Depressed about having a baby post 35

[Anonymous]

Take each day one day at a time. I had kids in late twenties and then kids in early forties (unexpected, but abortion was not on the table).

While it's not easy, what makes it difficult is not the age. The pandemic has had more impacts than anything, as services in hospitals are generally overwhelmed.

I think that due to my generally healthy lifestyle (no drinking, drugs, severe obesity) complications post 35 were minimal. It was more of a hassle jumping over the mental social stuff society would impose upon you.

Must take a personal inventory of who you are and your own personal journey with raising a child. The age factor is but a number. One could make assumptions, but no one is promised tomorrow.

You'll be fine, just take care of yourself. Best advice you'll get on this page. Health, therapy, exercise, it all matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know 2 women who had perfect babies at age 50. Your fertility, luck, chances, health doesn’t precipitously drop off as soon as you turn age 35. Changes and probabilities alter over years. Don’t just look at one number—age.

Not sound advice to go by 2 women you know having babies at inappropriate age of 50. Just because something can be done, does not mean it should and I doubt your story.

[Anonymous]

I know many post 35 moms with healthy kids, including me. Easy peasy. I will say the difficulty comes at the other end when you are pushing 60 and want to retire.

[Anonymous]

Only child born at 38 due to infertility. Can't imagine it any other way, and keeps us young. And yes to what other pp's have said: he was the child we were waiting for, him exactly. Life is exactly how it should be for us.

[Anonymous]

I suffered for years with infertility before having my daughter at age 37. She is the biggest blessing in my life. I can't imagine it any other way. Most of her friends moms are the same age, some older. She's keeping young too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

Let’s all promote having babies at nearly 43! An even better idea if you already have children!

Lets promote not being bitter and being supportive or at least, non-judgmental about other people's family planning decisions. I had a child in my early 30s and one at 42. I am very healthy and financially well off and love my husband and my kids. Would I tell someone to do it if they didn't have my situation, could not hire a ton of help, didn't have super involved friends and family, a great house, happiness, etc.? No, but those are the factors that I weighed. Luckily, I don't want or need your validation. Maybe keep your snarky thoughts to yourself?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would really recommend staying off DCUM while you work through this, at least the threads about mother/childhood. The concern trolling you'll see on here about kids born to women over 30 is nuts and in no way representative of real life. (And yes, DCUM also goes the other way with faux shock over women who had babies in their *gasp* 20s! It's just generally a cesspool.)

Biologically speaking your chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy and baby are still very, very high at 35. When you hear about "increased percentages" of birth defects in children whose parents are older, remember that those are only small increased percentages of what are already very small numbers. (And birth defects are certainly not unknown in kids of younger parents either; age is no guarantee either way.) I mean look around you: do you see the schools around here full of weird Picasso-painting looking kids who can barely function being carried in the laps of decrepit parents in electric wheelchairs who are going to be dead before their kid hits junior high? Of course not. A huge number of kids are born to parents over 35 around here - yes, even to parents in their 40s and older - and by any measure the vast, vast majority of all parties involved are healthy and happy in their lives.

Good luck to you! Just let the age stuff go; you can't change where you are. I hope you have an easy time getting pregnant, a smooth pregnancy, and a happy healthy baby. The odds are definitely with you, promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly if you are “very depressed” by this then you should be headed to a therapist, not the bedroom.

+1 Don’t have a baby if you are going to focus on this to the detriment of your joy and excitement. As PP said, you don’t have a time machine and focusing on the negative *does not benefit you in any way*. It’s just such a profound waste of your energy. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would really recommend staying off DCUM while you work through this, at least the threads about mother/childhood. The concern trolling you'll see on here about kids born to women over 30 is nuts and in no way representative of real life. (And yes, DCUM also goes the other way with faux shock over women who had babies in their *gasp* 20s! It's just generally a cesspool.)

Biologically speaking your chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy and baby are still very, very high at 35. When you hear about "increased percentages" of birth defects in children whose parents are older, remember that those are only small increased percentages of what are already very small numbers. (And birth defects are certainly not unknown in kids of younger parents either; age is no guarantee either way.) I mean look around you: do you see the schools around here full of weird Picasso-painting looking kids who can barely function being carried in the laps of decrepit parents in electric wheelchairs who are going to be dead before their kid hits junior high? Of course not. A huge number of kids are born to parents over 35 around here - yes, even to parents in their 40s and older - and by any measure the vast, vast majority of all parties involved are healthy and happy in their lives.

Good luck to you! Just let the age stuff go; you can't change where you are. I hope you have an easy time getting pregnant, a smooth pregnancy, and a happy healthy baby. The odds are definitely with you, promise.

