If you grew up UC/UMC and now live a solidly MC life, how do you cope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate OP. I grew up comfortably MC in a rural area (i.e. no pricey hobbies, cars, or trips to Europe, but we had a 2 story Cape Cod in a neighborhood of smaller ranches and I always knew I'd go to college). Now just living in the DC area on an income comparable to my parents' at my age, my standard of living feels much lower, mainly due to the cost of housing and decline of pensions so I have to save a ton more. Sometimes I am ashamed of my tiny, shabby house. Honestly I am not sure how to deal but I try to do little things to make my house nicer, be grateful that I don't have to think twice about signing up my kid for activities, and remind myself that I won't regret saving a ton.

Lol, here's another one that should just shut up. Probably has a couple million in savings, "[doesn't] think twice about" certain discretionary expenses, but is mournful that she can't also have an Instagrammable house on top of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My childhood best friend was like this. She grew up UMC - private schools, shopping sprees, any type of lesson imaginable, had the nicest apt in college, parents paid for everything. Then the parents got divorced, dad went bankrupt and eventually died.

She has never been a high earner or even a medium earner. I will guess her jobs paid 30-50k. She has struggled with spending and credit card bills her entire adult life. She ended up marrying a finance guy who did very well but was not like a hedge fund level guy. I know they had a lot of disagreements about money and eventually divorced. Her credit is really bad because she literally didn’t pay her high credit card bills from her 20s, let them go to collections, moved and changed phone numbers. She has excellent expensive taste, very polished and just likes to have the best of everything. She cannot budget.

I, on the other hand, grew up poor. She was my rich friend. I had nothing as a kid and worked hard in school. I married a high earner. He wasn’t high earning when we met and got married. I would have beeen fine if Dh earned 200k or $2m. Dh earns $2+m per year. I don’t really buy much and we save a lot.

I remind my children how their parents had nothing and how they have to work hard. I try not to spoil them with material items. We do experience a lot and vacation often.

Lol, DCUM women are morons. "I'm a good person. I would not divorce my husband if he only made $200K per year."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate OP. I grew up comfortably MC in a rural area (i.e. no pricey hobbies, cars, or trips to Europe, but we had a 2 story Cape Cod in a neighborhood of smaller ranches and I always knew I'd go to college). Now just living in the DC area on an income comparable to my parents' at my age, my standard of living feels much lower, mainly due to the cost of housing and decline of pensions so I have to save a ton more. Sometimes I am ashamed of my tiny, shabby house. Honestly I am not sure how to deal but I try to do little things to make my house nicer, be grateful that I don't have to think twice about signing up my kid for activities, and remind myself that I won't regret saving a ton.

Lol, here's another one that should just shut up. Probably has a couple million in savings, "[doesn't] think twice about" certain discretionary expenses, but is mournful that she can't also have an Instagrammable house on top of that.

Try again! Neither of our incomes are six figures, we do not have anywhere near a million in savings (we didn't even have access to 401ks/403bs until our mid-30s, or enough income to max them out until this year, so we have a ton of catching up to do). $500/year on kid's YMCA sports and art classes is not going to make the difference between an older townhouse with no parking and an SFH with air conditioning and a bedroom for each kid, this is such a dumb "millennials can't buy homes because of avocado toast" argument. Do you think it's irresponsible for people who don't have millions to keep room in their budget for any discretionary spending, or that people who do have any discretionary income at all can't feel disappointment at their standard of living in other ways?

I'm not even positive what the problem is here, I responded because I objectively do live a less comfortable MC life than I grew up. This isn't a thread for talking about people who have fallen into absolute poverty.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll.

If not, get a job OP that gives you the lifestyle you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood best friend was like this. She grew up UMC - private schools, shopping sprees, any type of lesson imaginable, had the nicest apt in college, parents paid for everything. Then the parents got divorced, dad went bankrupt and eventually died.

She has never been a high earner or even a medium earner. I will guess her jobs paid 30-50k. She has struggled with spending and credit card bills her entire adult life. She ended up marrying a finance guy who did very well but was not like a hedge fund level guy. I know they had a lot of disagreements about money and eventually divorced. Her credit is really bad because she literally didn’t pay her high credit card bills from her 20s, let them go to collections, moved and changed phone numbers. She has excellent expensive taste, very polished and just likes to have the best of everything. She cannot budget.

I, on the other hand, grew up poor. She was my rich friend. I had nothing as a kid and worked hard in school. I married a high earner. He wasn’t high earning when we met and got married. I would have beeen fine if Dh earned 200k or $2m. Dh earns $2+m per year. I don’t really buy much and we save a lot.

I remind my children how their parents had nothing and how they have to work hard. I try not to spoil them with material items. We do experience a lot and vacation often.

Lol, DCUM women are morons. "I'm a good person. I would not divorce my husband if he only made $200K per year."

I thought the same thing. “I don’t care if my husband is high income or super high income.” Makes me question the statement “I grew up poor.” Poor like your parents bought you a Mustang instead of a Mercedes when you turned 16?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood best friend was like this. She grew up UMC - private schools, shopping sprees, any type of lesson imaginable, had the nicest apt in college, parents paid for everything. Then the parents got divorced, dad went bankrupt and eventually died.

She has never been a high earner or even a medium earner. I will guess her jobs paid 30-50k. She has struggled with spending and credit card bills her entire adult life. She ended up marrying a finance guy who did very well but was not like a hedge fund level guy. I know they had a lot of disagreements about money and eventually divorced. Her credit is really bad because she literally didn’t pay her high credit card bills from her 20s, let them go to collections, moved and changed phone numbers. She has excellent expensive taste, very polished and just likes to have the best of everything. She cannot budget.

