Brushing teeth - so sad I am crying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason? Would an electric toothbrush, better tasting toothpaste with sparkles, swishing with fluoride mouthwash, or using a waterpik type device help?

^ great ideas here. A new toothpaste flavor or mouthwash, fun toothbrush - maybe the chart and rewards just need to be changed up to something your child connects with more.

He also sounds tired and maybe a little scared by your reaction. I would recommend taking a step back and lowering expectations. Don’t set him up to fail by asking him to do it himself, remember and check it off on a chart - that sounds like a lot for this age. They need reminders, someone to stand with them while they do it, and preferably before they get too cranky and tired at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason? Would an electric toothbrush, better tasting toothpaste with sparkles, swishing with fluoride mouthwash, or using a waterpik type device help?

^ great ideas here. A new toothpaste flavor or mouthwash, fun toothbrush - maybe the chart and rewards just need to be changed up to something your child connects with more.

He also sounds tired and maybe a little scared by your reaction. I would recommend taking a step back and lowering expectations. Don’t set him up to fail by asking him to do it himself, remember and check it off on a chart - that sounds like a lot for this age. They need reminders, someone to stand with them while they do it, and preferably before they get too cranky and tired at night.

Ya, yes normally doing all those things.

We are having issues larger with bedtime and morning routine.

You guys, I’ll await some help from someone who
1) YES, does the bedtime routine together with their child (I do)
2) YES, calls it a non-negotiable
3) has been alone for bedtime, can’t restrain (only really an issue tonight)
4) isn’t always f$$&cking on top of things and brags about it to a very sad person on dcum.


Please give real feedback. Not condescension.

[Anonymous]

I think a predisposition for cavities is largely genetic. My kids have been terrible about teeth brushing and only 1 out of 4 has had a cavity. Be kind to yourself. Eventually your kids will brush their teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your dentist say about your 7 year old brushing his own teeth? Mine said we should allow them to do the first minute and we do the second to ensure it gets done properly. So I brush DC’s teeth twice a day - before I leave for work and before bed. I would do that for the foreseeable future.

How do you physically make it happen for a child who is (currently) hiding under covers? Because he knows I am sitting here with a ready toothbrush.

I love your advice. I’m not disregarding. It’s an excellent piece of advice. I do need help beyond that.

It is obviously larger than brushing.

Does he have a favorite show? Or something he’s not allowed to watch often (some hilarious YouTube video of people doing stupid tricks, etc). Play it while you brush. He’s only allowed to watch that fun thing during teeth brushing

[Anonymous]

Not all of you have been rude.

Some of you have been kind.

Some feedback so far sounds like “DUH” and it’s not helping my emotions now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What?! I’m sorry to say but at this point you have to force him to do it. We are very strict about tooth brushing I guess but I put the toothpaste on their brushes for them and watch my kids brush their teeth every morning and evening. They have electric toothbrushes that make a noise after 30 seconds and that is their signal they’ve brushed long enough. I guess I don’t know how you got to this point bc it would never occur to me to just assume my young kid is brushing and not actually witness it myself. I let my kids have freedom in other areas of their lives but when it comes to health, safety, hygiene, I’m still helicopter-y. I hope you can regain control of this situation. Don’t be sad about it just take charge and change the way you approach it,

Stop with the “What?!” You are so rude.

I do their bedtime. Last week was super busy. Husband put them to bed alone two nights. He is more hands off and figured the 7yo HAS been doing at least once daily on his own. I guess he was overwhelmed doing bedtime alone and forgot? Kid was sick last week too. I think one night he fell asleep before real bedtime.

Stop your condescension though.

I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m honestly baffled. I understand people do things differently but your “system” of just trusting a 7 year old to brush his own teeth w no accountability to you that he actually did it just doesn’t make sense to me.

Sorry you found it condescending. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m no perfect parent by any means I was just honestly shocked reading that your kid hasn’t brushed his teeth in a week as it is a foreign idea to me that people would trust their 7 year old to do this on his own. I would never expect my 7 year old to handle that big of a responsibility on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a predisposition for cavities is largely genetic. My kids have been terrible about teeth brushing and only 1 out of 4 has had a cavity. Be kind to yourself. Eventually your kids will brush their teeth.

Thank you. I am not the tone police, but THiS was very very kind in tone. What I need right now

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

**he is brushing his teeth**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need help.
I’ve done everything I can to get my 7yo to brush his teeth.

He actually hasn’t done it since last Tuesday.

I’m so sad. So so so sad right now.

I can’t even list all of the things I have done to encourage it. Maybe can get into it later. But, just assume I have done.

My husband has a meeting late tonight so even if I wanted to just call it, and hold him down, it would have to wait until tomorrow.

HELP

You can’t give that big of a responsibility to a 7 year old. It’s like asking him to make sure he prepares and eats his vegetables everyday without your supervision or help/guidance. OF COURSE he’s not going to want to do it! And if all he is supposed to do is mark it on a chart, he doesn’t really *have* to do it. So hell skip it. You need to either brush his teeth for him or stand there and supervise while he does it. Relying on him to do it and mark a chart is way too much responsibility for a typical 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

OP I know you feel that we are being condescending or unkind - but many are trying to give solid ideas and typing one handed while putting our own kids in bed or doing dishes or laundry or whatever. So take the tone with a grain of salt that not everyone comes across well on a message board, but they could still be well meaning. You are doing a fine job and it’s one slip up by your kid in a life full of them. Please don’t punish him for not doing something like this, he just needs more help and support.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP you sound like the problem in this equation. There are certain things that are non negotiable in my house. Also, my son who is autistic needed help with brushing his teeth until probably 9.

You tell him to get his ass in the bathroom and open his mouth. Period! End of discussion.

[Anonymous]

Op here.
I’m going to say it one more time.
I am with them every single night to brush teeth. I have 3 kids. The chart, we do together.
LAST week only, I was not present at bedtime. He either fell asleep early. Or maybe I was lax one night. Husband helped two nights (not sure if they just didn’t check it).
All together, that much time got missed.

Comments like “why aren’t you with him every night?” Hardly ring true.

In addition, I was here tonight. Right there with him. He resisted. He is strong and fights hard. Ripping covers off not as possible as when he was 5. Again, he is now past physically holding down by myself.

***he has brushed his teeth tonight**

He was very tired. I checked it off myself and gave him a kiss, on the forehead which he loves. And told him I was proud of him.

One or two people above mischaracterized my problem.

When I called them out (it’s not personal at first), they did not open their ears to listen.

Yet AGAIN, I remember why I left this site. And only come on here every 6 months or so.

Lady, or whoever you are, I’m not sure. You are more toxic than you can see. I am a kind person. And I WAS here for assistance. Please, never work for a telephone help line or a volunteership that requires empathy.

I love myself and my family. Im very sorry for you that you didn’t listen to me and made assumptions. I’m very sorry that you need to do that to feel better about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I know you feel that we are being condescending or unkind - but many are trying to give solid ideas and typing one handed while putting our own kids in bed or doing dishes or laundry or whatever. So take the tone with a grain of salt that not everyone comes across well on a message board, but they could still be well meaning. You are doing a fine job and it’s one slip up by your kid in a life full of them. Please don’t punish him for not doing something like this, he just needs more help and support.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I would make privileges like daily screens contingent on the previous days' hygiene. Brushed twice without delaying or complaining? You can have an hour of tv after school. You hid under your bed? Nope. Try again tomorrow (for the next day's screen time). Don't let him "earn" it back that same night after he already pushed or whined.

[Anonymous]

I would also show him Google images of rotten teeth