Am I raising a brat, and how do I fix this?

[Anonymous]

I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

[Anonymous]

It’s not too late but don’t back down. Your child shouldn’t be speaking to you like that, yes, it sounds like you’re raising a brat but you’re trying to reform. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

"You had all day to do this."

"Do you want to come along or walk home?"

[Anonymous]

What does she do? She needs to contribute more. Laundry, cook dinner once a week at least. Clean rooms, bathrooms, yard work etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know the first part of my question is true. We’ve turned her into a brat.

She’s used to us catering. Doesn’t like a dinner, I’ll pop something in the oven for her.

I pick her up from school and need to run an errand? She doesn’t want to go so I go out of my way to drop her off at home.

She’s 10.

We sort of went cold turkey and stopped the cooking of other food, and like yesterday, I had the day off but did other things, so when I picked her up I had to stop to grocery shop. I didn’t drop her off at home.

The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

I would be very clear with her why you are doing this and stick to your guns.

I once read the definition of the word "entitled" to my kids out of the dictionary and then explained why people who behave this way often have trouble in life socially.

Bottom line is people don't like assholes. And it's your job to make sure she isn't one. Tell her that. In a more age appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does she do? She needs to contribute more. Laundry, cook dinner once a week at least. Clean rooms, bathrooms, yard work etc.

That seems ambitious for ten.

[Anonymous]

It’s the age. Around that age I stopping cooking separate meals and said you don’t like it cook yourself. Kid figured it out. No on the errand issue.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal to me. Not a fun age at all. It's a demanding age. Except we never cooked separate meals. Instead, I cook meals I know DD will like. Breaded thin chicken, steak, burgers, pasta etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal to me. Not a fun age at all. It's a demanding age. Except we never cooked separate meals. Instead, I cook meals I know DD will like. Breaded thin chicken, steak, burgers, pasta etc.

Sorry, that’s not normal at all.

Nip this shit now or teenage years are going to be awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal to me. Not a fun age at all. It's a demanding age. Except we never cooked separate meals. Instead, I cook meals I know DD will like. Breaded thin chicken, steak, burgers, pasta etc.

I don't think it's normal either. A kid saying "you had all day to do this" when being asked to join on an errand is pretty out there.

Good for you OP for recognizing it.

[Anonymous]

It probably won't be a quick fix but good on you for tackling it now. Much better at 10 than at 14.

In our house, we talk a lot about how our decisions/routines/schedules need to work for the whole family. Sometimes those choices are inconvenient to me, sometimes to the kid, sometimes to DH, but we all take the hits for the greater good. Pointing that out every now and again is helpful because then it doesn't look like it's always the same person being inconvenienced and it reinforces the shared enterprise aspect of family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal to me. Not a fun age at all. It's a demanding age. Except we never cooked separate meals. Instead, I cook meals I know DD will like. Breaded thin chicken, steak, burgers, pasta etc.

I don't think it's normal either. A kid saying "you had all day to do this" when being asked to join on an errand is pretty out there.

Good for you OP for recognizing it.

It's not normal at all. It is good that you are recognizing it, OP. You should definitely call her out on speaking to you that way, whether it's the tone or the actual words, or both. PP's suggestion of pointing out how everyone in a family works together and is sometimes inconvenienced for others for the greater good is a good approach. You have to stick to your guns and don't give in. ALso adding in some household duties is probably a good idea.

One of my friends has a 17 yr old who is so beyond entitled and obnoxious that it sometimes leaves me speechless. I don't even think she notices how awful he is. She talks to me often about how he says he struggles to make friends. It's hard to listen to it, because it's so crystal clear WHY he has trouble with it. He's a brat to everyone. YOu don't want to be there, so good for correcting now.

[Anonymous]

I'd be super honest with her. The adults in the household sit her down and say "You've become really spoiled and bratty. It's been kind of okay because you've been little and cute but you're growing up, and it's turning into b*tchiness. If you continue this way, people won't like you, you won't get jobs, you won't have friends, nobody will invite you to do anything, and on and on. So we are going to help you to become a better person. That's part of our job as your parents. Going forward, you are NOT the center of this household. You will get everything you need, and some of the things you want, sometimes. When you forget your manners, we will remind you once. If you refuse to say please or thank you, you will be sent to your room until you're ready to behave appropriately. Understand?"

And then be VERY consistent. Very, Very consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it’ll get better once she realizes we aren’t catering to her anymore, but any tips on making this an easier transition?

And please don’t attack me, I’m trying to do better. I realize my error and I’m trying to fix it.

OP my advice is, keep smiling. She will become *more* self-centered in the next few years, not less. Tweens and teens love to deflect to their parents. Especially when challenged. Look up extinction burst. https://evoketherapy.com/resources/blog/phil-bryan/extinction-bursts-its-going-to-get-worse-before-it-gets-better/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The attitude is astounding. She told me, you had all day to do this.

Oh HE** no. That's global thermonuclear war, right there.