When will I have time to myself again??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

I always felt this way too! I remember getting together with friends who also had 1 year olds and my kid would be climbing all over me, digging through my purse, attempting to run into traffic or scale walls, while their child was sitting happily on a blanket two feet away playing with a single toddler toy for 45 minutes. I was like "How?????"

But it evens out in the end. My super active and demanding 18mo became a 3 and 4 year old who was great at independent play and went to sleep on her own. And some of my friends with the chill toddlers had suddenly very clingy preschoolers who didn't sleep. And suddenly they were coming to me for advice on how I "made" my kid so independent. But I think really what happens is that all kids go through these phases of dependence and independence and if you just stick with them through it, you get out the other side.

My 20 month old is super chill (usually). I'm bracing myself for the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My babies are 16 and 18 yo teens and I still can’t make and drink a cup of uninterrupted coffee. 😀

Have they at least been trained to load the dishwasher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

One of my kids was very high maintenance and I was still able to eat without being tugged on. It sounds like you do just have a really demanding kid. I know you're getting inundated with advice here so sorry for piling more on, but I'd say you need to get comfortable with the idea of your child crying when he's not with you. My SIL had a kid who basically just screamed for the first 18 months of life unless *she* was rocking him in a very specific way. The only way she survived was by having her husband put the kid in a jogging stroller and go on a jog. She hated knowing that he was screaming the entire time, but at least she could have a break from the crying and rocking.

So you could do something like that, or get a babysitter who can take your kid out for a walk. Your kid only wants you but he'll survive with another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

One of my kids was very high maintenance and I was still able to eat without being tugged on. It sounds like you do just have a really demanding kid. I know you're getting inundated with advice here so sorry for piling more on, but I'd say you need to get comfortable with the idea of your child crying when he's not with you. My SIL had a kid who basically just screamed for the first 18 months of life unless *she* was rocking him in a very specific way. The only way she survived was by having her husband put the kid in a jogging stroller and go on a jog. She hated knowing that he was screaming the entire time, but at least she could have a break from the crying and rocking.

So you could do something like that, or get a babysitter who can take your kid out for a walk. Your kid only wants you but he'll survive with another adult.

To clarify, the husband went on a jog with the baby, not my SIL.

[Anonymous]

What age does the younger have to be so they will play with the elder and you are permanently off playing with toy duties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my youngest turned 3 I felt like myself again. That was the age when one parent could do bedtime alone without feeling totally defeated - and so my husband and I started going out with friends again.

Why so long? My DH has been doing bedtime alone since about 10 months!

[Anonymous]

By the time you have time for yourself, you have neglected yourself for so long you won't want to even look at yourself, and you'll happily dive back into hyperparenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age does the younger have to be so they will play with the elder and you are permanently off playing with toy duties?

16

[Anonymous]

Yes OP an 18 month old will demand to be play with and to be near their parents.

I am so confused by the unrealistic expectations people have of children.

However, if he cries when you walk away but he is with his father you both need to be ok with him crying. Daddy can comfort and you come back and say "see mommy came back!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My toddler (18 months) is soooo needy and constantly wants to be near me. Screams if I leave the room, go upstairs, follows me to the restroom, etc. Screams when I'm trying to eat dinner and demands that I play with him. When will the neediness stop?

Middle school. They’ll want nothing to do with you. Then you’ll kind of miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

IDK, I think my 18 month old is way, way too young for a book like that. She has like 3 words. We're not ready for formal/abstract consequences yet.

What? So, someone is suggesting a slow start with it, bcs kid is 18 months old, and you say, nah, too young. Why even ask if you are refusing suggestions? That book is awesome. Your kid does udnerstand more than 18 words right?
What you are doing is not working, and no it is not normal that a kid starts screaming at 18 months cs mom is trying to have a bite to eat. There is nothing abstract about consequences 1, 2, 3 Magic suggests, that is the beauty of that book, that it works on YOU, changing your behavior that will result in your kid changing how the react to simple daily things.
When you read that book you will realize that you are doing things that are not ok, such as ordering your kid around like he/she is a dog.
If you scream, you say, baby doll is going in the trash, you give warning, 1, warning 2, and warning 3, baby doll in the trash in the garage. Not sure what is abstract about it. You act composed, calm, and kid tries once, twice and you are calm and two days later, no more screaming. Again, slow start due to age.

I really enjoyed the book, but the subtitle of the book is "effective discipline for children two to twelve", and the book offers age-relates modifications and caveats for different ages.

I don't think 123 Magic is appropriate at this age yet. I don't think mine would have understood it then, though I've put it into practice for my 4 year old. My 2 year old is borderline on the cusp of it making sense to her.