What to do if you suspect your husband is cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

That seems ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Mine left when I told him to. He knew things would get heated and the kids would find out if he didn’t. We told him he had work trip. He’s come back on weekends and sleep in the basement.

Some of you obviously have no idea what it’s really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine left when I told him to. He knew things would get heated and the kids would find out if he didn’t. We told him he had work trip. He’s come back on weekends and sleep in the basement.

Some of you obviously have no idea what it’s really like.

I couldn’t even look at him. I probably would have taken a kitchen knife and stabbed him through the heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine left when I told him to. He knew things would get heated and the kids would find out if he didn’t. We told him he had work trip. He’s come back on weekends and sleep in the basement.

Some of you obviously have no idea what it’s really like.

I couldn’t even look at him. I probably would have taken a kitchen knife and stabbed him through the heart.

+1

We both loved our children enough to hold it together in front of them and to know we needed time apart when emotions were at an all time high. It was best for everyone to not be under the same roof while we figured things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any concrete evidence or a gotcha, but I strongly suspect this based on a lot of factors (e.g lack of interest in sex, lying about insignificant things, out of the blue needing to be back in the office, things just feeling off, always being with his phone). I don’t have a password to his phone, computer, email etc. so not sure what to do now. Thoughts?

Audio recording device in his brief case and office; magnet gps tracker under car

what are those tracker key chains for kids called? stick one under rug in trunk lol. I'm sure your home computer has some passwords saved if you open the internet options. . .

[Anonymous]

My SIL got tons of her Ex's deleted texts and cheating photos from the cell provider. Maybe it was backed up from cell to the cloud.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut OP; it’s triggered for a reason. Your gut feelings plus his time away, the little lies, all speak to something nefarious going on. I’ve been in your shoes and had friends reason my boyfriend’s actions away (I was paranoid, the pandemic, etc) and discovered a week later he had been cheating throughout our relationship. He even lied about it once he got caught! These feelings don’t come from nowhere, most likely your husband is being unfaithful and I’m sorry. What you do is ask questions, observe his responses for anger, deflection, etc. The truth will come to light and you most likely won’t need to secretly surveil him to discover it (though it helps.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for some good ideas. I talked this through with a friend tonight and I think her read on this is that pandemic is over and real life crazy/hectic schedules are back, so maybe it’s just that I was used to a lot of attention for the last 18 months and now I missing that? I don’t know. Otherwise marriage seems fine — he’s a great dad and very much an equal partner. Maybe I’ll get one of those trackers for peace of mind. I’m very much a realist and know that this can happen and certainly would want to know, but I’m not going to blow up my family if this isn’t what is going on.

Pandemic is over? Says who? My brother-in-law just died from COVID and his wife is SCO with it.

Yes what the heck?? I just saw it's increasing along with fears of a flu pandemic.

My bil has long haul and will never be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut OP; it’s triggered for a reason. Your gut feelings plus his time away, the little lies, all speak to something nefarious going on. I’ve been in your shoes and had friends reason my boyfriend’s actions away (I was paranoid, the pandemic, etc) and discovered a week later he had been cheating throughout our relationship. He even lied about it once he got caught! These feelings don’t come from nowhere, most likely your husband is being unfaithful and I’m sorry. What you do is ask questions, observe his responses for anger, deflection, etc. The truth will come to light and you most likely won’t need to secretly surveil him to discover it (though it helps.)

Agree. And friends will say 'oh, he'd never do that' or 'it's just your mind playing tricks'. They will comfort you which isn't really the kind of help you need.

If your gut is telling you something is off, it is invariably correct the vast majority of time. Nothing bad can come from following up and observing closely--unless you prefer to keep your head in the sand. If it were me, the sooner I found out the better vs a year or more later.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes I want to know and would most certainly end the marriage if it was going on. And agree I’d want to know sooner rather than later as we all aren’t getting any younger. I’ll keep my focus on this, but I can’t justify ending things just based on my gut. At the very least that doesn’t seem fair to my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have any concrete evidence or a gotcha, but I strongly suspect this based on a lot of factors (e.g lack of interest in sex, lying about insignificant things, out of the blue needing to be back in the office, things just feeling off, always being with his phone). I don’t have a password to his phone, computer, email etc. so not sure what to do now. Thoughts?

Audio recording device in his brief case and office; magnet gps tracker under car

Both of these are illegal and are not useful in court and could put you in criminal jeopardy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it gets to the point that I feel like I can't trust him, I'll just leave. I'm not going to make myself miserable and paranoid, it just isn't worth it.

Sure. And will you pull the kids out of school? How are you going to manage that? Just tell them to pack some toys and a backpack and get in the car?

Why would I take the kids out of school? That seems lile a lot of drama. I can rent a place and move without doing that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my business without traumatizing anyone.

Hi kids- we are moving into an apartment. F that- his cheating ass (or hers if it applies) can leave the house.

Yeah I’m not leaving with my kids if spouse cheats. Cheater can get the F out.

Good luck with that. You can’t just kick someone out of the house they own. You can negotiate keeping the house in your divorce (assuming you can refinance on your own).

The judge will order the cheater out during separation.

No, a judge will not do this. Moreover, there's a long period before you even get to that court date. Months, even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes I want to know and would most certainly end the marriage if it was going on. And agree I’d want to know sooner rather than later as we all aren’t getting any younger. I’ll keep my focus on this, but I can’t justify ending things just based on my gut. At the very least that doesn’t seem fair to my kids!

Nobody is telling you too. At least not the sane people. They are telling you to verify it with evidence first, then confront.

[Anonymous]

Catching him cheating can be used against him in divorce court.