Can you get the sexy feeling back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^in many societies, they recognize that monogamy can’t fulfill all your needs. Flirtation or affairs on the side are socially accepted so long as it is discreet and certain obligations are met. Open marriage by another name. It doesn’t necessarily have to be worse, just different. Society seems to be flexible and creative enough to make all kinds of double speak work.

And many of those societies treat women horribly with terrible double standards, where the side affairs are really just excusing men cheating because of patriarchal BS.

Monogamy is pretty easy to avoid if it isn't for you. Just you know, don't take a solemn vow to be monogamous.

Oh give me a break with this. The vows largely based in religious nonsense my wife and I spoke when we were 26?

And you say 'many', so not all. For sure there is still patriarchal BS in the US, but I can assure you that my wife and the other nonmonogamous women I have met are very empowered.

[Anonymous]

Try opening the relationship and experiencing a new guy. I can’t even describe how amazing it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try opening the relationship and experiencing a new guy. I can’t even describe how amazing it was.

Yep, it is amazing.

I had an affair, and I don't post or brag about it because it was wrong, I was wrong but holy lord, it reminded me of how sex can be almost existential. I think all people should get a hall pass for it before they die. Once a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Oh give me a break with this. The vows largely based in religious nonsense my wife and I spoke when we were 26?

And you say 'many', so not all. For sure there is still patriarchal BS in the US, but I can assure you that my wife and the other nonmonogamous women I have met are very empowered.

I don't believe that religion is require to make a marriage vow meaningful. I do think being able to trust your partner's word is important. Do you really think it would be a successful nonmonogamous relationship if a partner repeatedly disregarded their own promises, such agreeing to practice safe sex, be discrete, or other rules? Perhaps, but I doubt it. If you were, you would certainly be in the minority, even among those that endorse open or poly relationships. After all, why even be in a relationship if their is no mutual trust? And again, I have no objection to open relationships by consent of the parties. My objection was in the case where the parties do not agree and amounts to little more than don't make promises that you won't keep.

I said many, because I am certainly not familiar with every world culture. I would be interested in learning about the pre-modern civilization that reflects today's more equal relationships. I am glad that your wife is empowered (though that seems at odds with your characterization of your marriage ceremony as religious nonsense you spoke at 26).

[Anonymous]

Some of the "sexy" feeling is nervous energy, uncertainty about what the other person is thinking/feeling, the excitement of realizing you both desire each other, the novelty of exploring a new person/body...you can't really import that into a long-term committed relationship.

That said, if you are looking for better sex, vacationing without kids is (in my experience) the #1 way to achieve that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I feel sort of like best friends/ roommates. I miss that butterflies and electric feeling.

If you both want it to change it will be easy enough to do so. Problems like this are very common and unfortunately way too often there is only ONE person in the relationship wanting and willing while the other is perfectly fine with the status quo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try opening the relationship and experiencing a new guy. I can’t even describe how amazing it was.

Yep, it is amazing.

I had an affair, and I don't post or brag about it because it was wrong, I was wrong but holy lord, it reminded me of how sex can be almost existential. I think all people should get a hall pass for it before they die. Once a year?

+1. With a boob job first. We know of what we speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try opening the relationship and experiencing a new guy. I can’t even describe how amazing it was.

Yep, it is amazing.

I had an affair, and I don't post or brag about it because it was wrong, I was wrong but holy lord, it reminded me of how sex can be almost existential. I think all people should get a hall pass for it before they die. Once a year?

+1. With a boob job first. We know of what we speak.

Did you really mean to say boob or did you mean b!ow?

[Anonymous]

DW and I have only had sex twice in 2022 and nothing in Feb to date. I've stopped trying to initiate and basically proving out my own theory that DW doesn't have any interest in sex. Trying to bring sexy back doesn't ever sustain any regular intimate activity EVER.

She has never initiated it in the past, so why should I bother any longer?

Of course a couple weeks after I settled on this course of action I found a piece of her lingerie hanging up to be dried with her other clothes a few days ago--lingerie is something she would only put on about 1x a year so either she is going to initiate something soon, or I'm going to ask her what that's all about.

[Anonymous]

We don’t have sex anymore. I really tried but she wasn’t into it. Now I wouldn’t want it either. There are all kinds of articles on this. Useless. There are courses that some claim work but they only claim that briefly. The fact is, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try opening the relationship and experiencing a new guy. I can’t even describe how amazing it was.

Yep, it is amazing.

I had an affair, and I don't post or brag about it because it was wrong, I was wrong but holy lord, it reminded me of how sex can be almost existential. I think all people should get a hall pass for it before they die. Once a year?

+1. With a boob job first. We know of what we speak.

Did you really mean to say boob or did you mean b!ow?

I meant boob job. Or whatever body improving thing you are comfortable doing. Could be just getting in shape for some.