Three kids "dating" at once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, the kid up the street has had a transformative pandemic. She went from she to they to he and back to they and now has a girlfriend (?) that also identifies as a they and have pulled a girl who identifies as a "he" into the mix. I learned all this when she was getting me caught up at a Halloween Bonfire and other than "Oh. Hmm. That's nice. Well, I'd like to meet them sometime. Uh, say hello to your brother for me" I had no idea what to say because I didn't understand what I was hearing.

Is group dating a thing now? I'm starting to feel old and confused!

It’s an attention seeking thing.
Whoever can be the weirdest is most popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, the kid up the street has had a transformative pandemic. She went from she to they to he and back to they and now has a girlfriend (?) that also identifies as a they and have pulled a girl who identifies as a "he" into the mix. I learned all this when she was getting me caught up at a Halloween Bonfire and other than "Oh. Hmm. That's nice. Well, I'd like to meet them sometime. Uh, say hello to your brother for me" I had no idea what to say because I didn't understand what I was hearing.

Is group dating a thing now? I'm starting to feel old and confused!

It’s an attention seeking thing.
Whoever can be the weirdest is most popular.

No, there is a difference between being talked about and being popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re eleven? Is it common for eleven-year-olds to have girlfriends/boyfriends these days? All the kids in my life are much younger so I don’t have a sense of what the tween norms are now.

Well, 11 is too young for a relationship, for straight, normie kids.

But since trans/non-binary etc. identify based on their gender identity, and not their sex assigned at birth, then it’s totally normal for exploration of their sexual relationships at much earlier ages. It could actually be very psychologically damaging to inhibit or criticize them.

I hope you’re trolling but I’m afraid you’re not. The worst thing is it’s impossible to tell the difference these days.

[Anonymous]

I teach MS. 11 year old girls are dating. They just seldom date 11 year old boys. Honestly, I’d worry less about this throuple than the 11 year old who has a 14 year old boyfriend. I’ve seen that a number of times and it never ends well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our dd has had multiple boys and girls ask her to date them in open relationships including threesomes. I have told her absolutely not and I think she is too young to be dating period let alone multiple people at once (requests for open dating started at 13 rather than 11).

She does follow rules of no nudes and vulgar social Media posts but it is mind boggling how much more aware young people are of many sex and gender topics. Her friends identify as pan/ trans/ bi/ non binary etc. i had not heard of any of this before late teens.

Her friends seem to accept the no poly dating rules and no sharing nudes. DD knows I don’t care how she identifies gender wise but it is wise to be discreet about it in MS as there is so much drama already.

Oh and no dating boys more than 1-2years older .., it was scary how many of these boys who wanted open poly relationships were 4 or more years older … “Dating” is mostly chatting on phone/ messaging and we check photos and social media regularly …

It is so complicated to be a parent of tween/ teens now … I don’t think we were any better when I was young but the online landscape is frightening …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're 11! It's not my kid. Yes, I am pretty unflappable and a lot of the kids confide in me, a thing that I treasure.

Why is it my business? It's not, but having my own child who is not too much younger, I like to keep up with the trends!

So what if they are 11?! My daughter had her first "boyfriend" at 12.
Obviously that didn't last long. She is now 17 and has been dating someone for the past year. They went away this weekend and I'm ok with it. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, the kid up the street has had a transformative pandemic. She went from she to they to he and back to they and now has a girlfriend (?) that also identifies as a they and have pulled a girl who identifies as a "he" into the mix. I learned all this when she was getting me caught up at a Halloween Bonfire and other than "Oh. Hmm. That's nice. Well, I'd like to meet them sometime. Uh, say hello to your brother for me" I had no idea what to say because I didn't understand what I was hearing.

Is group dating a thing now? I'm starting to feel old and confused!

It’s an attention seeking thing.
Whoever can be the weirdest is most popular.

That is transphobic, dismissive, demeaning, hateful, and completely de-humanizing. Can’t believe you would think this way, let alone post it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are both gender and sex-questioning right now and we get a ton of backtalk if we don't use the new name and pronoun they prefer. They like to use it at strategic moments. I'm not transphobic, I just want you to unload the dishes and do your homework!

Actually, if you are not using the pronouns and new names they prefer, you are being very transphobic and frankly, quite hateful!

You are both absurd.

[Anonymous]

Kids in this area are attention seeking and this is how they do it.

[Anonymous]

If teens poly dating had been a thing in 1987-1990, my life would have had less drama than it did due to my friends and I falling for the same guys repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If teens poly dating had been a thing in 1987-1990, my life would have had less drama than it did due to my friends and I falling for the same guys repeatedly.

I doubt it - the opposite - likely much worse jealousy when one gets more attention or favor …

[Anonymous]

I’ll admit that I was doubtful when my niece started in a poly relationship, but now she’s been with her two partners (and sometimes three) for nearly 10 years. She’s 28 now and very happy. I’ve become more open-minded spending time with her and her kind/thoughtful/intelligent partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll admit that I was doubtful when my niece started in a poly relationship, but now she’s been with her two partners (and sometimes three) for nearly 10 years. She’s 28 now and very happy. I’ve become more open-minded spending time with her and her kind/thoughtful/intelligent partners.

Yes, and Christine Brown was very happy until she wasn't either.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who will say that's it absolutely not ok for poly relationships to be normalized, especially in middle school? The opportunity to take advantage of more vulnerable kids is enormous.

I don't have to approve. I think it's weird and very Sister Wife-y.

Agree 100%.

Yes, this is me, clutching my pearls. I don't think throuples are okay, especially for tweens and teens who are too young to process the complicated feelings these poly set ups invariably produce.

Also - I am pro-LGBTQ, grew up around the gay community, and support gay marriage, but isn't anyone else even a little concerned that the norm now is for tween girls to identify as trans or non-binary? Statistically it is almost impossible that so many girls are not actually girls. Something is very wrong with our culture if the now-typical reaction for an 11- or 12-year-old girl is that they want to transition or otherwise not be a girl. Maybe I'm just a salty old feminist, but this very much concerns me. And then we are accused of being anti-trans if we question this, refuse to use a different name, refuse to switch pronouns, refuse to support breast binders, refuse to consult doctors about hormone treatment, etc.? There is a reason that 11- and 12-year-olds are not old enough to drive, vote, or sign contracts -- their decision making capabilities are not well developed, and the law recognizes this. And yet 11- and 12-year-olds are supposed to be competent enough to make decisions with long-term impacts on fertility and mental health, and we are just supposed to go along with it or be accused of being hateful? I understand that some kids have insisted from early childhood that they are the opposite gender, and early transition could be appropriate in those instances, but this is not what we are dealing with now. I find it concerning that parents are just like, eh, okay.

[Anonymous]

So what if they are 11?! My daughter had her first "boyfriend" at 12.
Obviously that didn't last long. She is now 17 and has been dating someone for the past year. They went away this weekend and I'm ok with it. Grow up!

You aren’t “grown up” because you allow your 17 year old DD to go out of town with her boyfriend. I’m plenty grown up and none of daughters would ever even ask to do this because they know it’s inappropriate and not something any of their friends are doing, either. I’m sure you are the same mom who hosts drinking parties in your basement, and may even buy the alcohol. You may think you are the cool, enlightened mom but I guarantee that lots of other moms just think you are a crappy parent.