Depressed about having a baby post 35

[Anonymous]

I’ve been acutely aware of the dangers of infertility past 35 and wanted to procreate earlier but it never quite worked out logistically. Finally we are ready to TTC but I’m turning 35. I’m very depressed.

[Anonymous]

It is what it is. I had mine at 36 and 38. They keep me young.

[Anonymous]

You need to either not have a baby or get over it. My sister had her last baby at 43. Both she and baby are 100% fine. The baby is 2 now, and smart and friendly and we're totally happy to have her.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell if this is a troll post. Regardless, this board is full of women having kids after the age of 35, myself included. I'm not sure you'll get an awful lot of sympathy, but as someone who was nearly 40 with kid 1 and will be 40+ with kid 2, I sort of get your concern (I did start worrying as I got closer to 40). You are in very good company, and at 35, you're very likely to be fine. If you're not, the scientific advances that have been made related to fertility have been incredible.

[Anonymous]

What do you want us to say, OP? Get a time machine?

[Anonymous]

I’ll be just shy of 37 when I deliver this fall.

There are lots and lots of women who’ve been 35+ and had perfectly healthy and happy pregnancies and babies!

[Anonymous]

When you have your baby, you will realize that had you conceived at any other moment, you would have missed him/her. And you will know that this time was meant to be, and you wouldn’t have missed that baby for all the world.

[Anonymous]

I remember when I was early in my pregnancy with my baby (I was 36 at the time, would be 37 when I delivered) I went to a dinner party and met a couple there with three children. I was asking them questions about themselves and their kids but they were not aware I was pregnant -- no one there was. And then went on for about 15 minutes about how they were SO GLAD they'd had their 3rd when the wife was 34 because of all the terrible things they knew happened if you had a baby past 35. It was comical and also deeply stupid and offensive (note to people everywhere: don't talk like this to people you barely know, because they might be a 36-yr-old pregnant lady, lol).

I had completely forgotten about that incident until I read your post, OP. Forgotten because my healthy pregnancy resulted in a wonderful child who has kept me insanely busy and happy these past 5 years. I hope that couple is still happy with their own kids, but they were being ridiculous. There is nothing magic about having a baby before 35. It really doesn't make much of a difference. My best mom friend had her first at 32. We are very close and I never feel envious of her for having kids earlier than I did. I'm grateful that (1) I had a child at all, and (2) for the few extra years of wisdom I had when my child was born, which I genuinely think made me a better mom.

Best of luck to you with conceiving and pregnancy and motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Two babies after 35. Most people have no problems. I started trying at 32 and had problems. You won’t know until you try though.

[Anonymous]

Honestly if you are “very depressed” by this then you should be headed to a therapist, not the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Just set on having one child then, a lot of people have their 2nd, 3rd , 4th after 35.

[Anonymous]

The “dangers of infertility” for women over 35 are grossly overstated. The vast majority of women between 35 and 40 conceive relatively easily. Once you hit your 40s, it’s more precarious.

-Mom of three who had all three kids between the ages of 35 and 40

[Anonymous]

OP, you turn 35 regardless and then you turn 36. You do you this will a baby or without a baby.

I'd dial down all the negativity.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I started trying when I was 30. I’m now just barely 35 and about to have my first later this month (god willing). But I’ve had countless friends older than me conceive right away. Anyways age isn’t a guarantee, in either direction. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and the sooner you make peace with that, the easier things will be. Good luck and I hope your journey is smooth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you have your baby, you will realize that had you conceived at any other moment, you would have missed him/her. And you will know that this time was meant to be, and you wouldn’t have missed that baby for all the world.

This made me cry. So true!