Depressed about having a baby post 35

[Anonymous]

Agree OP should have taken things into her own hands and seen a sperm donor bank when she wanted to procreate. No need in 2022 to wait for a partner who is not ready. Go for it on your own. Women cannot wait forever if they want to give birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree OP should have taken things into her own hands and seen a sperm donor bank when she wanted to procreate. No need in 2022 to wait for a partner who is not ready. Go for it on your own. Women cannot wait forever if they want to give birth.

You are all absolutely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this makes you "very depressed" you better buckle up and make sure you are actually ready. Having a kid, while wonderful, is no cake walk.

This is a very accurate reality check. I’d recommend finding a therapist and establishing a relationship now. I’m a naturally anxious and depressed person and since the moment we decided to try ive struggled with various things. I’m so thankful for my weekly therapy sessions (and meds).

[Anonymous]

OP we started TLC after my 42 nd bday. conceived naturally in a few months and we now have an adorable toddler.
yes there are heightened risks with age but it is not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree OP should have taken things into her own hands and seen a sperm donor bank when she wanted to procreate. No need in 2022 to wait for a partner who is not ready. Go for it on your own. Women cannot wait forever if they want to give birth.

So, many children would not choose to have single mothers, given that’s an apparent concern on this thread. Solo parenting is hard. Expensive. Meeting someone after is hard. Hard to start a family. Why isn’t it understandable that some would want to avoid that? Or want a partner? Would it seriously be better to not give your child that? To avoid waiting three years? Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have time to read all 10 pages, but I was in your shoes too OP. I felt a bit of dread as my 35th birthday approached and I wasn't pregnant yet.
I had gone off the birth control pill around 33 but didn't realize that it had messed up my natural cycles and that it would take a while to recover from prolonged use. I had no periods for 6 months, followed by super-irregular cycles for another 6 months. Got the full fertility workup which found nothing wrong with either of us. Found myself pregnant soon after (still age 34) but miscarried. I rememberr feeling worried right around my 35th birthday, because we keep hearing that 35 is the start of the decline in fertility. But it isn't a steep cliff, it's a gentle decline, though obviously there are lots of factors in each female body that can change things.

In my case, having the miscarriage miraculously reset my cycles, and I conceived easily the month after turning 35 and again at age 38 (seemingly without trying the second time). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'll be 46 tomorrow and currently 8 months pregnant as a FTM. I won't lie, it's not easy and not how I ever imagined having children. In my late 30's I seriously considered being a single parent, but it just never felt right, so I didn't give it a go alone. I got married at 43 and my husband and I started TTC through fertility treatments as soon as we got engaged. As someone who overthinks everything, I've thought of all the pros/cons of being an older parent and the risks associated with it for me, for a child of an older parent, and in the end, my husband and I decided to move ahead. We understand that it's not ideal, but we feel like we've got a lot to give as parents and will make sure we do everything possible to give our kid a good life. I'm considered high risk and it requires extra testing, extra visits with MFM and OBs, but this it the path we decided to go down and we understood it when we did. I've tried not to be depressed about it but rather look at it as how fortunate we are to even have the opportunity at this point. And I pray every day that I deliver a healthy baby in a few weeks. If I could redo my life, sure, I'd put less focus on my career and more on trying to start a family earlier, but I don't have a magic time machine so I'm trying to make the most of what I can at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be 46 tomorrow and currently 8 months pregnant as a FTM. I won't lie, it's not easy and not how I ever imagined having children. In my late 30's I seriously considered being a single parent, but it just never felt right, so I didn't give it a go alone. I got married at 43 and my husband and I started TTC through fertility treatments as soon as we got engaged. As someone who overthinks everything, I've thought of all the pros/cons of being an older parent and the risks associated with it for me, for a child of an older parent, and in the end, my husband and I decided to move ahead. We understand that it's not ideal, but we feel like we've got a lot to give as parents and will make sure we do everything possible to give our kid a good life. I'm considered high risk and it requires extra testing, extra visits with MFM and OBs, but this it the path we decided to go down and we understood it when we did. I've tried not to be depressed about it but rather look at it as how fortunate we are to even have the opportunity at this point. And I pray every day that I deliver a healthy baby in a few weeks. If I could redo my life, sure, I'd put less focus on my career and more on trying to start a family earlier, but I don't have a magic time machine so I'm trying to make the most of what I can at this point.

