Step Children V Children Gift giving for extended family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t totally understand how everyone is related but I’ll say:

- I don’t handle H’s side of the family when it comes to cards/gifts/birthdays/Christmas/whatever. Saves a ton of drama and my own time and sanity.

- No one in my family gets gifts for my step kids (H’s kids). No one in H’s family gets gifts for my kids (so H’s step kids).

- H and I have a kid together and inequity hasn’t been a problem since our kids from previous marriage also have tons of extended family that gives them gifts. But if it were, we would take it on ourselves to even things out rather than expect our extended families to.

- I stay out of H’s family drama and he stays out of mine. If a kid said this to me, I’d laugh, file it under “kids say the darndest things”, and move on with my life. If kid’s parents had an issue with our gift, I’d let H handle it. Not my business.

This is how DH thought of it, until I told him it was a bit rude.

Eh. Kids say rude things, especially at 10/11. They have strong opinions and are less shy than little kids, but haven’t yet developed the ability to filter. My 10yp stepdaughter spend thanksgiving comparing and contrasting me with her mom, ending in “you two are so much alike and would be great friends! Dad must really have a Type!” I just about died laughing.

I think you should be the adult and not punish him. Continue giving whatever gifts you want, and if he’s still being rude once he hits his teens, then say something or stop giving gifts.

I don't consider your stepdaughter trying to bring everyone together with things in common rude or a bad thing. That's sweet. I would have no issue if kids said that to me.

However, regardless of step or not, any child saying that is RUDE. If my child did that, he not only would't get the money, but would be forced to apologize and there would be consequences in our home. Part of it is parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly. The bios gives them presents. OP presents to your own family and kids.

When you’re talking about a 10yo who is being raised by your husband’s brother (the stepdad), this is a really crummy attitude. If we’re talking about someone who didn’t become your step nephew until he was 34 years old, then fine, you don’t have to give him a gift if you don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly. The bios gives them presents. OP presents to your own family and kids.

When you’re talking about a 10yo who is being raised by your husband’s brother (the stepdad), this is a really crummy attitude. If we’re talking about someone who didn’t become your step nephew until he was 34 years old, then fine, you don’t have to give him a gift if you don’t want to.

New poster. As a second wife, I don’t see the point of presenting or buying gifts for DH’s family. You know that no one really cares for you so what is the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As a step kid, the risk of a kid feeling like they aren't a part of a family is worse than a kid getting spoiled on christmas. You're right, you get a lot of stuff, but you are also VERY attuned to relationships and who thinks of you as 'family' and so honestly as a step kid you remember the snubs way more than the gifts, because the snubs MEAN something. Giving to the steps makes them feel secure, like they belong. That is the gift you're giving.



Completely agree

It’s the same with adults who aren’t considered family. Not so much gifts but things like not being mentioned in a Facebook post when everyone else is mentioned, not being included in a Christmas photo card that is showing “our family”…it’s very telling and this person wonders why I’m not willing to be her childcare provider 😝