Depressed about having a baby post 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Some things don't go according to plan and it sucks. You're automatically considered high risk and the treatment is different. But having a healthy baby in arm is worth it.

This is not true. I wasn’t even considered big risk at 41. I did get some extra monitoring in the 3rd tri, and induced at 39 weeks based on OB recommendations, but that was a very conservative practice concerned about specific age related risks. It was not a high risk pregnancy.

And none of that was done with my first pregnancy at 38.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at age 35. My OB told me I was one of her younger patients.

No sense in getting upset about your age when there's nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

I know 2 women who had perfect babies at age 50. Your fertility, luck, chances, health doesn’t precipitously drop off as soon as you turn age 35. Changes and probabilities alter over years. Don’t just look at one number—age.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 35 and 37 and thank god for that… if I’d had kids earlier I would’ve had different kids from the 2 I got. Difficult to even contemplate.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it sucks when our plans don't work out.
I would have rather had my kids 10 years earlier than at 36 and 38. I would have had more time to devote to career upon returning to work and had more time to help with potential grandchildren later on.
But hey, it beats having kids in your 40s.

A lot of people on here talk about how easy it is to conceive after 40 or how healthy their kids are.
It's a self-selected group here. The ones who are unsuccessful generally don't toot their horns about it. And, similarly, the ones who didn't have healthy kids are unlikely to talk about it.
I had a friend in grad school who never talked about his mom, would kind of embarassingly turn away when the topic of parents came up. Turns out she had him when she was 40. His father was 10 years older. So I think his mom was around 63 when we were first year in grad school, and so his father would have been 73+. My mother still had 22 years until her retirement in 2013 at that point. When my parents retired, I know I felt some responsibility to be there for them - I can't imagine having that kind of burden when one is still just starting out in adulthood.
He was an only child. Never went home after grad school. He married his college sweetheart immediately, settled down quickly and began his family early. I guess he felt his older mother was more of a liability than an asset to his wife and young kids. I thought he was kind of selfish. I guess he felt it too and was embarassed about that as well.

Get some Ovulation predictor sticks and just go have your babies. Stay healthy for them. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to have kids earlier, but infertility got in the way for years (PCOS, so not age related). I was 37 when my first was born and 41 with my second. Healthy pregnancies, easy vaginal deliveries, healthy kids. Sure, I wish I had been a few years younger, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I plan to do everything I can to stay healthy and active, and chasing after a kindergartener and a toddler helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it sucks when our plans don't work out.
I would have rather had my kids 10 years earlier than at 36 and 38. I would have had more time to devote to career upon returning to work and had more time to help with potential grandchildren later on.
But hey, it beats having kids in your 40s.

A lot of people on here talk about how easy it is to conceive after 40 or how healthy their kids are.
It's a self-selected group here. The ones who are unsuccessful generally don't toot their horns about it. And, similarly, the ones who didn't have healthy kids are unlikely to talk about it.
I had a friend in grad school who never talked about his mom, would kind of embarassingly turn away when the topic of parents came up. Turns out she had him when she was 40. His father was 10 years older. So I think his mom was around 63 when we were first year in grad school, and so his father would have been 73+. My mother still had 22 years until her retirement in 2013 at that point. When my parents retired, I know I felt some responsibility to be there for them - I can't imagine having that kind of burden when one is still just starting out in adulthood.
He was an only child. Never went home after grad school. He married his college sweetheart immediately, settled down quickly and began his family early. I guess he felt his older mother was more of a liability than an asset to his wife and young kids. I thought he was kind of selfish. I guess he felt it too and was embarassed about that as well.

Get some Ovulation predictor sticks and just go have your babies. Stay healthy for them. Good luck.

Um, what? That story about the weird dude you knew is just pointless. How on earth do you know it was because his mom was older? So odd. Op, who cares. I had my first at 30 and am about to have one at 42. It wasn’t really all that different and I don’t think this kid will be too embarrassed of his financially successful and happy parents but who knows. The unknown is parenting. Quit whining. Thousands of things could go wrong and this one is sunk. What are you going to do about it.

