If you grew up UC/UMC and now live a solidly MC life, how do you cope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Agreed, I was feeling bad for OP, but when I read that she suffers because her kids can't have horses or ridiculous vacations as opposed to just great vacations I can't roll my eyes hard enough.

That wasn’t the OP

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear exactly what the OP is missing in her life?

[Anonymous]

My childhood best friend was like this. She grew up UMC - private schools, shopping sprees, any type of lesson imaginable, had the nicest apt in college, parents paid for everything. Then the parents got divorced, dad went bankrupt and eventually died.

She has never been a high earner or even a medium earner. I will guess her jobs paid 30-50k. She has struggled with spending and credit card bills her entire adult life. She ended up marrying a finance guy who did very well but was not like a hedge fund level guy. I know they had a lot of disagreements about money and eventually divorced. Her credit is really bad because she literally didn’t pay her high credit card bills from her 20s, let them go to collections, moved and changed phone numbers. She has excellent expensive taste, very polished and just likes to have the best of everything. She cannot budget.

I, on the other hand, grew up poor. She was my rich friend. I had nothing as a kid and worked hard in school. I married a high earner. He wasn’t high earning when we met and got married. I would have beeen fine if Dh earned 200k or $2m. Dh earns $2+m per year. I don’t really buy much and we save a lot.

I remind my children how their parents had nothing and how they have to work hard. I try not to spoil them with material items. We do experience a lot and vacation often.

[Anonymous]

Manage your family's finances so that you can live how you want. Set priorities. You can make this work but your sense of entitlement is getting in the way of making rational choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money[b], but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Do you truly feel it is on him and “ what he offers.” Can you make it happen for your family, or did you agree you would stay at home and dh would be the only provider?

I ask as I stayed home for a bit in the early years but then went back to work. I am now the high earner and we have a very nice life. I mostly went back because I wanted to but I also recognized that if I wanted a certain lifestyle I could contribute as I was just as capable.

+1

This is not the 1950s...

Honestly, it sounds like your parents weren't UMC, they just lived that way. Be smarter. Live within your means and take pleasure in everything your life has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never assumed I would have the life my parents had. I understood inflation and that I wasn't taking the traditional path my parents took in most ways. I'm barely middle class. I will never own a home and will work until the day I die. I am doing the best I can for myself. I made peace with it a long time ago.

Why never own? You can buy a small 2/1. Or even an apt.

No, I can't afford that.

[Anonymous]

It seems like the real problem is your dependency/waiting on others. Only you can provide yourself with the life that you want, by taking control of your fate. maybe you just haven’t figured out what it is you really want yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

I can almost guarantee you she is not a "DC person" - probably Potomac MD or McLean VA. Don't blame this on DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

PP "Biglaw lady" here. Ok ok, sorry. I was just saying I relate to the feeling of knowing I won't be as financially successful as my parents were. I understand that I am extremely privileged!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Why put all the pressure of your pretentious lifestyle on your husband?

How about you get yourself a JOB? There is no more Mommy and Daddy. You are a snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

PP "Biglaw lady" here. Ok ok, sorry. I was just saying I relate to the feeling of knowing I won't be as financially successful as my parents were. I understand that I am extremely privileged!

You don't get it, and you never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

Why put all the pressure of your pretentious lifestyle on your husband?

How about you get yourself a JOB? There is no more Mommy and Daddy. You are a snob.

She says that she has an income, so I would assume that she has a JOB.

I don’t get the impression that she is putting all of this on her DH. It sounds like the situation makes her sad, and then she feels guilty for feeling sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the Biglaw lady where she and her husband now have to live on only 350k makes me want to puke. That's not going from UMC to MC -- it's going from RICH to UMC. Also, she can do what she's doing now secure in the knowledge that she always has daddy to fall back on. She's the definition of privilege, and it's that privilege that has allowed her to make the choices that she did.

She's also the definition of clueless and out of touch.

Amen. These dc people are truly the worst

PP "Biglaw lady" here. Ok ok, sorry. I was just saying I relate to the feeling of knowing I won't be as financially successful as my parents were. I understand that I am extremely privileged!

You don't get it, and you never will.

It sounds like you don’t get it, and you don’t even want to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am having difficulty. Its a whole new culture and I feel like a snob when I want things from my childhood vs what my MC husband offers me. I do not have a trust fund or what have you as my parents mismanaged their money, but while growing up I had a wonderful life. I knew my DH was raised LMC/MC but he went to good schools and I assumed we'd have a solid UMC life...so far still MC due to smaller incomes and HCOL.

Its really hard on me. I don't know if anyone else can relate.

You sound snobbish and a bit pathetic. You want something, this is America! Find a way to make it happen. It takes work and some luck... it's possible. You are in charge of your lifestyle, not your husband. As a woman, I was taught not to depend financially on anyone.