If you grew up UC/UMC and now live a solidly MC life, how do you cope?

[Anonymous]

I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a job with the income level that will boost you to UC/UMC? Why is it your husband’s responsibility?

[Anonymous]

There are two solutions to this: want less or earn more.

It’s easier to want less. I think just a solid gratitude practice would go a long way. But give it time. Maybe pick up a book on stoicism too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a job with the income level that will boost you to UC/UMC? Why is it your husband’s responsibility?

+1, if you want more money go earn it.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like resentment from having to make hard choices. Perhaps it’s worthwhile to write down everything that’s bothering you, and why, and whether or not your are blowing things up, or options to make it better. A literal chart. Also write down what you like about your life. Good luck. Remember, you are building a strength going to a tough time, and if everyone is healthy and fed and clothed, you have a lot to be grateful for.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can have anything you want, just not everything you want. Prioritize your desires and make some choices.

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you wish you had? What’s missing from your life?

[Anonymous]

Divorce and find a richer guy.

[Anonymous]

My husband grew up very wealthy, and I grew up UMC but in the countryside so it seemed like a lot more. We no w are solidly middle class. We are very comfortable and happy with our decisions as well as the priorities and values we have that cause us to be middle class. My husband doesn’t travel for work constantly, and has reasonable and consistant work hours. Our children are being raised by me, not nannies. Our kids get to see us painting and sewing and working in the yard and having practical knowledge they if we we were wealthy we would just hire someone for. These are important skills and values that we want our kids to know.

[Anonymous]

I will probably never attain the standard of living I had growing up. I am UMC by most (maybe not DCUM?) standards, but my dad was a Biglaw partner and made $1m+ most of my childhood, whereas my husband and I are both Fed attorneys and have HHI around $350k. Neither of us wants to go back to the private sector so we will probably stay around this income level.

I'm not a materialistic person so it doesn't really bother me on a daily basis. There are times when I think about some of the things I had growing up (horses/equestrian competitions, a nice summer home, pretty fancy vacations) and I get a bit of a twinge that my kids probably won't have those things (or at least not the versions of them that I had). However, I like my job and find it meaningful (as does DH for his job), and I have lower stress and time to spend with my kids that I wouldn't have in a Biglaw job. So I focus on those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Just think about the disappointment your husband must be feeling, having married a rich girl and then realizing she was relying on him to do the heavy lifting!

[Anonymous]

Think about what you would have to do to raise your HHI and decide if it’s worth the sacrifice. The big one for me is not having to travel for work. I was getting huge bonuses at my last job but was gone for 2 4 days trips per month. Not worth it for me!!!!

[Anonymous]

Why did you assume you’d have an UMC life though? The UMC life is earned for the most part. Some have help with college and money but you have to know how to leverage that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would have to do to raise your HHI and decide if it’s worth the sacrifice. The big one for me is not having to travel for work. I was getting huge bonuses at my last job but was gone for 2 4 days trips per month. Not worth it for me!!!!

PP with Biglaw dad above. That is something I didn't mention - when I was a kid my dad was frequently gone for long periods for trials and other proceedings. At one point he had a client in Luxembourg involved in a big bankruptcy and was there for 3 weeks at time for years. Everything has trade-offs

[Anonymous]

I hardly doubt you are middle class. You can get a better job or a second job.