Am I raising a brat, and how do I fix this?

[Anonymous]

“You had all day to do this” would get an LOL from me…and no change in the direction of the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

You shouldn’t be taking your kid grocery shopping during the pandemic. It’s safer for her and others to leave her at home.

Otherwise, I generally agree with your thinking. I’m not sure what to stay about fixing it.

But given covid, I would not take her with you on errands that require going inside.

It’s been a year and 8 months since covid hit. You should know by now that you are not getting covid while you’re masked at the grocery stores and not standing next to anyone for more than 15 minutes at a time.

YOU should know by now that while masks are helpful, they don’t eleimate the risk entirely and people can absolutely catch and spread covid in the grocery store.

And the fifteen minute rule was pre delta, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

You shouldn’t be taking your kid grocery shopping during the pandemic. It’s safer for her and others to leave her at home.

Otherwise, I generally agree with your thinking. I’m not sure what to stay about fixing it.

But given covid, I would not take her with you on errands that require going inside.

It’s been a year and 8 months since covid hit. You should know by now that you are not getting covid while you’re masked at the grocery stores and not standing next to anyone for more than 15 minutes at a time.

YOU should know by now that while masks are helpful, they don’t eleimate the risk entirely and people can absolutely catch and spread covid in the grocery store.

And the fifteen minute rule was pre delta, idiot.

Plus, there’s aerosols.

I don’t get people who don’t understand they can catch covid in grocery stores. Don’t take your kid there if you don’t have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she do? She needs to contribute more. Laundry, cook dinner once a week at least. Clean rooms, bathrooms, yard work etc.

That seems ambitious for ten.

My brother and I each cooked dinner once a week, starting at age 10. There are cookbooks for kids. It's not too ambitious, and we loved it. I'm not so sure that our parents did, though.

Good for you for addressing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she do? She needs to contribute more. Laundry, cook dinner once a week at least. Clean rooms, bathrooms, yard work etc.

That seems ambitious for ten.

It's not. I know a 9 year old who makes her own shopping list and cooks dinner once a week(she has been doing this since 8.5). It can be something really simple like steamed green beans, boiled rice and ground beef. But she should be responsible for cooking and cleaning after herself.

The best way to not raise a brat is to give your kids chores and responsibilities as soon as they are able to do them. A 10 year old can cook dinner/breakfast once a week, clean and mop their bedroom and bathroom on the weekends, and do their own laundry.

If they are running their mouths, they are probably not aware of just how much work it is. Let them do it. They'll appreciate the work better.

my 9yo has the rest of her life to have to make dinner. I’m not going to start making her do it at 9 just because I think she should. She does do other chores but I don’t see the need in making going ours do adult stuff like this unless it’s a necessity.

[Anonymous]

OP, no advice but I am here to commiserate
I am a divorced mom to an 11 yo son and it’s very easy for me to fall into catering to him. He actually said it once - dad doesn’t cater to me like you do (that’s when it dawned on me)
I am trying to change it so I am grateful for a ton of great advice here

[Anonymous]

I think people are too hung up on cooking dinner.

The important thing is that the child is responsible for chores around the house. Personally, I think cleaning their room and bathroom and doing their own laundry is more important. My kids help me cook all the time but I would never want to hand it off completely at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are too hung up on cooking dinner.

The important thing is that the child is responsible for chores around the house. Personally, I think cleaning their room and bathroom and doing their own laundry is more important. My kids help me cook all the time but I would never want to hand it off completely at this age.

+1. I'm much more interested in having them do their own laundry and clean their rooms. They can also help with gardening, trash, etc. Zero interest in having them cook dinner until they are 15 or so. I didn't learn to cook until after college and I'm a great cook and enjoyed learning. I'm fine with mine helping in the kitchen if they want but I'm not assigning it as a chore. I do want them to learn the fundamentals of putting together a healthy meal and being thrifty, though - like using leftovers, buying stuff on sale - so we talk about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal to me. Not a fun age at all. It's a demanding age. Except we never cooked separate meals. Instead, I cook meals I know DD will like. Breaded thin chicken, steak, burgers, pasta etc.

Sorry, that’s not normal at all.

Nip this shit now or teenage years are going to be awful.

Teenage years are hard no matter how well you parent …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

Oh HE** no. That's global thermonuclear war, right there.

Oh please. I can see most 10 YO I know saying this.

[Anonymous]

Beat her bare ass once. She’ll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beat her bare ass once. She’ll get it.

Yeah, abuse will fix this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of a 3 and 5 yo so I will keep my mouth shut on this one.

But, our nanny brings her kids to our house after school, they are ages 8 and 11. I am astonished by how much they are capable of doing. Their mom brings them here and immediately puts them to work mopping, washing Windows, cooking a snack, doing dishes. She’s focused on my own kids (and also teaching them to help) and doesn’t even give her kids instructions or guidance-it’s just the expectation that they help out.

We had a little birthday celebration for the just turned 8 year old boy, and immediately after cake he was clearing plates and loading them into the dishwasher.

So basically, I’ve learned that kids are capable of so much more than we think. Her kids are super respectful and humble too. I’ve never heard them whine.

Our nanny is Mexican and I think she just has such a different mindset. One time she had my 3 yo carrying a laundry basket and I praised him for “helping nanny” and she corrected me and said that she was helping him but that this is his job, not hers.

PS-we pay her kids for all the work they do at our house. I told her I was worried they were working too hard and she laughed at me.

Regardless of the fact that you pay them and your nanny is directing it I still find it pretty disturbing that you have the 8 year old child of your employee mopping your floors and washing your windows. No matter how you try to spin it, that’s not the same as expecting your own kids to help with household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

What did you say/do when she said “you had all day to do this?”

Np. I’d say I’m optimizing my trips and that if she speaks to me that way again her phone and/or screentime will be gone for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

I could be off base but the “you had all day to do this” makes it sound like you are a SAHP and she is picking up on/echoing the working spouse being dismissive of your time, in which case you should start there.