Brushing teeth - so sad I am crying

[Anonymous]

We have a 9 yr old ADHD girl and after cavities we decided we would do most of it for another year. Much more to the story but anyway. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you crying? I’m sorry I don’t understand.

All 3 of my kids have visible cavities. It’s a bigger story.

The last two months we worked hard to get our brushing back on habit.

I’m just very concerned for him. I’m emphasizing brushing because I care. I don’t want him to suffer. He has a very hard time trusting the dentist. It’s just making it harder, and worse.

He got his first perm teeth last year, so for me the stakes feel higher.

Get dental sealants on the permanent molars. Money well-spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you crying? I’m sorry I don’t understand.

All 3 of my kids have visible cavities. It’s a bigger story.

The last two months we worked hard to get our brushing back on habit.

I’m just very concerned for him. I’m emphasizing brushing because I care. I don’t want him to suffer. He has a very hard time trusting the dentist. It’s just making it harder, and worse.

He got his first perm teeth last year, so for me the stakes feel higher.

Get dental sealants on the permanent molars. Money well-spent.

Most cavities are between teeth and this does nothing for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids wouldn’t be able to eat any sweets and probably no screen time or friends until teeth brushed.

This. And one friend telling him he has stinky breath will shape him up fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stand behind the kid and just wrap one arm around the kid (like a hug, but with the benefit of restraining his arms) and brush with the other hand while giving a math word problem (that distracts my kid who likes word problems). Yeah, it sucks but it's over fast. My philosophy is that if you don't like having your teeth brushed then you can brush them yourself! Brushing isn't negotiable.

Yup. I had cavities as a kid and am a toothbrushing Nazi as a mom. Always have been. Won’t let their teeth be neglected or unsupervised like mine were and I needed so many fillings in elementary school. One of the few things my parents did wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids wouldn’t be able to eat any sweets and probably no screen time or friends until teeth brushed.

This. And one friend telling him he has stinky breath will shape him up fast.

Call me crazy but I would probably try to orchestrate this. I think it would be effective for my DS at least. I could see some kids not caring.

Also drag him into the dentist and ask them ahead of time to lean in on your DS a little. My DS wasn't brushing well enough and the hygienist showed him pictures of the build up and scolded him (and me) for not doing a good enough job. When I check on his brushing now, I ask if the hygienist is going to be disappointed at the next visit. Apparently her opinion matters much more than mine.

[Anonymous]

Why are you crying? Brush his teeth yourself, since he's delinquent in that area. I've had to do that numerous times with my daughter, and she's older than your son!

A lot of kids are like that. You need to get it together and be more vigilant. It's tiring, and there will be times when you won't be able to do it, but that's parenting for you. Sometimes you need to be the police.

[Anonymous]

OP, every kid has their problem areas. The hard part is to not turn it into a power struggle. You want to work on changing one habit at a time, so for now focus on the teeth brushing. You've gotten some good ideas here about reinforcing the habit.

What we've done: We switched to electric at age 7, which work better at cleaning, is more fun, and we made a big show of it and they were excited about them. We also started a bedtime show, which may or may not work for your family. But the show is contingent on everyone getting ready for bed, without excessive goofing off, whining or procrastinating, pjs on, teeth clean and brushed, and bodies showered by a certain time. It also gives us parents a little relax break at the end of the day before bed.

Celebrate and reward after a week of continuous brushing without excessive reminders. If you are forgetful and busy like me, charts are great in theory, but they don't always work. You can say that you are keeping a mental chart in your head. Or if you have a child like me who is an obsessive planner, have them make their own chart and fill it out every time they brush their teeth, with a clear reward for making it to X number of days of twice daily brushing without extra reminders or whining or fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, every kid has their problem areas. The hard part is to not turn it into a power struggle. You want to work on changing one habit at a time, so for now focus on the teeth brushing. You've gotten some good ideas here about reinforcing the habit.

