What to do if you suspect your husband is cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut OP; it’s triggered for a reason. Your gut feelings plus his time away, the little lies, all speak to something nefarious going on. I’ve been in your shoes and had friends reason my boyfriend’s actions away (I was paranoid, the pandemic, etc) and discovered a week later he had been cheating throughout our relationship. He even lied about it once he got caught! These feelings don’t come from nowhere, most likely your husband is being unfaithful and I’m sorry. What you do is ask questions, observe his responses for anger, deflection, etc. The truth will come to light and you most likely won’t need to secretly surveil him to discover it (though it helps.)

Agree. And friends will say 'oh, he'd never do that' or 'it's just your mind playing tricks'. They will comfort you which isn't really the kind of help you need.

If your gut is telling you something is off, it is invariably correct the vast majority of time. Nothing bad can come from following up and observing closely--unless you prefer to keep your head in the sand. If it were me, the sooner I found out the better vs a year or more later.

Citation needed.

The idea that you would spy on a spouse, including tracking cars and setting up recorders, based on nothing other than a hunch, is so outrageous. I would divorce my spouse if they did that.

[Anonymous]

Run like the wind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

That seems ridiculous.

It’s dangerous to have people living together during a divorce with cheating, someone has to move out. Happened to 2 of my girlfriends. H was ordered to pay for an apartment, trey were both SAHM at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

That seems ridiculous.

It’s dangerous to have people living together during a divorce with cheating, someone has to move out. Happened to 2 of my girlfriends. H was ordered to pay for an apartment, trey were both SAHM at the time.

That is absolutely stupid to pay for an apartment when they could have kept the money themselves and split it until the divorce was final. People are way too stupid financially with divorce. That is money she could have kept half of. Waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

That seems ridiculous.

It’s dangerous to have people living together during a divorce with cheating, someone has to move out. Happened to 2 of my girlfriends. H was ordered to pay for an apartment, trey were both SAHM at the time.

It is not dangerous. That is the most idiotic thing I've heard in a long time. Be an adult. There are worse things than cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut OP; it’s triggered for a reason. Your gut feelings plus his time away, the little lies, all speak to something nefarious going on. I’ve been in your shoes and had friends reason my boyfriend’s actions away (I was paranoid, the pandemic, etc) and discovered a week later he had been cheating throughout our relationship. He even lied about it once he got caught! These feelings don’t come from nowhere, most likely your husband is being unfaithful and I’m sorry. What you do is ask questions, observe his responses for anger, deflection, etc. The truth will come to light and you most likely won’t need to secretly surveil him to discover it (though it helps.)

Agree. And friends will say 'oh, he'd never do that' or 'it's just your mind playing tricks'. They will comfort you which isn't really the kind of help you need.

If your gut is telling you something is off, it is invariably correct the vast majority of time. Nothing bad can come from following up and observing closely--unless you prefer to keep your head in the sand. If it were me, the sooner I found out the better vs a year or more later.

Citation needed.

The idea that you would spy on a spouse, including tracking cars and setting up recorders, based on nothing other than a hunch, is so outrageous. I would divorce my spouse if they did that.

Well, that would save your spouse a lot of trouble.