When will I have time to myself again??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

I was just about to say exactly this. Seriously toxic thinking.

[Anonymous]

When my youngest turned 3 I felt like myself again. That was the age when one parent could do bedtime alone without feeling totally defeated - and so my husband and I started going out with friends again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

I was just about to say exactly this. Seriously toxic thinking.

I work in economics and I always say, it's not that I don't have free time; it's just a scarce, higher-cost resource now. And I'm totally willing to pay those higher costs for some sanity!

[Anonymous]

It’s a slow process. I agree that preschool is a big turning point but it’s not a reset to pre-kids, which will never happen. I have an elementary school kid and while I’m much more free than I was a few years ago, I still have days where I just feel like, ugh, I need everyone to leave me alone. But one thing I’ve taught my DD is that if you need space, you can just say “I need some space” and while that might disappoint someone, it’s not rejection. I always come back later as promised. I just sometimes need a minute (or, like 120 minutes).

[Anonymous]

Some kids are needier than others. My now 4 year old is more demanding on my time than the 19 month old. Agree with quiet time. Some kids need to be literally trained to be alone. An 18 month old can learn to do 30 minutes, it won't kill them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my youngest turned 3 I felt like myself again. That was the age when one parent could do bedtime alone without feeling totally defeated - and so my husband and I started going out with friends again.

Wait what? It requires two parents to put one kid to bed? Why? I have 3 young kids and I do bedtime solo every day. Dh is still working when they go to bed. It isn’t super hard - just make them brush their teeth, put pjs on and read a book. Lights out. Night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

+ 1

For both parents. And it is as it should be. In today's world, you chose to be parents. But it does start easing up as they start going to school. Maybe another 2-3 years?

It is physically and mentally very tiring to be a care-giver to young children because you have to be super attentive to what they are doing all the time. But they are so gosh darn cute and adorable! The only way we were able to remain sane was - outsourcing household chores, getting grandparents and relatives involved in care, taking turns with our spouse, napping when the kids napped and frankly lowering our standards. Raising children is not a solo activity in other parts of the world. Only in US, people are so isolated and disconnected with their families that they do this alone.

And if your toddler follows you to the bathroom, then make them sit on a children potty and begin their potty training. I think that is how my kids were trained!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself".

This is just toxic. Of course there is. You are still a human, a woman, and a wife too. An 18 month old demands hands on care and a lot of attention but there is no reason his or her mom cannot still meet her own needs.

I was just about to say exactly this. Seriously toxic thinking.

I work in economics and I always say, it's not that I don't have free time; it's just a scarce, higher-cost resource now. And I'm totally willing to pay those higher costs for some sanity!

There you go! I agree that once you have a kid, there is no such thing as "myself" for both parents. This is the nature of the game. But, you can certainly someone to free up your time by paying for domestic chores or childcare. My DH is an amazing husband and father (he is an economist too..), and the moment we had our first child, he had lined up people to help us.

His motto - "Any problem that you can solve by money is not a problem, it is an expense!"

Yes, it costs us $$$ but sanity and joy is also important. You have to be able to delight in your children because this will end before you know it and then your kids stop needing you and leave the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my youngest turned 3 I felt like myself again. That was the age when one parent could do bedtime alone without feeling totally defeated - and so my husband and I started going out with friends again.

Yes, that was us too for our firstborn. DC1 was very needy and we both needed to be there for her. DC2 was complete opposite and did everything on his own.

I love them both to bits and we have a tight family. They are adults now and their childhood and teenage years had similar results (great students, good kids, high achievers, responsible) - our journey as parents could not have been more different with both our kids.

[Anonymous]

Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

[Anonymous]

How is your husband getting alone time? If he is, do whatever he does.

[Anonymous]

Kids are different. My 18 month old will chill happily in her crib with some tpys while I shower and doesn't cry when I go to the bathroom (though she will run for whatever is forbidden/try all the locks like the raptors in Jurassic Park). So if you have another one, it won't necessarily be like this. And this is probably a separation anxiety phase for this one anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this screaming at everything is not really ok. You need, 1, 2, 3 Magic and start slow and go steady.
What do you do when he starts all this? What are conqecuences?
You have to provide activities, rules too.
Again, sounds like a regular 18 months old just a bit worse, because you are allowing this nonsense to go on.
I am not saying you can stop all of it, but you can work on stopping some of it.

IDK, I think my 18 month old is way, way too young for a book like that. She has like 3 words. We're not ready for formal/abstract consequences yet.

[Anonymous]

My babies are 16 and 18 yo teens and I still can’t make and drink a cup of uninterrupted coffee. 😀