What we've done: We switched to electric at age 7, which work better at cleaning, is more fun, and we made a big show of it and they were excited about them. We also started a bedtime show, which may or may not work for your family. But the show is contingent on everyone getting ready for bed, without excessive goofing off, whining or procrastinating, pjs on, teeth clean and brushed, and bodies showered by a certain time. It also gives us parents a little relax break at the end of the day before bed.

Celebrate and reward after a week of continuous brushing without excessive reminders. If you are forgetful and busy like me, charts are great in theory, but they don't always work. You can say that you are keeping a mental chart in your head. Or if you have a child like me who is an obsessive planner, have them make their own chart and fill it out every time they brush their teeth, with a clear reward for making it to X number of days of twice daily brushing without extra reminders or whining or fighting.

A 7 year old not brushing is not a problem. OP has to make him brush. He is only 7. The strategies you listed are very helpful.

However, OP has to understand that reluctance to brushing is normal behavior for a 7 year old. She should cry that she and her husband were too tired to supervise brushing. Crying over a 7 year old not brushihng is being too dramatic. I hope OP does not do that in front of the 7 year old. It's stressful to a child when parents make a big deal out of normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

We use an electric toothbrush with an app. Since DD was 7 (now 8) we’ve brushed her teeth at night and monitored her brushing it herself in the AM.

When she was younger we’d let her watch a funny YouTube video or google pictures of things she wanted to see as a reward for brushing.

The AM brushing is with a manual toothbrush. She loves cool toothbrushes so we buy the ones that light up or have characters she’s into. Also, get a mouthwash.

Think of ways to make the process less stressful for both of you. Provide incentives for brushing and also clear consequences for failing to brush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, every kid has their problem areas. The hard part is to not turn it into a power struggle. You want to work on changing one habit at a time, so for now focus on the teeth brushing. You've gotten some good ideas here about reinforcing the habit.

What we've done: We switched to electric at age 7, which work better at cleaning, is more fun, and we made a big show of it and they were excited about them. We also started a bedtime show, which may or may not work for your family. But the show is contingent on everyone getting ready for bed, without excessive goofing off, whining or procrastinating, pjs on, teeth clean and brushed, and bodies showered by a certain time. It also gives us parents a little relax break at the end of the day before bed.

Celebrate and reward after a week of continuous brushing without excessive reminders. If you are forgetful and busy like me, charts are great in theory, but they don't always work. You can say that you are keeping a mental chart in your head. Or if you have a child like me who is an obsessive planner, have them make their own chart and fill it out every time they brush their teeth, with a clear reward for making it to X number of days of twice daily brushing without extra reminders or whining or fighting.

This is key for our family. We moved the entire evening routine earlier so that kids won't be overtired and these not fun tasks won't be such a power struggle. We don't always do a bedtime show - sometimes it's reading a book together or playing a quick game - but this quality time feels like a treat to them every time and it's great for our family dynamic. Win, win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stand behind the kid and just wrap one arm around the kid (like a hug, but with the benefit of restraining his arms) and brush with the other hand while giving a math word problem (that distracts my kid who likes word problems). Yeah, it sucks but it's over fast. My philosophy is that if you don't like having your teeth brushed then you can brush them yourself! Brushing isn't negotiable.

You do this with a 7 year old? How long do you think you are going to be able to physically restrain him?

[Anonymous]

OP you are getting too defensive but that tracks with you "crying" about your kid not brushing. You seem like a super sensitive parent and holy cow, you need a thicker skin.

[Anonymous]

Stop fighting with him and start taking away privileges. You have to figure out what his currency is- cool clothes? Video games? Playing with friends? My sister had a similar issue with one of her kids. He came home one day to find every single thing in his entire room was bagged up in trash bags and he had to earn them back. He only only had his bed and dresser (empty). It really turned everything around. For once, the kid knew that mom meant business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you crying? I’m sorry I don’t understand.

Jeff, don’t remove this one. One of the first responses. Yikes!

I think it needs to stand to show others your intent here.

“Why are you crying?” Someone explain human emotions to this psychopath.

NP. This person is not a psychopath my goodness. You are very, very sensitive. To me they seem like they are asking for more information because they are confused.