Not the OP but I love this. Congrats and all the best with your soon to be bundle of pure joy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be 46 tomorrow and currently 8 months pregnant as a FTM. I won't lie, it's not easy and not how I ever imagined having children. In my late 30's I seriously considered being a single parent, but it just never felt right, so I didn't give it a go alone. I got married at 43 and my husband and I started TTC through fertility treatments as soon as we got engaged. As someone who overthinks everything, I've thought of all the pros/cons of being an older parent and the risks associated with it for me, for a child of an older parent, and in the end, my husband and I decided to move ahead. We understand that it's not ideal, but we feel like we've got a lot to give as parents and will make sure we do everything possible to give our kid a good life. I'm considered high risk and it requires extra testing, extra visits with MFM and OBs, but this it the path we decided to go down and we understood it when we did. I've tried not to be depressed about it but rather look at it as how fortunate we are to even have the opportunity at this point. And I pray every day that I deliver a healthy baby in a few weeks. If I could redo my life, sure, I'd put less focus on my career and more on trying to start a family earlier, but I don't have a magic time machine so I'm trying to make the most of what I can at this point.

Not the OP but I love this. Congrats and all the best with your soon to be bundle of pure joy!

As older women, we need to be more honest with younger women that the best time to get pregnant, if you have a choice and opportunity, is when you’re younger. This is not a popular thing to say, but we are biologically primed to give birth and be our most fertile and healthy, and have the most energy for having kids, when we are younger. Living in DC I normalized older parenthood and figured we could just postpone for a while so when we started trying in my mid thirties and I had trouble conceiving I was stunned and then angry once I learned about declining fertility, how common infertility is, and how many older parents I knew with young kids had used IVF and other treatments to conceive but had not shared that with me so I assumed they were able to get pregnant easily. We don’t do other women any favors by pretending we can postpone our childbearing years indefinitely. Obviously everyone had their own circumstances and finance, partners, etc. all come into play but after having my own difficulties conceiving and then delivering with complications I might not have experienced had I given birth a decade earlier I have been honest with the younger women in my family that I wish we had started our family earlier and that time is a finite resource, and delaying for career goals is never a good idea because there are no guarantees, and if having kids is important to
You you need to prioritize that. You only have a finite window of fertility whereas you will be working most likely for 40 or more years. Pay it forward to the next generation if you had to learn this the hard way and don’t remain silent about your struggles.

[Anonymous]

I became a single mom by choice at 42. I chose my donor and that was that. Pregnant on the 2nd IUI. I don't find it difficult at all; my son is the most fun thing I have done in my life -- well, besides all those world travel adventures

Dating life is great! Men know that you are independent and not being stalked for their sperm and bank account.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the responses, but my children took awhile to conceive (but I did not need IVF). First was due at 35 but came a few weeks early / right before my birthday. Second was conceived and born when I was 38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been acutely aware of the dangers of infertility past 35 and wanted to procreate earlier but it never quite worked out logistically. Finally we are ready to TTC but I’m turning 35. I’m very depressed.

You’re barely out of high school at 35. 17 years is not that long.

[Anonymous]

Another singe mom here. At 32 I decided to become a mom, did major planning, and delivered my daughter at 34. I don't find single mom-hood hard.

Women: stop the self-pity and get pregnant if you want to be pregnant. You can plan it all out easily. If you wait for a man you will settle for your last-choice. Men know this. I love having honest conversations with male friends -- they know they are being assessed by women in their 30s and 40s mainly for reproductive purposes.