When will I have time to myself again??

[Anonymous]

My toddler (18 months) is soooo needy and constantly wants to be near me. Screams if I leave the room, go upstairs, follows me to the restroom, etc. Screams when I'm trying to eat dinner and demands that I play with him. When will the neediness stop?

[Anonymous]

It will be a long time, hugs. I won’t say enjoy it because it goes fast ( even though it does) because when you are living it it feels never- ending.

However, can you find a young neighbor to come in after school for an hour? Even a 10-11 yr old ( if you are in house) can sit on the floor and play, sing, read with your dc. I did this with a neighbor’s daughter for 30 minutes in the beginning so I could simply go to the basement to do laundry or home office to pay bills, make phone calls.

As she became a teen and my dc got older I would go for a neighborhood walk. Also as they get older you can start quiet time. They simply have to stay in room for 5 min, 10 min, until whatever time you eventually think best (30 min - hour). They may fight at first but I think by age 2 you should be able to try.

Mine are late teens so I can’t remember! Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

They they go to preschool as long as you don’t have another.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to teach him to play by himself. I don't think this is something a needy kid ever just figures out.

First of all - basics. Semi-early bedtime, reliable night sleep, solid nap time? If you don't have those, start there. It gives you free time, plus an overtired kid is a clingy kid.

Assuming sleep is fine and it's his waking hours you're struggling with, I would start up a formalized independent playtime. This lesson will involve some screaming, but I think it's worth it. Baby proof his room. Explain to him that he's going to start learning to play by himself. Use a timer. Provide lots of fun age appropriate toys. Start with short periods of time (10 mins?)

I think this article is helpful: https://www.babywisemom.com/starting-independent-playtime-late/

[Anonymous]

When he naps. That's your time to recharge too

[Anonymous]

3.5

[Anonymous]

You need to set and hold boundaries. Say no. Go to the bathroom alone. Eat your dinner. "I know you wish you come into the bathroom with me, but I'd like my privacy this time. It's ok to be upset, I will be back in just a few minutes and we'll put together your puzzle then." And then do it. Consistently. She will learn and it will get better.

[Anonymous]

It will be a while. You must carve out time. It won't just happen automatically like it did pre-kids. Carving out your time is necessary, valuable to you and your family, and worth spending money on (how ever much that would be in your particular situation, even if it's asking a mother's helper to occupy your DS for an hour or so.)

[Anonymous]

It wasn't until mine was 6 or 7 that I felt like I really had consistent "me" time. At that age he was comfortable going to a friend's house, doing an independent activity in another room, or staying with a babysitter without a meltdown.

Sorry, OP. It's a long, lonely road. I had to rethink my work hours as me time, even though I'm a teacher so it was just 150 other kids demanding my attention instead, lol.

[Anonymous]

Even when I stayed home (first 11 months) I got time to myself. At minimum, naptime and post-bedtime (I am very strict about bedtime). But also, babysitters, daycare, and even during lockdown/pandemic closure I would trade off with DH or have my mother come help.

[Anonymous]

I mean, yeah, OP. The kid neediness is both wholly age-appropriate and also utterly exhausting. It definitely eases up, but that's kid- and context-dependent. The pandemic made my elementary kids much needier, if not quite as much as what you describe. Try to get breaks from other people when you can. That part gets easier fairly soon, but this age is prime clingy-time.

[Anonymous]

Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't until mine was 6 or 7 that I felt like I really had consistent "me" time. At that age he was comfortable going to a friend's house, doing an independent activity in another room, or staying with a babysitter without a meltdown.

Sorry, OP. It's a long, lonely road. I had to rethink my work hours as me time, even though I'm a teacher so it was just 150 other kids demanding my attention instead, lol.

Omg PP I have no idea how teachers with young kids don’t just melt down. I also rethink work hours as sort of me time but I’ve asked to be moved to back office stuff more since dealing with adult clients feels like it’s exercising the same (already exhausted) part of my brain managing a toddler does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

[Anonymous]

My kids are now 12, 10, and 7 and I feel now now I have a bit of time.