Age is definitely a factor and certainly an acute concern that obs have with their care in such patients. They do not dismiss age and a 32 having a baby is distinct situation from a 42 year old having a baby. Whether it turns out ok or whether or not or whether you like it or not, moms have much, much more risks of having a baby with defects and miscarriage.Because you don’t see many of these babies or hear of miscarriages,
doesn’t mean its few and far between. I do see it. The underlying messages purporting that a 40 plus woman bearing a child is medically comparable to a 20-mid 30’s woman is misinformation. Medical authorities do not dismiss this as much as the woman on this forum who say it’s “easy peasy” and that it’s homogenous among different ages in decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

Let’s all promote having babies at nearly 43! An even better idea if you already have children!

Lets promote not being bitter and being supportive or at least, non-judgmental about other people's family planning decisions. I had a child in my early 30s and one at 42. I am very healthy and financially well off and love my husband and my kids. Would I tell someone to do it if they didn't have my situation, could not hire a ton of help, didn't have super involved friends and family, a great house, happiness, etc.? No, but those are the factors that I weighed. Luckily, I don't want or need your validation. Maybe keep your snarky thoughts to yourself?

You need the validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

Let’s all promote having babies at nearly 43! An even better idea if you already have children!

Lets promote not being bitter and being supportive or at least, non-judgmental about other people's family planning decisions. I had a child in my early 30s and one at 42. I am very healthy and financially well off and love my husband and my kids. Would I tell someone to do it if they didn't have my situation, could not hire a ton of help, didn't have super involved friends and family, a great house, happiness, etc.? No, but those are the factors that I weighed. Luckily, I don't want or need your validation. Maybe keep your snarky thoughts to yourself?

You need the validation.

Sure, that’s it. It’s not at all that you’re a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

Let’s all promote having babies at nearly 43! An even better idea if you already have children!

Lets promote not being bitter and being supportive or at least, non-judgmental about other people's family planning decisions. I had a child in my early 30s and one at 42. I am very healthy and financially well off and love my husband and my kids. Would I tell someone to do it if they didn't have my situation, could not hire a ton of help, didn't have super involved friends and family, a great house, happiness, etc.? No, but those are the factors that I weighed. Luckily, I don't want or need your validation. Maybe keep your snarky thoughts to yourself?

You need the validation.

Sure, that’s it. It’s not at all that you’re a jerk. [/quot

I give you props for your persistence in getting that validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

Let’s all promote having babies at nearly 43! An even better idea if you already have children!

Lets promote not being bitter and being supportive or at least, non-judgmental about other people's family planning decisions. I had a child in my early 30s and one at 42. I am very healthy and financially well off and love my husband and my kids. Would I tell someone to do it if they didn't have my situation, could not hire a ton of help, didn't have super involved friends and family, a great house, happiness, etc.? No, but those are the factors that I weighed. Luckily, I don't want or need your validation. Maybe keep your snarky thoughts to yourself?

You need the validation.

Sure, that’s it. It’s not at all that you’re a jerk. [/quot

I give you props for your persistence in getting that validation.

What are you on about? How would getting insulted by you be validating? How would posting on an anonymous forum be validating? You don't make any sense, and you just sound like a big old negative Nancy. Go spread some more of that cheer around. I am actually postpartum - are you? Or just trolling around on here looking for some pregnant or recent moms to attack? Sounds healthy. Good thing you had your kids young so you could put all your time to constructive use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Some things don't go according to plan and it sucks. You're automatically considered high risk and the treatment is different. But having a healthy baby in arm is worth it.

This is not true. I wasn’t even considered big risk at 41. I did get some extra monitoring in the 3rd tri, and induced at 39 weeks based on OB recommendations, but that was a very conservative practice concerned about specific age related risks. It was not a high risk pregnancy.

And none of that was done with my first pregnancy at 38.

You may be unaware of it, but you were considered a big risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Some things don't go according to plan and it sucks. You're automatically considered high risk and the treatment is different. But having a healthy baby in arm is worth it.

This is not true. I wasn’t even considered big risk at 41. I did get some extra monitoring in the 3rd tri, and induced at 39 weeks based on OB recommendations, but that was a very conservative practice concerned about specific age related risks. It was not a high risk pregnancy.

And none of that was done with my first pregnancy at 38.

You may be unaware of it, but you were considered a big risk.

Massive eye roll. Please. A "big risk". You get extra monitoring and genetic testing. Teens with substance abuse are also a big risk. Multiples are a big risk. Obese people are a big risk. Its all relative.