Step Children V Children Gift giving for extended family

[Anonymous]

Do extended children in your family get the same gifts as step kids?

I started sending out birthday cards this year to DH side of the family which includes a step-nephew(10). He responded ‘(Step)Grandma gave me $100, you guys could’ve sent more ’

I know he’s a kid but that statement got me curious as to what’s the norm?

* I only inserted step to make it clear
*As a foster kid this is the total opposite problem I routinely faced. So any help would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Yes, step kids get similar / equivalent gifts to everyone else. Although, I don't like your nephew's response. I hope that his parents correct his behavior or he will not get many gifts from anyone.

[Anonymous]

Step-grandma? Does that mean your mom sent him more???

Honestly, I would be inclined to stop all gifts after a bratty response like that.

[Anonymous]

The fact that he felt the need to tell you that another relative gave him more and that you felt the need to specify that he’s a step relative suggests that you both deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

I would give stepchildren the same amount as my children, if I had stepchildren. But I don't feel like I need to give nieces and nephews the same amount. The parent or step-parent relationship is more responsibility than an aunt or uncle has.

Your nephew was rude to compare gifts from one person to another. People don't have to give the same amount as other people do. You should give equally to all your nephews and nieces, whether they're step- or not. But you don't have to give as much as someone else gives. You just have to be fair within your budget.

[Anonymous]

Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

[Anonymous]

That kid is a brat.
Yes, they are treated equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly, don't step-kids sometimes come out way ahead, because of having more family to dote on them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly, don't step-kids sometimes come out way ahead, because of having more family to dote on them?

Only if there's actual doting. And still, my step-relatives are fine but I'd trade them for a happy intact family any day.

[Anonymous]

Wow so rude. I wouldn’t be giving him anything next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step-grandma? Does that mean your mom sent him more???

Honestly, I would be inclined to stop all gifts after a bratty response like that.

Yes DH mom sent the $100, we sent $35. Which I thought was enough for a 10y/o.

He’s normally a great kid, this did catch me off guard.

[Anonymous]

I would not send him anything. He’s rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't send him anything. He's a brat. He received a gift and should be taught to accept it graciously. $35 is a lot for a ten year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly, don't step-kids sometimes come out way ahead, because of having more family to dote on them?

Yes, they do, and it can be overwhelming to the step. It really sort of takes some of the fun out of it for the kid, or at least that is what I saw in my own stepson. He would get stuff from a whopping 3 sets of grandparents and two sets of parents, not to mention aunts and uncles. I tried to explain this to my parents, but they insisted on getting him stuff. I always insisted that when he was with us at my family's celebration, it was my and my husband's responsibility to provide something for him to unwrap. They never listened to me. It helped when he started spending Christmas with his mom, and then he grew up and it wasn't an issue any more.

I don't love the idea of forcing a relationship between steps and grandparents. My stepson is unlikely to have an ongoing relationship with my parents; in fact, he doesn't. And that's okay; he has perfectly lovely grandparents of his own. I know plenty of families do it differently, and that's fine, but it's not important to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steps are not related to you. Let their family members send them gifts (or not).

Exactly, don't step-kids sometimes come out way ahead, because of having more family to dote on them?

Yes, they do, and it can be overwhelming to the step. It really sort of takes some of the fun out of it for the kid, or at least that is what I saw in my own stepson. He would get stuff from a whopping 3 sets of grandparents and two sets of parents, not to mention aunts and uncles. I tried to explain this to my parents, but they insisted on getting him stuff. I always insisted that when he was with us at my family's celebration, it was my and my husband's responsibility to provide something for him to unwrap. They never listened to me. It helped when he started spending Christmas with his mom, and then he grew up and it wasn't an issue any more.

I don't love the idea of forcing a relationship between steps and grandparents. My stepson is unlikely to have an ongoing relationship with my parents; in fact, he doesn't. And that's okay; he has perfectly lovely grandparents of his own. I know plenty of families do it differently, and that's fine, but it's not important to everyone.

What a weird reaction. There is nothing wrong with stepgrandparents giving their steps gifts. And was your stepson the only kid there? If not, did you expect the grandparents to give presents to the other kids and not the stepson? That’s terrible.