How far would you go to accommodate a vegan / last minute guest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vegans choose to make their life complicated, dramatic and miserable. That’s not how I roll. Vegetarians—I got you. Vegans, whatever. I’ll tell you my menu and you can bring your own food if you don’t like it. I always have plenty of vegetable side dishes, but if it doesn’t fill you up, oh well.

All OP's brother asked is for her to have vegetable side dishes. He didn't ask her to make a different entree or go to the store. OP had a tantrum at being asked to leave the butter off some of the green beans.

NP. Please, stop. Being told at the last minute that you suddenly have to accommodate a vegan, not just vegetarian, guest is f-ing rude. I doubt it would have been a problem if the brother had brought it up ahead of time, before OP did the shopping and planned the menu.

[Anonymous]

My answer Op is, not at all. I wouldn't be mad, resentful, judgy that they ask, because why bother with those emotions. I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it and wouldn't think further about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree you shouldn't have to make a special trip to the store, but can you do a baked potato and some veggies roasted in olive oil? If you have green beans I like to saute them with olive oil, garlic, kosher salt and a splash of lemon juice. Super easy and one of our staple Xmas sides (we do beef tenderloin). If you're doing a salad put some aside for her before you dress it, in case she can't do the dressing.

With your brother, focus on the late notice. It's not super hard to accommodate vegans (my nephew is allergic to eggs and dairy so we do a lot of vegan sides), but you need notice. Expecting you to go to the grocery store on Dec. 23 is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother just told me he is bringing his gf for the weekend to spend Christmas with us. He also mentioned she is now vegan and if I would make some sides for her. My family and I are very health conscience and exercise daily but on holidays we will indulge and are meat eaters. Christmas eve dinner we are having steak and xmas dinner we are having ham & turkey. This whole thing has rubbed me the wrong way. I am so busy I don't have time to educate myself on vegan dishes. Even writing this post I am doing it waiting for my curbside pick up. He sent me a "small" list of items she cannot have. No meat, dairy, eggs, honey, seafood blaw blaw blaw. I responded I did not have time to cater to her food preferences and if I make them there is a 100% chance there will be cross contamination with the "bad" food. I advised him to go to moms and use her kitchen and to get to cooking and he could bring the side dishes they prepared themselves. He went on a rant about how I don't like her (I don't - whole other story) and that if it were someone else I would take the time to make the side dishes. I assured him I would not. I also reminded him if his gf caused any drama it would not be well received and would have to leave if she did. I told him I loved him and hung up. I feel a tiny twinge that I might have been a jerk. I also feel like they are being very very inconsiderate. Any advice? Am I the worst host by telling them to cook their own food?

When someone uses the phrase “foods she cannot have,” they’d better mean for medical reasons. That’s not the case here. Yes, tell her she’s on her own. Or make it your brothers problem. He’ll soon see what a PITA people like this are.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don't be obnoxious.

Do some vegetable sides (bake potato), a salad and even something simple like baked tofu. Open the container of firm tofu, put the wet tofu on paper towels or a cloth, press the water out, slice, put some garlic, salt, onion powder or what ever she likes, and bake till brown. It takes a few minutes to prepare. You can coat in corn starch but its more of a hassle and I never do it.

She may not care about mains. I am a veggie and I'd be fine with just a baked potato and a veggie side. We do that pretty regularly in our house.

But, I think you shouldn't invite her ever again. If you said that to him, I'd just decline going and have him go alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vegans choose to make their life complicated, dramatic and miserable. That’s not how I roll. Vegetarians—I got you. Vegans, whatever. I’ll tell you my menu and you can bring your own food if you don’t like it. I always have plenty of vegetable side dishes, but if it doesn’t fill you up, oh well.

We have no idea if this girl made those requests or if it was the brother trying to make sure she was provided for. it’s very easy to blame the extra plate. This is more about relationships than dietary choices.

[Anonymous]

"Oh I wish I had known earlier! All our shopping is done. Feel free to bring over some veggies she likes and we can prepare them together."

It's up to you to accommodate given reasonable notice, which you did not have. So it's now on him to do the extra shopping, and they can help with preparation. Compromise.

[Anonymous]

So everyone is overwhelmed?

[Anonymous]

OP, you can literally heat up a can of beans on the stove to ensure there is something for her to eat. If you're feeling generous, add some salsa so it has flavor and boil some rice. You don't want to do this, because you don't like her. But there is exactly zero indication that she's dramatic, picky, or worried about cross-contamination from food cooked in the same kitchen. If she were, she wouldn't be joining you for a meal.

Most vegans I know will make do as long as there is literally something they can eat. Some are more sanctimonious than others, but they live a non-vegan world and know how to survive.

If you don't do the bear minimum to make sure there is one thing she can eat, I promise you that the person who is the rude jerk in the situation is you.

[Anonymous]

It’s Thursday Not Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plain. Dry spaghetti. How hospitable! Not passive aggressive at all.

Earth balance vegan butter is not bad. Maybe get an acorn squash to roast and green beans with vegan butter and lemon. Sautéed mushrooms with garlic to go over squash. Yes, it’s extra work - but not too much if your blanching beans anyway and will go a long way to having a more peaceful mealtime/visit.

You both sound pretty punchy btw

It's 12/23 and the shopping is done. Do you really think OP has an acorn squash, vegan butter, and mushrooms in the house?

I think that the grocery store is still open and even with online this is less than a 20 minute errand. I did my big grocery shop yesterday and I know will have to go pick up two more things tomorrow. That’s just how it works when you’re having a big family meal. There’s always something.

NP. The grocery store was a nightmare when I went yesterday. Line stretched all the way back through the produce section. This is not a 20-minute errand, and it’s extremely rude to spring something like this on your host at the last minute.

I also was at the grocery store yesterday. And I’m hosting myself. If my sibling was bringing someone and my going to the grocery store could make us all have a much better day, I would do it. And it’s not a long errand. It’s the mental load that is weighing everyone down. This is a really easy fix. Most of that food will be happening passively while other things are cooking. It’s a choice to not accommodate more than a hardship. And if there’s more than one adult in the home this is something that can be delegated.

Or they could compromise and OP could tell her brother, not a problem for me to add something GF can eat, could you run to the store and get the following items?

Yep. The real problem, technically speaking, is the store trip. Return the awkward back to sender, but then be the gracious host.

[Anonymous]

You have a very different definition of last minute than I do. It’s the 23rd. I don’t see why you couldn’t cook a side dish or two without being so horrible about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s Thursday Not Saturday.

Yeah no shit, the stores will be empty on Saturday if they’re even open. Right now they’re completely packed. Welcome to the week before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

A last minute guest with diet restrictions comes with their own food.


Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is annoying last minute and I want to help you avoid the store. What's in your fridge and pantry? Im sure we can crowd source something low key.

Op here. I appreciate the offer. I have more vegan items than I thought. I have 3 kids so I have lots of pasta already on hand. I have fruits such as apples, oranges, bananas, strawberries and grapefruit. Vegetables I have tomatoes, onions, brussels sprouts, potatoes, broccoli, carrots, kale, spinach and I even have some egg plant. Plenty of leafy greens for salads. I have beans and mushrooms.

I won't be going back to the store. I had to wait in a line of cars to get a curb side spot. I can only imagine how crazy it is on the inside.