Am I overreacting

[Anonymous]

Society has lost all sense of civility and empathy. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Take comfort in one dcum stranger sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. That must have been painful.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, DCUM is a fickle beast. If OP had posted asking if she needed to go to her MIL's funeral, people would be screeching, NO, don't go, she's just your MIL.

Instead here is a family that is completely unrelated to OP's mother, that got themselves all to the funeral. They didn't come kicking and screaming. They came to stand up for OP and to support her and OP's husband. They didn't need to be there and NO ONE, well, no normal person, would have faulted them for not being there because, again, none of them are related to OP's mom. Then you consider that there were enough of them together that they took a picture. Not in the middle of the funeral and with enough discretion that OP didn't even know it was happening.

This family deserves huge props for showing up. They didn't have to be there but they were. They don't deserve OP acting like a spoiled brat. If anyone has an apology to make it is OP for making a fuss about it. I get that she is grieving but that doesn't excuse OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was very kind of them all to come to the service. Not all inlaws are that considerate.

Ask your husband to store his photo away in a closet. a
And try to forget about it. If it were me, I would only say something to the inlaws if they asked why you aren't displaying the photo. I'd start with explaining that the photo only reminds you of your mother's death. If they push back or act defensive, "Well Jane, what did you expect? I associate that day with mourning, not a happy family photo op."

Just because it was a funeral doesn't mean that people cannot be happy about other things. There should be laughter and smiles just as there will be tears and sadness. It is all part of life and death.

It's a family photo of the inlaws. The photo isn't in honor of or remembrance of her mom. It's not even a photo of the family members. Yes, there are often laughter and smiles at a funeral, but in relation to the deceased and her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, DCUM is a fickle beast. If OP had posted asking if she needed to go to her MIL's funeral, people would be screeching, NO, don't go, she's just your MIL.

Instead here is a family that is completely unrelated to OP's mother, that got themselves all to the funeral. They didn't come kicking and screaming. They came to stand up for OP and to support her and OP's husband. They didn't need to be there and NO ONE, well, no normal person, would have faulted them for not being there because, again, none of them are related to OP's mom. Then you consider that there were enough of them together that they took a picture. Not in the middle of the funeral and with enough discretion that OP didn't even know it was happening.

This family deserves huge props for showing up. They didn't have to be there but they were. They don't deserve OP acting like a spoiled brat. If anyone has an apology to make it is OP for making a fuss about it. I get that she is grieving but that doesn't excuse OP.

Both points of view can be true. It was wonderful that the IL family came to the funeral. It was terrible to hand out a giant framed family picture in front of OP on her first Christmas without her mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you are not overreacting. You are under reacting and your husband should be more supportive.

+1 Your husband should give it back to his sister, saying that it upsets you. Tell her to give it to someone who will want to hang it up and appreciate it (in other words-- no way in hell it is going up in your house.)

Now that would be overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL sounds like a dope. Why on Earth would anyone use a funeral as a photo op? Geez. She’s an idiot. You have every right to feel upset. So sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're overreacting. Your SIL obviously didn't think about your feelings. Your DH should call his sister and say that you were hurt. I think the photo taking at the funeral was in the "iffy" range, it might have been impromptu and not thought out. The sending of the framed photo to everyone was so insensitive -- that took time to do. I'm sure other family members that received it thought your SIL was insensitive.

NP here. I don't think there was anything wrong with taking the photo. But it was ridiculous of the SIL to think that OP would want that picture framed in her house!

My take on that was that the SIL was sending it to her brother, OP's husband. I can see why he would want it. I would want it, too. I think that OP's reaction is definitely over the top and she does need to do some time with grief therapy.

You think that OP's DH has a place he displays framed family photos that isn't in their house? I mean, I guess at work...but that's a weird thing to assume as a sister. My DH only has our kids' pictures at work.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Very insensitive. We actually captured a lovely family photo at a funeral this past year. I momentarily thought of using it for our Christmas cards until I realized the family who lost the loved one whose funeral we attended might see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are upset, OP. I’m sure your grief is still fresh. One of the few things about a funeral I’d that it provides opportunities for family reunions, of a sort. My mom had a photo of her siblings at their mom’s funerals and it’s special to them.

You don’t see a difference, PP??🙄

[Anonymous]

I definitely think this was thoughtless. But I also think that people saying SIL needs to be called out about this are nuts. And I have a dead mother so I’ve been there, done that.

OP, I think for now, you ask your husband to put the picture somewhere you will not see it. A year from now, this won’t seem likely nearly the big deal this feels like right now. Unless SIL is generally a terrible person, I think you will move on from this given some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was very kind of them all to come to the service. Not all inlaws are that considerate.