[Anonymous]

I had 2 kids before 35 and one after. They were remarkably similar conceptions, pregnancies, and births. I wouldn’t stress if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Some things don't go according to plan and it sucks. You're automatically considered high risk and the treatment is different. But having a healthy baby in arm is worth it.

This is not true. I wasn’t even considered big risk at 41. I did get some extra monitoring in the 3rd tri, and induced at 39 weeks based on OB recommendations, but that was a very conservative practice concerned about specific age related risks. It was not a high risk pregnancy.

And none of that was done with my first pregnancy at 38.

It literally was a high risk pregnancy. I don’t know why to would say it wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

I conceived easily at age 39

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I started trying when I was 30. I’m now just barely 35 and about to have my first later this month (god willing). But I’ve had countless friends older than me conceive right away. Anyways age isn’t a guarantee, in either direction. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and the sooner you make peace with that, the easier things will be. Good luck and I hope your journey is smooth.

This. I'm 32 and it took over 4 years to get pregnant with this baby. My friend's mom got married at 37 and went on to have 8 kids. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it sucks when our plans don't work out.
I would have rather had my kids 10 years earlier than at 36 and 38. I would have had more time to devote to career upon returning to work and had more time to help with potential grandchildren later on.
But hey, it beats having kids in your 40s.

A lot of people on here talk about how easy it is to conceive after 40 or how healthy their kids are.
It's a self-selected group here. The ones who are unsuccessful generally don't toot their horns about it. And, similarly, the ones who didn't have healthy kids are unlikely to talk about it.
I had a friend in grad school who never talked about his mom, would kind of embarassingly turn away when the topic of parents came up. Turns out she had him when she was 40. His father was 10 years older. So I think his mom was around 63 when we were first year in grad school, and so his father would have been 73+. My mother still had 22 years until her retirement in 2013 at that point. When my parents retired, I know I felt some responsibility to be there for them - I can't imagine having that kind of burden when one is still just starting out in adulthood.
He was an only child. Never went home after grad school. He married his college sweetheart immediately, settled down quickly and began his family early. I guess he felt his older mother was more of a liability than an asset to his wife and young kids. I thought he was kind of selfish. I guess he felt it too and was embarassed about that as well.

Get some Ovulation predictor sticks and just go have your babies. Stay healthy for them. Good luck.

What. In. The. Hell. Is. This.

One person's bad relationship with their parents isn't evidence of anything. My parents had all their kids in their 20s. They were immature and had no idea what they were doing, and that lack of maturity harmed their relationship with us. My parents were in their 50s when I was in grad school but I didn't have a good relationship with them at all at the time. I sincerely hope none of my grad school friends too that as evidence that they should avoid having kids young! It's one person's experience. There are lots of factors that go into these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I started trying when I was 30. I’m now just barely 35 and about to have my first later this month (god willing). But I’ve had countless friends older than me conceive right away. Anyways age isn’t a guarantee, in either direction. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and the sooner you make peace with that, the easier things will be. Good luck and I hope your journey is smooth.

This. I'm 32 and it took over 4 years to get pregnant with this baby. My friend's mom got married at 37 and went on to have 8 kids. You never know.

I was told by my OB at 32 that my odds of conceiving without assistance were extremely low due to a hormone condition. I got accidentally pregnant at 37 and had an uncomplicated pregnancy and a healthy baby without even trying that hard. AND pregnancy and childbirth actually helped my hormone issues more than any medication I'd ever been on. You really never know.

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 30 and second at 37. My pregnancy at 37 was easier! (Both happened first time trying). Took a couple of months with my 3rd now at 42 (almost 43). This one has been harder. I have bad hip pain and I’m more tired. BUT I also broke my hip when I was 25, so….

[Anonymous]

I don't know what the big deal is... I think 35 is a great age to get started. I got pregnant at 27 in DC with no income in the middle of grad school, and I was very scared. it ended up working out, but I wished it happened when I was established financially and career wise. all my friends were travelling, having fun, and I was struggling the first few years/