forgotten to monitor the kids doing something that they really should do, and then I get upset and blame them while blaming myself also.

Otherwise, I'm having trouble understanding how you go so far without knowing he wasn't brushing. At that age, a chart won't really work for an undesired task for most kids -- you need to just make it part of the regular routine that you supervise, up to bed before he gets too tired for jammies and teeth brushing, then he can settle in for books, TV, music or whatever the evening routines are. If you want to use a chart, you can check it off together. We had a rule that time spent delaying the teeth brushing/dressing meant less time for stories or whatever else, because we had a hard stop of the book time. SOme kids find it helpful to have a visual or mental cue about how longs it's going to take -- one of those little timers, or a song you sing while they brush, so that they know that they are half-way done, almost done, etc. I often need that when I'm doing something that is boring or irritating to me.

If it's a real sensory issue, I agree with PP about letting them watch TV while you do it -- that's what dentists do, and what I had to do with my sensory-averse kids with hair brushing. I think right now you are in a jam because it's not routine---once it becomes a regular routine, the struggle evaporates. I think I read somewhere that it takes something like 2 weeks of repeating a routine before it is engrained as habit.

Also, on the chart -- most of the postiive behavioral expert stress that charts can't be too long term for the rewards. If you went several days or a week without checking the chart, that's a sign that the time frame on it was too long for a 7 year old. He needs a reward that comes much more quickly. or the incentive is just not there. Some kids also are just not that motivated by incentives. That's true for adults too - not every adult is willing to work extra hours for more pay, some are like "nah, I'm good....". Other kids will work their butt off just for a meaningless gold star sticker. That's pretty hard-wired, but it means that if you kid is not a gold-star-seeker, charts and such may not work very easily with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss it?

Did op ever reveal WHY her kid won't brush teeth? I'm betting it hurts the kids bc there's gingivitis/sensitive gums or a wiggly tooth that's sore or there's the onset of a cavity. Hence the kid's refusal to even try.

Can you at least get him to swish around mouth wash? They make kid friendly types (with kid friendly flavors). At least that's something.

This is what came to mind for me as well.OP did you, very calmly, ask him why he has not brushed? Does it hurt somewhere? That is where I would start the conversation. Then ask if it hurts when he eats or drinks. Depending on the answer you may need to schedule an emergency dental appointment. If that’s not the issue, definitely bribery and withholding luxuries because this is non negotiable.Finally, yes you have to hold him down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss it?

Did op ever reveal WHY her kid won't brush teeth? I'm betting it hurts the kids bc there's gingivitis/sensitive gums or a wiggly tooth that's sore or there's the onset of a cavity. Hence the kid's refusal to even try.

Can you at least get him to swish around mouth wash? They make kid friendly types (with kid friendly flavors). At least that's something.

Op here, he won’t open up about why. So, there is either no particular reason. Just tired and doesn’t feel like it and all the incentives in the world won’t make him feel differently. Or, yes, I am aware he has one wiggly tooth. It could be that.

I wish he would tell me. I tell him kindly that I am all ears. He used to like that phrase, but he is changing from a super sweet 6yo into and 8yo later this year. Time flies!

Tonight he eventually did it. I sat with him and we both relaxed, and I just asked him one more time in a calm voice. He did it

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only brushed my teeth with water and only at night, up until I was almost 14. I've never had a cavity and do have a sweet tooth.

What changed it for me was the summer I was 13, went to a camp with a counselor who was vigilant about brushing her teeth - she brushed after every meal, kept toothpaste and brush in her fanny pack, etc. I didn't like her as a counselor, but that one thing rubbed off on me. Thanks Kerri!

I like that story. I was influenced that way at the same age. I love how you remember that counselor for that!

Because my kids already have cavities with some work done, and more scheduled this spring. .. we have to work pretty hard.

[Anonymous]

Op here, we do the chart together. Clarifying for 1-2 posters.

I / We had things going on last week out of my usual nightly routine.

I review for payment on Monday mornings. After he went to school, I checked. Woah. I was surprised.

Please, don’t ‘misunderstand’ again. He is not expected to handle brushing nor a chart by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, we do the chart together. Clarifying for 1-2 posters.

I / We had things going on last week out of my usual nightly routine.

I review for payment on Monday mornings. After he went to school, I checked. Woah. I was surprised.

Please, don’t ‘misunderstand’ again. He is not expected to handle brushing nor a chart by himself.

Hey I get it OP. Our family has weeks where we intend to eat X amt of veggies. And we’re like Whoops. Even on something we intended to do.
Soccer practice, friends over, mom tired, mom out with friends, story time went over and you forgot, kid is evading and you don’t realize.

Someone on here is obtuse. Because their kid is easier?

They remind of the people who are like “MY kid never hits.” And then their 2nd kid comes along and shows them how easy and well-behaved their first was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss it?

Did op ever reveal WHY her kid won't brush teeth? I'm betting it hurts the kids bc there's gingivitis/sensitive gums or a wiggly tooth that's sore or there's the onset of a cavity. Hence the kid's refusal to even try.

Can you at least get him to swish around mouth wash? They make kid friendly types (with kid friendly flavors). At least that's something.

Op here, he won’t open up about why. So, there is either no particular reason. Just tired and doesn’t feel like it and all the incentives in the world won’t make him feel differently. Or, yes, I am aware he has one wiggly tooth. It could be that.

I wish he would tell me. I tell him kindly that I am all ears. He used to like that phrase, but he is changing from a super sweet 6yo into and 8yo later this year. Time flies!

Tonight he eventually did it. I sat with him and we both relaxed, and I just asked him one more time in a calm voice. He did it

Thank you.

My DD went through a refusing to brush phase when she was 7. She never really had a great reason...just didn't want to do it. She argued it was a waste of time, since she'd just have to do it again later. Nothing particularly worked, although she was absolutely not allowed to do anything that brushing was a precursor to. So no meals, no going to school, etc. We were able to manage this since I WFH so if she actually decided to miss school (she never did) it would have been manageable. There were several times where it was an hours-long stand-off...but she eventually grew out of it. I think it's developmentally a normal phase of trying to assert independence.

We also bought both kids quip toothbrushes, which helps with getting them to brush long enough.