I, on the other hand, grew up poor. She was my rich friend. I had nothing as a kid and worked hard in school. I married a high earner. He wasn’t high earning when we met and got married. I would have beeen fine if Dh earned 200k or $2m. Dh earns $2+m per year. I don’t really buy much and we save a lot.

I remind my children how their parents had nothing and how they have to work hard. I try not to spoil them with material items. We do experience a lot and vacation often.

Lol, DCUM women are morons. "I'm a good person. I would not divorce my husband if he only made $200K per year."

I thought the same thing. “I don’t care if my husband is high income or super high income.” Makes me question the statement “I grew up poor.” Poor like your parents bought you a Mustang instead of a Mercedes when you turned 16?

I was a free lunch kid so actually really poor. I earned 200k out of grad school so it is reasonable for me to have a spouse who was my equal.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread reminds me why it's important not to have an over-indulgent lifestyle for your kids. It may be fun in the moment, but then it will make them unhappy later in life if their lifestyle does down.

I read a finance book a few years ago in which the author made the case for the importance of smoothing out spending over a lifetime, rather than having highs (which can be followed by lows.) The author said that one thing that can make people really unhappy is to have lived the high life, and then have less. For happiness purposes, it's better to have had a steady amount of money throughout one's lifetime.

So if you have a good amount of money now, it's better to practice "stealth wealth" for the sake of your kids.

[Anonymous]

This is where DCUM is really unhelpful. Lots of rage filled people here. It’s okay to have feeling about your life regardless of your income level. These people policing you OP and PP are awful. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, especially haters on this board.

[Anonymous]

Can you and DH find remote jobs or jobs that are mostly remote and move somewhere with a lower cost of living so your money will go farther? Also psychologists did a study and comparative wealth apparently makes people very unhappy, and it’s prevalent on the East Coast. Lots of people with lots of money and a “keeping up with the Jones’”mentality. This is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH find remote jobs or jobs that are mostly remote and move somewhere with a lower cost of living so your money will go farther? Also psychologists did a study and comparative wealth apparently makes people very unhappy, and it’s prevalent on the East Coast. Lots of people with lots of money and a “keeping up with the Jones’”mentality. This is common.

I think some people are just unhappy.

We have a seven figure income now with an eight figure net worth. We know plenty of people who are from family money. Maybe it is because I grew up poor/LMC but I don’t feel the need to keep up with anyone. I don’t think my kids do either. My kids complain they don’t get enough screen time. They are complaining right now about wanting to quit piano right after we bought this grand piano.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

PP "Biglaw lady" here. Ok ok, sorry. I was just saying I relate to the feeling of knowing I won't be as financially successful as my parents were. I understand that I am extremely privileged!

You don't get it, and you never will.

It sounds like you don’t get it, and you don’t even want to try.

You are such an angry Susan!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childhood best friend was like this. She grew up UMC - private schools, shopping sprees, any type of lesson imaginable, had the nicest apt in college, parents paid for everything. Then the parents got divorced, dad went bankrupt and eventually died.

She has never been a high earner or even a medium earner. I will guess her jobs paid 30-50k. She has struggled with spending and credit card bills her entire adult life. She ended up marrying a finance guy who did very well but was not like a hedge fund level guy. I know they had a lot of disagreements about money and eventually divorced. Her credit is really bad because she literally didn’t pay her high credit card bills from her 20s, let them go to collections, moved and changed phone numbers. She has excellent expensive taste, very polished and just likes to have the best of everything. She cannot budget.

I, on the other hand, grew up poor. She was my rich friend. I had nothing as a kid and worked hard in school. I married a high earner. He wasn’t high earning when we met and got married. I would have beeen fine if Dh earned 200k or $2m. Dh earns $2+m per year. I don’t really buy much and we save a lot.

I remind my children how their parents had nothing and how they have to work hard. I try not to spoil them with material items. We do experience a lot and vacation often.

Lol, DCUM women are morons. "I'm a good person. I would not divorce my husband if he only made $200K per year."

I thought the same thing. “I don’t care if my husband is high income or super high income.” Makes me question the statement “I grew up poor.” Poor like your parents bought you a Mustang instead of a Mercedes when you turned 16?

I was a free lunch kid so actually really poor. I earned 200k out of grad school so it is reasonable for me to have a spouse who was my equal.

If you think this, wait until you hear about all the women that earn far less than their husbands (or nothing at all). It'll blow your mind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Agreed, I was feeling bad for OP, but when I read that she suffers because her kids can't have horses or ridiculous vacations as opposed to just great vacations I can't roll my eyes hard enough.

She was just answering the question honestly. If that’s her lived experience it isn’t wrong just bc it’s privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH find remote jobs or jobs that are mostly remote and move somewhere with a lower cost of living so your money will go farther? Also psychologists did a study and comparative wealth apparently makes people very unhappy, and it’s prevalent on the East Coast. Lots of people with lots of money and a “keeping up with the Jones’”mentality. This is common.

This. For the amount of money that buys you a scraping-by-lower-middle-class lifestyle in the DC area, you could buy the nicest house in town in a lot of places in the Midwest or the South, and have money left over for nicer vacations, cars, etc. Private school and kids' activities are way cheaper here, too. This is how I'm maintaining my UMC lifestyle now that I'm an adult (and also how my parents did it. They always said that if you live in the Midwest in a smaller city, you can save so much money that you can fly to the big coastal cities and do all the cultural activities, museums, restaurants, etc., anytime you want. I have found this to be even more true now, as the coastal cities have gotten so expensive).

[Anonymous]

Biglaw lady, ignore the haters / jealousy. We made around that years ago and it doesn’t go that far in this area, especially with two working parents with kids.