Losing interest in raising kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m just not into the martyr mom thing.

+1

This, give the kids to dad.

I don’t understand this thread. It’s ok to just stop parenting because you’re bored with it? Like there is no middle ground between being a martyr and telling your kids (she has a tween!) you are bored with the whole thing and why not find another adult who cares about you? Ugh, I’m sad for these kids. They can be independent but they deserve at least one parent who GAF. OP, hopefully you can get some support in co-parenting and meeting some personal needs so you can get a break, but I don’t applaud the attitude that you are losing interest in being a parent in your kids lives who still need you

[Anonymous]

Ooohhh, my mom did this too PP! Yes OP, I think you need to find a happy medium. I am a single mom in a similar situation to yours. My house a mess and I do check out on parenting sometimes. Some things that help: taking a day or two off of work every once in awhile to clean (would hire a cleaner but I feel my place gets too messy) or get a massage.. Plan 1-2 two monthly family type activities - winter lights, pumpkin carving, pizza and a movie night. Something easy that doesn't take too much planning. Those are the things that make memories for kids. Also, keep dinners simple - make your own pizza, taco Tuesdays, meat/potato/veggie, breakfast for dinner. Let the kids be responsible for the other meals. Do you have another mom friend where you could take turns caring for the kids. That could give you a break.

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya!
For me, the issue is exacerbated by the fact that my kid is a lot like his dad, not like me (though he is my spitting image).
It is often hard to relate to him, and I don’t see a lot of return on investment if I may
I don’t know what to tell you. I am trying to do what I can. There is still so much that falls through the cracks.
But hey, my mom gave her all to raising kids and then one day she was all out and completely disengaged. I am trying to keep a steady albeit low level of caring.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For all the suggestions that they go live with dad, there is a reason why they are not. He is overseas in a place that is not great for kids and does not have a sport system there either. The kids both have devices and they can talk to him whenever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pleasantly surprised that this thread hasn’t devolved into shaming OP for being the worst mom on the planet.

I’m shocked. How do so many people feel this way? I’m disturbed for our youth. Is this for real? OP is clearly a bad mom. Time to get a less stressful job. It’s one thing to be hands off, but it just clear she doesn’t even like her kids. She’s rather go party than be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pleasantly surprised that this thread hasn’t devolved into shaming OP for being the worst mom on the planet.

I’m shocked. How do so many people feel this way? I’m disturbed for our youth. Is this for real? OP is clearly a bad mom. Time to get a less stressful job. It’s one thing to be hands off, but it just clear she doesn’t even like her kids. She’s rather go party than be a parent.

+1. I would just give less to my job. I make a conscious decision to do what I can to conserve my energy for my kids over my job.

[Anonymous]

OP, disregard the obvious pot stirrers.

I have two wonderful little kids, they are easy, they are cute, loving, hilarious and I still just want to go away for a month. Oh and I have an awesome husband whose job is more flexible than mine so he does more than his share.

The pandemic has been incredibly stressful for everyone, even those only indirectly affected. It's been 18 months of ups and downs with a constant mental weight of making the right decisions about everything. With tweens and teens, I imagine it's been even harder.

I agree with PPs that you should outsource as much as possible (meals, cleaning, tutoring) and make a plan to be available and "switched on" for them at least during dinner and a planned activity every weekend. They don't need you to be the perfect parent every second of every day, they just need to know they can come to you when needed. They will know this if you can remind them regularly by setting some time aside to connect daily and weekly.

You are doing fine and your kids will be fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing here? OP, you sound like my family. DH and I are not divorced, but we find ourselves similarly disengaged if you compare us to the absurd unattainable ideal that is somehow expected of parents these days.

So your kids keep up with school work, one sport or extracurricular, they maintain social lives during a pandemic without any facilitating from you, and you work full time and still manage to put home cooked meals on the table without a co-parent?? Girl, you’re doing just fine. Seriously.

The best possible thing you can do for yourself and your kids is realize that you’re doing great. Save whatever energy you can muster at the end of each day and connect with them in the most realistic and doable way possible for like 20 min.[b] Sit on the couch and watch a show together. Make ice cream sundaes. Ask about their day. 15-30 min of showing interest in them and sharing time together. Do that, and keep up everything else, and you’ll be raising perfectly normal, independent kids who know they are loved and cared for. Stop beating yourself up!! You’re doing fine!!!

+1

[Anonymous]

OP you are doing an adequate job. You aren’t a particularly good mom, but you are meeting the minimum requirement of parenting and are not abusing or neglecting them I guess. But you aren’t doing the things that will nurture a strong and loving relationship, so just don’t be surprised and bitter when your kids aren’t interested in you when they grow up and move away. You get back what you put it and what you can expect is a cordial but distant relationship with them when you are older. But yeah, you are adequate.

[Anonymous]

The mom is doing her best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you're a great individual, as well as a great parent.

Can you explain what you think you're missing?

I'm sorry, but would you please explain how a mother who is posting to DCUM asking how she can avoid raising her vulnerable-age kids meets the criteria for being a "great" parent?

You've lost me here, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pleasantly surprised that this thread hasn’t devolved into shaming OP for being the worst mom on the planet.

I’m shocked. How do so many people feel this way? I’m disturbed for our youth. Is this for real? OP is clearly a bad mom. Time to get a less stressful job. It’s one thing to be hands off, but it just clear she doesn’t even like her kids. She’s rather go party than be a parent.

+1. Really disturbing to see so many posters defending this level of selfishness, coming from a mother.

[Anonymous]

Make dad pay for a tutor or someone to engage them off screens. You doing this by yourself = burnout.

[Anonymous]

The kids are old enough to be tasked with their laundry and cooking. No reason to still be doing everything.

Show them how to run the laundry (if they don’t know) print of the directions and attach to the wall and let go. They will quickly learn how much or sucks to not have a specific shirt they needed.

Give them the responsibility of feeing themselves a couple nights a week to start. They won’t die eating cereal or sandwiches and they might get bored and learn to cook. Let them buy lunch at school, if they don’t care.

My mom worked 3-11 from the time I was 12. I taught myself how to cook tons of basic stuff and was expected to manage my laundry from that point forward. Totally reasonable expectations.

Once they gain some independence, maybe that will leave you with some energy to start dating.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and keep on top of the family time on the weekend. What do you all enjoy? Movies? Eating out? Sports? Working out? Even gaming? Find something that isnt just you being mom while they have fun, but that is fun and recharging for everyone. Or use some of the cooking time at night to teach them how to cook some basics.

[Anonymous]

Children are not dogs that you can rehome when you "lose interest."
All parents feel the way you do from time to time, but you have to get through it.