Ask your husband to store his photo away in a closet. a
And try to forget about it. If it were me, I would only say something to the inlaws if they asked why you aren't displaying the photo. I'd start with explaining that the photo only reminds you of your mother's death. If they push back or act defensive, "Well Jane, what did you expect? I associate that day with mourning, not a happy family photo op."

Just because it was a funeral doesn't mean that people cannot be happy about other things. There should be laughter and smiles just as there will be tears and sadness. It is all part of life and death.

There’s one like you (above) in every crowd. Wait until you lose someone close to you.

Sweetie, I am 10:46, the woman who has buried a husband and two children. If you cannot understand that life goes on and that you will need to be able to smile again one day then you might as well crawl into the grave with your dead.

I imagine the only reason why OP knew the picture was taken during the funeral reception was because she recognized the clothing that the people were wearing or perhaps she recognized the background like someone else pointed out. Either way, it isn't like this family planted themselves on the grave of OP's mom, started dancing and took a picture. It sounds like they saw they were all together and they took a family photo.

I think that OP's reaction is over the top. OP needs to change her grief therapy strategy (she acknowledges on page 2 that she is "in" grief therapy) because whatever she is doing isn't working well for her. I know many of you mean well but validating blindly as you are doesn't help OP address her grief in a positive and productive way.

Sorry, Sweetie. New poster. You sound like you are the one who needs therapy or never fully grieved. It was a thoughtless, tacky act. Funerals are not photo ops for other people’s joy abs to frame and present as holiday gift just a few months after the funeral is just plain bizarre as is your reaction to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, DCUM is a fickle beast. If OP had posted asking if she needed to go to her MIL's funeral, people would be screeching, NO, don't go, she's just your MIL.

Instead here is a family that is completely unrelated to OP's mother, that got themselves all to the funeral. They didn't come kicking and screaming. They came to stand up for OP and to support her and OP's husband. They didn't need to be there and NO ONE, well, no normal person, would have faulted them for not being there because, again, none of them are related to OP's mom. Then you consider that there were enough of them together that they took a picture. Not in the middle of the funeral and with enough discretion that OP didn't even know it was happening.

This family deserves huge props for showing up. They didn't have to be there but they were. They don't deserve OP acting like a spoiled brat. If anyone has an apology to make it is OP for making a fuss about it. I get that she is grieving but that doesn't excuse OP.

Both points of view can be true. It was wonderful that the IL family came to the funeral. It was terrible to hand out a giant framed family picture in front of OP on her first Christmas without her mon.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, DCUM is a fickle beast. If OP had posted asking if she needed to go to her MIL's funeral, people would be screeching, NO, don't go, she's just your MIL.

Instead here is a family that is completely unrelated to OP's mother, that got themselves all to the funeral. They didn't come kicking and screaming. They came to stand up for OP and to support her and OP's husband. They didn't need to be there and NO ONE, well, no normal person, would have faulted them for not being there because, again, none of them are related to OP's mom. Then you consider that there were enough of them together that they took a picture. Not in the middle of the funeral and with enough discretion that OP didn't even know it was happening.

This family deserves huge props for showing up. They didn't have to be there but they were. They don't deserve OP acting like a spoiled brat. If anyone has an apology to make it is OP for making a fuss about it. I get that she is grieving but that doesn't excuse OP.

Totally disagree. If they wanted to celebrate and memorialize their fun they should have skipped the funeral and gone to Disney. Tacky, clueless and selfish. And now OP DOES know since they framed the picture and shoved it in her face at the first holiday she’s had without her Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, DCUM is a fickle beast. If OP had posted asking if she needed to go to her MIL's funeral, people would be screeching, NO, don't go, she's just your MIL.

Instead here is a family that is completely unrelated to OP's mother, that got themselves all to the funeral. They didn't come kicking and screaming. They came to stand up for OP and to support her and OP's husband. They didn't need to be there and NO ONE, well, no normal person, would have faulted them for not being there because, again, none of them are related to OP's mom. Then you consider that there were enough of them together that they took a picture. Not in the middle of the funeral and with enough discretion that OP didn't even know it was happening.

This family deserves huge props for showing up. They didn't have to be there but they were. They don't deserve OP acting like a spoiled brat. If anyone has an apology to make it is OP for making a fuss about it. I get that she is grieving but that doesn't excuse OP.

Totally disagree. If they wanted to celebrate and memorialize their fun they should have skipped the funeral and gone to Disney. Tacky, clueless and selfish. And now OP DOES know since they framed the picture and shoved it in her face at the first holiday she’s had without her Mom.

Hi, I'm the OP -- I didn't make a fuss. Why should I apologize for what I posted on a message board?