If you grew up UC/UMC and now live a solidly MC life, how do you cope?

[Anonymous]

I never assumed I would have the life my parents had. I understood inflation and that I wasn't taking the traditional path my parents took in most ways. I'm barely middle class. I will never own a home and will work until the day I die. I am doing the best I can for myself. I made peace with it a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Talk less, smile more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will probably never attain the standard of living I had growing up. I am UMC by most (maybe not DCUM?) standards, but my dad was a Biglaw partner and made $1m+ most of my childhood, whereas my husband and I are both Fed attorneys and have HHI around $350k. Neither of us wants to go back to the private sector so we will probably stay around this income level.

I'm not a materialistic person so it doesn't really bother me on a daily basis. There are times when I think about some of the things I had growing up (horses/equestrian competitions, a nice summer home, pretty fancy vacations) and I get a bit of a twinge that my kids probably won't have those things (or at least not the versions of them that I had). However, I like my job and find it meaningful (as does DH for his job), and I have lower stress and time to spend with my kids that I wouldn't have in a Biglaw job. So I focus on those things.

If your parents could afford equestrian competitions, I'd assume that they will pass enough on to make you or your kids rich at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will probably never attain the standard of living I had growing up. I am UMC by most (maybe not DCUM?) standards, but my dad was a Biglaw partner and made $1m+ most of my childhood, whereas my husband and I are both Fed attorneys and have HHI around $350k. Neither of us wants to go back to the private sector so we will probably stay around this income level.

I'm not a materialistic person so it doesn't really bother me on a daily basis. There are times when I think about some of the things I had growing up (horses/equestrian competitions, a nice summer home, pretty fancy vacations) and I get a bit of a twinge that my kids probably won't have those things (or at least not the versions of them that I had). However, I like my job and find it meaningful (as does DH for his job), and I have lower stress and time to spend with my kids that I wouldn't have in a Biglaw job. So I focus on those things.

If your parents could afford equestrian competitions, I'd assume that they will pass enough on to make you or your kids rich at some point.

Yeah spare me the sob story you disead rhinoceros peasant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will probably never attain the standard of living I had growing up. I am UMC by most (maybe not DCUM?) standards, but my dad was a Biglaw partner and made $1m+ most of my childhood, whereas my husband and I are both Fed attorneys and have HHI around $350k. Neither of us wants to go back to the private sector so we will probably stay around this income level.

I'm not a materialistic person so it doesn't really bother me on a daily basis. There are times when I think about some of the things I had growing up (horses/equestrian competitions, a nice summer home, pretty fancy vacations) and I get a bit of a twinge that my kids probably won't have those things (or at least not the versions of them that I had). However, I like my job and find it meaningful (as does DH for his job), and I have lower stress and time to spend with my kids that I wouldn't have in a Biglaw job. So I focus on those things.

If your parents could afford equestrian competitions, I'd assume that they will pass enough on to make you or your kids rich at some point.

If your dad is a big law partner, he has $$$.

We have a seven figure income and my children live a very privileged life. I would want them to “suffer” a bit and be on their own. We would chip in for a house, kids tuition, etc. I wouldn’t help pay for lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

I do feel for you, OP. I was never raised rich, but I went to school with rich people and now know more about how rich they are due to social media. I purposely chose a non-material path, but now I regret it. I wish that I had been more money-savvy when I was young. I like the suggestions of aiming to earn more AND working on gratitude. They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up very wealthy, and I grew up UMC but in the countryside so it seemed like a lot more. We no w are solidly middle class. We are very comfortable and happy with our decisions as well as the priorities and values we have that cause us to be middle class. My husband doesn’t travel for work constantly, and has reasonable and consistant work hours. Our children are being raised by me, not nannies. Our kids get to see us painting and sewing and working in the yard and having practical knowledge they if we we were wealthy we would just hire someone for. These are important skills and values that we want our kids to know.

+1 we're wealthy by any measure. Still do our own gardening, sew, cook, and many other practical things. Not because we have to it's because they are enjoyable. We also work from home, so it's a bit like the 1800s I'm a way - balanced and relaxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never assumed I would have the life my parents had. I understood inflation and that I wasn't taking the traditional path my parents took in most ways. I'm barely middle class. I will never own a home and will work until the day I die. I am doing the best I can for myself. I made peace with it a long time ago.

Why never own? You can buy a small 2/1. Or even an apt.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Do you truly feel it is on him and “ what he offers.” Can you make it happen for your family, or did you agree you would stay at home and dh would be the only provider?

I ask as I stayed home for a bit in the early years but then went back to work. I am now the high earner and we have a very nice life. I mostly went back because I wanted to but I also recognized that if I wanted a certain lifestyle I could contribute as I was just as capable.

[Anonymous]

Damn it’s nice to go the other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Agreed, I was feeling bad for OP, but when I read that she suffers because her kids can't have horses or ridiculous vacations as opposed to just great vacations I can't roll my eyes hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Do you truly feel it is on him and “ what he offers.” Can you make it happen for your family, or did you agree you would stay at home and dh would be the only provider?

I ask as I stayed home for a bit in the early years but then went back to work. I am now the high earner and we have a very nice life. I mostly went back because I wanted to but I also recognized that if I wanted a certain lifestyle I could contribute as I was just as capable.

+1

This is not the 1950s...

[Anonymous]

I can relate OP. I grew up comfortably MC in a rural area (i.e. no pricey hobbies, cars, or trips to Europe, but we had a 2 story Cape Cod in a neighborhood of smaller ranches and I always knew I'd go to college). Now just living in the DC area on an income comparable to my parents' at my age, my standard of living feels much lower, mainly due to the cost of housing and decline of pensions so I have to save a ton more. Sometimes I am ashamed of my tiny, shabby house. Honestly I am not sure how to deal but I try to do little things to make my house nicer, be grateful that I don't have to think twice about signing up my kid for activities, and remind myself that I won't regret saving a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Why are you so angry??? Seriously you need to chill out. The PP might not have a view you agree with, but put down the pitchfork and back away..