When to Call Police on DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you need to prove? Just end it and leave. Why involve the police?

I suspect he has (or believes he has) a financial incentive to want to document abuse. Potentially to get out of a prenup. Otherwise there is no reason to stay. And OP, even if you “lose” money if you are genuine, and you are being abused, it should not be worth it to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you need to prove? Just end it and leave. Why involve the police?

I suspect he has (or believes he has) a financial incentive to want to document abuse. Potentially to get out of a prenup. Otherwise there is no reason to stay. And OP, even if you “lose” money if you are genuine, and you are being abused, it should not be worth it to stay.

OP, is this why you’re staying and trying to get evidence? Because you think it will mean you get more money in the settlement? Unfortunately, that’s not true. Even if your DW had an assault on record and prosecuted and found guilty, it would still not change the settlement - equity, debts and savings are pretty much split 50/50 as well as retirement accounts. Get a lawyer ASAP to advise you about what documentation to collect and how/when to file. (Although, if you’re concerned about your safety, just get out.)

Or, is there another reason you need proof? Do you feel like you need to justify leaving to someone? Do you think she’ll change if there are consequences? What’s motivating you?

[Anonymous]

Anytime I’ve known someone in a situation like this, they are pretty crazy. By this, I mean sharing about abuse and interested in trying to document their spouse’s behavior.

Anyone normal would run for the hills and wouldn’t be posting on the internet about it. There aren’t even any kids. I’d run and never look back. But I’d also never stay in a marriage where I’m trying to document abuse and video my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Is your jurisdiction is one party or two party consent to record?

[Anonymous]

You have no kids therefore no real ties to her. Leave. Ghost her maybe. No contact and avoid situations alone. Write a formal letter saying her behavior is causing this and then no contact.

[Anonymous]

Record her actions. I regret not recording DW when she went ballistic. BTW nothing to be ashamed of, I studied boxing and BJJ. Still she lost control and I put my hands in my pockets and clinched my mouth. BTW I did break two teeth holding back. Not easy. Good luck my friend.

[Anonymous]

No point in calling the cops now. You know she’s violent. It’s time to leave.

[Anonymous]

Police know that the husband can be the victim too. Pls be careful and keep your cool. Reach out to a hotline or forum like this. Lots of screen prints for documentation.

[Anonymous]

Just go file. No kids, easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Op, how old are you?

Men get abused in relationship a lot too but less than 10% report it because of shame and also doubt that anyone would believe them. Abuse against men is on the rise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. Often an abuser provokes and psychologically nitpicks and invited and then records the outcome. The non-liar, honest one has no evidence of what the household was really like because they are t recording and gaslighting and hiding everything.

I’d be wary of stored video/recordings.

My ex-wife used to do this and then try to use this against me. She would never accept what the really issues were and try to dump it on me. That was it, took divorce and much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call a domestic violence hotline. They will be able to give you the best advice, not DCUM.

This. Please talk to a professional. They will give you far better help than internet randos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime I’ve known someone in a situation like this, they are pretty crazy. By this, I mean sharing about abuse and interested in trying to document their spouse’s behavior.

Anyone normal would run for the hills and wouldn’t be posting on the internet about it. There aren’t even any kids. I’d run and never look back. But I’d also never stay in a marriage where I’m trying to document abuse and video my spouse.

+1. The only legitimate reason to do this would be to gain full custody of the kids to protect them. Even then, it would be worth it to try to just pay the spouse off to get full custody. But OP doesn't have kids so he's just crazy.

[Anonymous]

Are you hoping for some kind of alimony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She attacked me.

Out of the blue randomly? There was no provocation?

Would you ask a woman this? No. This proves op’s point about not being believed and taken seriously