When will I have time to myself again??

[Anonymous]

I joined a gym with a nursery. It saved my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I joined a gym with a nursery. It saved my sanity.

Are any of those open?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

IDK, I think my 18 month old is way, way too young for a book like that. She has like 3 words. We're not ready for formal/abstract consequences yet.

What? So, someone is suggesting a slow start with it, bcs kid is 18 months old, and you say, nah, too young. Why even ask if you are refusing suggestions? That book is awesome. Your kid does udnerstand more than 18 words right?
What you are doing is not working, and no it is not normal that a kid starts screaming at 18 months cs mom is trying to have a bite to eat. There is nothing abstract about consequences 1, 2, 3 Magic suggests, that is the beauty of that book, that it works on YOU, changing your behavior that will result in your kid changing how the react to simple daily things.
When you read that book you will realize that you are doing things that are not ok, such as ordering your kid around like he/she is a dog.
If you scream, you say, baby doll is going in the trash, you give warning, 1, warning 2, and warning 3, baby doll in the trash in the garage. Not sure what is abstract about it. You act composed, calm, and kid tries once, twice and you are calm and two days later, no more screaming. Again, slow start due to age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

IDK, I think my 18 month old is way, way too young for a book like that. She has like 3 words. We're not ready for formal/abstract consequences yet.

What? So, someone is suggesting a slow start with it, bcs kid is 18 months old, and you say, nah, too young. Why even ask if you are refusing suggestions? That book is awesome. Your kid does udnerstand more than 18 words right?
What you are doing is not working, and no it is not normal that a kid starts screaming at 18 months cs mom is trying to have a bite to eat. There is nothing abstract about consequences 1, 2, 3 Magic suggests, that is the beauty of that book, that it works on YOU, changing your behavior that will result in your kid changing how the react to simple daily things.
When you read that book you will realize that you are doing things that are not ok, such as ordering your kid around like he/she is a dog.
If you scream, you say, baby doll is going in the trash, you give warning, 1, warning 2, and warning 3, baby doll in the trash in the garage. Not sure what is abstract about it. You act composed, calm, and kid tries once, twice and you are calm and two days later, no more screaming. Again, slow start due to age.

That post was from me, not OP. My 18 month old is fine, but way too young for counting. I did read the book and I liked it. I just think 18 months is too young for the book’s main strategy. Especially because you wouldn’t use counting for crying anyway, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

It's not toxic. It's the reality of parenthood. If you are focused on meeting your own needs, guess what you are not doing or at least not doing well. HINT - something to do with your baby.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

It's not toxic. It's the reality of parenthood. If you are focused on meeting your own needs, guess what you are not doing or at least not doing well. HINT - something to do with your baby.

That’s not true at all. Meeting my own needs is necessary for being the best parent I can be and just for being a happy and fulfilled adult. It definitely doesn’t mean I’m neglecting my child. She has two parents, to start. We don’t both need to be there at the same time. Even when I am there, independent play is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

I always felt this way too! I remember getting together with friends who also had 1 year olds and my kid would be climbing all over me, digging through my purse, attempting to run into traffic or scale walls, while their child was sitting happily on a blanket two feet away playing with a single toddler toy for 45 minutes. I was like "How?????"

But it evens out in the end. My super active and demanding 18mo became a 3 and 4 year old who was great at independent play and went to sleep on her own. And some of my friends with the chill toddlers had suddenly very clingy preschoolers who didn't sleep. And suddenly they were coming to me for advice on how I "made" my kid so independent. But I think really what happens is that all kids go through these phases of dependence and independence and if you just stick with them through it, you get out the other side.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are more intense than others and are really needy at this stage. But it gets better by 3.5 for most I think. But i wouldn't stand for being tugged when eating. Either kid sits in high chair and eats when i eat or gets some toys or as a last resort sits in my lap or dads lap. Screaming at that age gets a gentle but firm "we dont scream" or "inside voice" and i put her on a stair step or her comfy chair. I do not give into screaming if i know basic needs are met (food, diaper, tired etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

IDK, I think my 18 month old is way, way too young for a book like that. She has like 3 words. We're not ready for formal/abstract consequences yet.

What? So, someone is suggesting a slow start with it, bcs kid is 18 months old, and you say, nah, too young. Why even ask if you are refusing suggestions? That book is awesome. Your kid does udnerstand more than 18 words right?
What you are doing is not working, and no it is not normal that a kid starts screaming at 18 months cs mom is trying to have a bite to eat. There is nothing abstract about consequences 1, 2, 3 Magic suggests, that is the beauty of that book, that it works on YOU, changing your behavior that will result in your kid changing how the react to simple daily things.
When you read that book you will realize that you are doing things that are not ok, such as ordering your kid around like he/she is a dog.
If you scream, you say, baby doll is going in the trash, you give warning, 1, warning 2, and warning 3, baby doll in the trash in the garage. Not sure what is abstract about it. You act composed, calm, and kid tries once, twice and you are calm and two days later, no more screaming. Again, slow start due to age.

That post was from me, not OP. My 18 month old is fine, but way too young for counting. I did read the book and I liked it. I just think 18 months is too young for the book’s main strategy. Especially because you wouldn’t use counting for crying anyway, right?

Ok, thought it was OP. I have never used it for crying, that is true. I might be forgetting how old my kids were when I used it, but it changed my life drastically within days. Literal days. It was recommended by my kids' pediatrician, herself a mom of four young kids at the time. DD was two, I do know that when I did it. If that is too young, remember it when kids turn two, it made my kids and me, normal mom and kids, instead of meltdown messes that we all were, yes, me too. It might be embarrassing to admit, but I needed to learn to stop being reactive so, so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks 123 Magic poster. I did skim through most of the book but agree with PP that my 18 month old will not understand the counting yet. Maybe we will try in a year when he gets more verbal.

As to what I do now, I try the respectful parenting thing of acknowledging his request while holding my boundary. Functionally that looks like me shoveling food in for 3 mins while he cries and tugs at my arm and clothes. I would not call this a success. Dad tries to distract hum but not even screen time works and he only wants me.

DH also has no free time so it's not just me. The only "me time" we feel like we get is after our son goes to daycare and we are working. Other babies and toddlers we interact with seem way more chill. I think we are just slowly accepting that this is a death march til age 3 or 4 or whatever. It's so hard that neither of us have any bandwidth to even consider a second so we are most likely one and done.

Just wish I could enjoy this stage of parenting more.

Ok, op. You added quite a bit more here. It seems that your son needs your attention, and that is ok. At that age and later. Something is making him crave it to this extent. Are you, perhaps, being too attentive and making a huge effort at everything, BCS you feel a bit guilty he is in daycare? You should not feel that way, at all. Is he not getting a nap there? Is he hungry there?
Sometimes a short nap on the drive home can make a huge difference. I think always take a look at the physical issues that might be causing the behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you eat with your toddler? I was the one who said mine is chill but I don’t think she’d be chill with me just eating near her. I eat when she’s in her high chair. Caveat - we need to be eating the same food or I at least need to share mine.

For bathroom or shower I would use the crib with books and toys.

[Anonymous]

The answer is never - I have a 2 month old and 4 year old. Maybe when they’re 18 and out the house? I’m not being sarcastic just honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

It's not toxic. It's the reality of parenthood. If you are focused on meeting your own needs, guess what you are not doing or at least not doing well. HINT - something to do with your baby.

Yeah; nope. We're not all martyrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a gym with a nursery. It saved my sanity.

Are any of those open?

Not sure. My country club daycare is open but with covid protocols (higher age requirement for kid, masks required). I have a family friend who works in a gym daycare out of state that is currently open.